[jbug]

My neighbor is still giving me fits. Monday night and Tuesday night it sounded like she was pounding on the wall so tonight I went over there to see if there was anything I could do for her so she wouldn't wake me up again. She denied doing it and said maybe there was a mouse in the wall or maybe I was hearing the apartments behind ours. Not wanting to make a scene I just agreed with her and came home.

Well I was sleeping and her and her boyfriend at about 11:45-12:00 start yelling at each other and I get woke up again. They ended up leaving in her car I thought she was taking him home but nope I don't know where they went but they came back together and at about 1:30 she comes over telling me the fight was all my fault because I asked her about the knocking on the wall. She was also very drunk. I told her the fight wasn't my fault and she should go home and go to bed and things would be better when she woke up. Well that worked for a little bit then I had fallen asleep again and then she just walked into my apartment came next to me on the couch and very calmly asked me if she called me the B word. We talked and she went home. I told her no she didn't call me that but she had in the past when I had gone to the landlord about her fighting with her boyfriend. She begged me not to go to the landlord because when I went to him last time he told her if he gets 1 more complaint about her being noisy she will be evicted.

So my question is should I let it slide as I have many times since going to the landlord or should I turn her in?

Jan

[Soul Quake]

Turn her in, you've overlooked this numerous times. She is a nuisance. If she was so concerned about being evicted she would follow the rules.

[Typo]

Turn her in, she is breaking rules and also her drinking like that makes her a saftey hazard, I wouldn't want to live next door to someone like that and I bet noone else in the complex does either, they just haven't spoken up.n

[lynn P.]

Yes I agree with the other posters to turn her in. This woman is starting to blame you and she's already dragging you in that nasty direction. Since she's unstable and her BF sounds the same, I would be wary of what they could be capable of - I don't mean to scare you. I think it's best you don't have any face to face contact with her from this point on. Turn her into the landlord Jan.

[silverbells]

BE CAAAAAREFUUUUUUUL! She could retaliate. I'd try to do it in some way that keeps you from - ugh - I don't know - maybe you could ask the landlord to be sure she doesn't know she's being kicked out because you complained. She sounds a little dangerous to me.

[jbug]

She came over last night and said she doesn't even remember coming over here and doing all that. I am not surprised she was pretty toasted. After talking with my mom and therapist I have decided to give her one more chance. I did make it perfectly clear to her that this last time was her last chance and if it happens again I will go to the landlord. She says she will quit drinking but that usually only lasts a few days so we will see. I did talk to her about anabuse and she said she would talk to the doctor about it and see if he would put her on it. We will see if she follows through.

Jan

[silverbells]

Jan, I think it's GREAT that you made it clear that it's her last chance. And drinking is almost impossible to stop, without LOTS of 12 step meetings or a stay in rehab. I'm really sorry you're going thru this - I had to move a lot because of scary neighbors - it was sheer h**l. I hope she's behaving. And I'm glad your test results are good!

[Elana05]

Sending supportive thoughts your way, jbug. I have had difficult neighbors in the past and it drives me nuts too. Sounds like you have done a great job of laying down your boundaries, though. Her problems and her alcoholism are not your problem. She has a right to drink and she has a right to seek help... But it's all on her terms. I have found Al Anon so helpful with info about boundaries. You might find some supportive "food for thought" on their website.
Just a few other thoughts from me:

1. An extra strong lock for your door, maybe two. Even just to send the signal of strong boundaries.

2. A noise machine and earplugs. (I use those when our neighbors throw a loud all-nighter )

3. When you see her act busy. If she starts to engage you - maybe you can rush by and say "Hi (her name)... Sorry I can't chat. I'm busy today and have to get going..."

Elana

[Salmacis]

Jan -

As someone who endured apartment life (and MANY noisy, inconsiderate neighbors) for over 10 years, please save yourself some sanity & force the issue w/the apartment manager. They get PAID to ensure the peace and harmony of the tenants. It's their JOB to make sure no tenant is harassing another with their noise/abuse. You have given this woman far more credit than I would have... many folks just don't/can't change.

If the apt manager is too mealy-mouthed or lazy to do his/her job, please consider contacting the police if nothing is done. You can check locally for the municipal code on noise & find out what time people need to keep it down (usually 10pm during the week & 11pm on Fri/Sat). You can usually tip off the cops anonymously (i.e. they won't tell the offender who called to avoid retaliation).

I wish I had done so... Instead, I let the frustration build until I dropped a bowling ball through the floor & kicked in someone's door to let them know I mean business about being quiet at night.

At any rate, I wish you the very BEST of luck w/this...

[seeker1950]

I so feel for you! I also have a neighbor from H**L. I have refrained from complaining about her for fear of retaliation, just as Silverbells mentioned. She has already poisoned one of my Maine Coon cats, another disappeared, and she said she was "glad" the one remaining had gotten impailed on her sharp rusty fence (which cost me $300 at the vet). She calls the town to complain about water running downhill from my property to hers (as if I can stop gravity). At one point I blew up at her and had a kind of fit!