[JenR]

I have been living with my boyfriend for 7 months. He says nothing arouses him sexually. He doesn't care to have sex. When he does once in a while he will not finish. He never can get completely hard. I found that he looks at porno. I have no problem with it if it didn't affect our sex. I confronted him about it and he said it did nothing for him. I'm sure he is lying because he still clears the history from the computer. He is a very quiet and shy person. I don't think he has had many sex partners. He knows that I have, so I wonder if he feels unsecure about how he might perform. I am the one that always initiate sex. I have to tell him what to do to me far as foreplay. This gets old. You think he would catch on. I don't know what I could do to make him comfortable and not feel awkward. He doesn't like it when I try to discuss sex. I have told him how sexy he is and brag on him thinking it would help. We are both 39. Please help..... We both are getting tired of argueing about sex. He has tried different pills to help and so far nothing is working. I made him an appointment to a doctor, he went and was told he was depressed, so he was put on zoloft. He has only been on it a week, but would like to know what I could do to help him...... I don't know what I could do to make him comfortable and not fee awkward. He doesn't like it when I try to discuss sex. I have told him how sexy he is and brag on him thinking it would help. We are both 39. Please help..... We both are getting tired of argueing about sex. He has tried different pills to. I made him an appointment to a doctor, he went and was told he was depressed, so he was put on zoloft. He has only been on it a week, but would like to know what I could do to help him........ so far nothing is working.

[Leed]

Why not wait awhile and give the Zoloft time to work. When you're depressed, the last thing you want to do is have sex. As least that's how it affects me. You probably know that it can take anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks for an antidepressant to work. I know that's quite a long time to wait ~ but if you love him, you will be patient.

Perhaps seeing a therapist would be a good idea too. There could be some issues that he needs to talk about. It's worth considering. Best of luck & take care. Hugs, Lee

[NatalieAnn]

I just got out of a relationship because my bf was addicted to porn. I was only with him for 4 months and he was ready to move into a threesome. He could only finish after a long time and with masturbation. This problem is not an easy fix and if you only have 7 months invested I would move on. Porn is becoming a bigger problem because of the internet. I agree depression affects one's sex life but he lied about the porn so he may be using depression as an excuse. Good luck in your decision.

[Yoda]

It can take several weeks for an antidepressant to work and then there is the question of is Prozac the right antidepressant for him?

Perhaps for a while you and he could take the pressure off of sex and instead focus on intimate touch. Learn what each of you finds pleasurable but have an understanding that you are experimenting and sex is not the goal right now.

[qwerty000]

Do you have any familiarity with the nature of the porn he is into? Not being interested in sex is one thing, but from what you're saying, it sounds like he's trying to hide something about sex. Do you think it's possible he's struggling with sexual orientation issues? Or perhaps, embarrassed about what he's interested in sexually?

Zoloft deletes your libido so it probably won't help things in the bedroom.

[RomanSunburn]

Chock this up to naivete, but I was just curious...

He does sound very depressed. It will take awhile to find the right medication or medications. Right now, you're both going to need a lot of patience while he works with his doctors.

I agree with Yoda. Maybe put less pressure on sex and more on comfort and love. I've heard that long, close hugs are a good place to start. With out an expectation for sex, he might feel more relaxed and actually more inclined to move in that direction.

But, in regards to the porn, is there any possibility he is watching it simply out of boredom? Looking for anything to change the monotony of depression? I have very little experience with porn; my fiance doesn't watch it (Truly! And this isn't just me being ignorant, we've discussed it quite a bit. He doesn't want to waste his money or risk getting viruses). But I'd be one to believe him if he says it's not doing anything for him. And maybe he has other reasons for clearing his history, or he's simply shy about it.