is this being too sensitive or is it ok to ask?

lastyearisblank · May 24, 2011 at 11:25 PM

Hi

I have a friend who might be coming to travel in a country where I'm living. She gave me the dates that she'll be here, and I am leaving town on day 2 of her 3 days here-- like moving out of the country. In other words she can't stay here with me.

Then she wrote me back saying she's not sure she can hang out because she's going to be so busy with meetings.

That kind of hurt my feelings because I'm not sure who she even knows here, but it feels like a brush off.

Should I ask her to clarify? Should I just bite my tongue? The main thing is I want to know whether or not I am like the 5th or 6th person my friend called to hang out with, and has no time for me.

I KNOW it doesn't matter. I just want to know.

disguise123 · May 25, 2011 at 05:55 AM

just ask then, but try not to be too shaken by the answer

lastyearisblank · May 25, 2011 at 11:16 AM

She's like no. "I'm just going to be tired." "Maayyyyyyyyyybeeeeeeee" we can hang out.

I consider it very impolite. I honestly didn't have time to see her when I went back to our hometown this winter but I also didn't first make a whole big deal out of it by asking to stay with her HONESTLY WHAT IS WRONG with people I want to throw a copy of miss manners at them 99% of the time.

Direction · May 25, 2011 at 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

I consider it very impolite. I honestly didn't have time to see her when I went back to our hometown this winter but I also didn't first make a whole big deal out of it by asking to stay with her HONESTLY WHAT IS WRONG with people I want to throw a copy of miss manners at them 99% of the time.

I didn't follow this part...but you sound very frustratrated about something?

RomanSunburn · May 25, 2011 at 05:53 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated!

I guess my feelings on the matter is that she probably asked to stay with you because she thought it would be fun to hang out with you and stay with a friend. But it also sounds like this was a business trip, so she genuinely might not have time and will be tired at the end of the day, but if she had stayed with you, then she wouldn't have had to worry about making time. She would have been able to just unwind and hang out with you at the end of the day, whereas if she's staying some where else she has to make plans to go out and can't just go "home" and crash.

lastyearisblank · 06:19 PM

I guess! But the thing is, my friend and I met living as roommates here a few years ago (we're both 24) and we used to hang out in this city. This year, when I was planning to return to the US a couple months early she tried to convince me to stay kind of joking, "noooo I wanna come visit you!" Now she can't take a subway for 15 minutes to hang out (it's a vacation)?

In response to her 50 percent sureness that she would call me that day, I told her I'm sorry I have other plans (and now I do, I have other people to see before I go). Now she is mad at me. I don't understand why everyone else has unlimited access to my home, heart, time, advice, money, and friendship unless they have something better to do and I'm always the bad one!!!!!!!! It makes me so guilty to stand up for myself!! Like even in my mind!!! Gr....

Direction · May 25, 2011 at 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated!

I guess my feelings on the matter is that she probably asked to stay with you because she thought it would be fun to hang out with you and stay with a friend. But it also sounds like this was a business trip, so she genuinely might not have time and will be tired at the end of the day, but if she had stayed with you, then she wouldn't have had to worry about making time. She would have been able to just unwind and hang out with you at the end of the day, whereas if she's staying some where else she has to make plans to go out and can't just go "home" and crash.

Elana05 · May 25, 2011 at 09:42 PM

Hi lastyearisblank,

I think I'd be annoyed by this too. "I can't see you because I'll be too tired?" Sheesh. I mean who can't do a cup of coffee or tea even if they're tired. Try not to take it personally. It sounds like she has issues. I get hurt by this type of thing too. You didn't do anything wrong.

E.

lastyearisblank · 02:31 AM

Well, ok, my question's answered... but I still think my friend could have been more considerate planning her vacation and I am still stressed out about my move. I'm just going to shelve this whole issue for now.

disguise123 · May 26, 2011 at 04:42 AM

lastyearisblank
I think i have made friends feel the way you are now feeling in the past

More anxiety on my part than anything.
But i do think you need to write it off as her loss, and enjoy your time with the friends who will see you before you go.

lastyearisblank · May 26, 2011 at 06:50 PM

Thank you for that perspective, rapidcycla, I had not thought of that-- social anxiety. And I'm sure you're lovely. I'm really not sure if that's what's going on with my friend. My sense though is that if one is anxious about making a good impression one could do better than to say, "hey you're moving! well can I come stay with you and hang out with other people but not you while you do that????"

Yeah.... hehe I guess my own social anxiety is speaking a little bit here though. I just really want to know my friends are there for me.

disguise123 · May 27, 2011 at 06:01 PM

yes and i can apreciate that, i am definately not trying to stick up for your friend. I must have missed something, did she really want to use ur place as a hotel but not actually do anything with you?

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disguise123 Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Posts: 3,362 13	May 25, 2011 at 05:55 AM #2 just ask then, but try not to be too shaken by the answer
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lastyearisblank Magnate Member Since Dec 2010 Posts: 2,582 13 20 hugs given	May 26, 2011 at 02:12 AM #9 Well, ok, my question's answered... but I still think my friend could have been more considerate planning her vacation and I am still stressed out about my move. I'm just going to shelve this whole issue for now. Last edited by lastyearisblank; May 26, 2011 at 02:31 AM..
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disguise123 Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Posts: 3,362 13	May 26, 2011 at 04:42 AM #10 lastyearisblank I think i have made friends feel the way you are now feeling in the past More anxiety on my part than anything. But i do think you need to write it off as her loss, and enjoy your time with the friends who will see you before you go.
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disguise123 Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Posts: 3,362 13	May 27, 2011 at 06:01 PM #12 yes and i can apreciate that, i am definately not trying to stick up for your friend. I must have missed something, did she really want to use ur place as a hotel but not actually do anything with you?
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