[IDKwhat2doanymore]

HI! I want to start off by saying i'm happy to find a place with REAL answers, and NOT ppl praying on the emotions of others IDK where to start, but im going to try! I been with my "BF" for almost 7 years now and im SO TIRED of this relationship....SO TIRED! We have 3 kids together and i want to leave so bad! I'm what u called a stay at home mom and he works. IDK if im wrong for feeling this way but i want to leave but have no money and no where to go or friends or family! I feel he dont care about me...If we get into it and i leave he dont even bother to call to see if im OK! I could be dead or got ran off the road you know? We NEVER talk, we dont argee on things all he cares about is SEX! Which i HATE sex with him he dont know my body and its been the same way for about 7 years! No talking, kissing, 4play etc! ONE WAY ONLY! I talk to him about different ways we can change it up and he ALWAYS ask why?! To top it off he cheated EVERYTIME i was pregnant, but yet was too tired to come to my appts! He keeps saying he DONT KNOW WHY HE DOES IT! Like a dummy i take him back, but im not in love with him anymore...Not to make it out like im perfect after i found out he was cheating i started cheating too! I was looking for love and someone to care about me and in the end always got used or hurt too... So of course i dont now and just wanna feel and be loved...I feel like a lost cause! He works and im suppose to do all the cooking and cleaning and i DO but he makes a mess AND never cleans up! To make it worse he now has his brother here on the weekends who dont S*** either! So im left with ALL the cooking and cleaning after three kids and two grown ***** men and im tired! I told him to tell his brother to clean up after himself instead of doing that he just said I WONT BRING HIM NO MORE!! Its like any and everything his brother tell him to do HE DOES! He jumps up when his brother wants beer but when i ask him to go to the store he takes HOURS... He never does anything with me! He dont go shopping or does anything but does with his brother! OH!!! To top it off when he is off all does is play his game...I tell him to go the store or help me with something he only does AFTER his game...Its like everything with that games comes before ME and even his kids. Only thing he does good is WORK nothing else while im THANKFUL to God for that but when your with someone you suppose to make them HAPPY! I try to be nice im a loving giving touchy person with him i cant be that way...I have talk to him he change for a few days then right back to him! When we do talk he always put me down or if i say im going to do something he goes.."no your not" always pointing out the BAD IN ME...I want to leave but how? Where? He told me more then once if i leave he wouldnt look for me, he only will because of his kids but bascially can careless about me leaving! His mom is a nice person dont get me wrong BUT everything she say do concerning OUR kids he does then makes me feel like im not a good mother or living up to his mother's status of motherhood... IDK what to do! Its so much more to this story you just dont know....It's like he walks around not giving a care about how i feel! I cryed all day yesterday and even went to seek help and they told me they dont just "talk" to people i need a real MENTAL reason for being seen by a T....And maybe i should go see my doctor for some pills! WHAT? I'm NOT crazy just need someone to talk to you know? What can i do? Im soooo stress and racking my brains on how to leave this realationship...Apart of me just wants to pick up and leave with my kids and drive until i have no more gas and where ever state and city i end up will be our new home which wont be far with no money for gas Anyone can help me? PLEASE? Am i wrong?

[IDKwhat2doanymore]

Its me AGAIN! So my BF just walked in the door and of course didnt say nothing to me no hi ETC...I made pancakes for the kids this morning and knowing he would be hungry i made extra just for him! He comes in and tells his brother IM HUNGRY im going to get something to eat! WTF?! I cook and thought about YOU even when you dont think about me and you say your hungry after i cooked for?! Then you would think he would ask if i wanted something...NOPE! I'm in pain and he knows this i went and cleaned up MY

[Yoda]

I don't quite know what to tell you as far as advice goes but I wanted to know I read your posts and hear your pain.

That was really bad advice when you tried to get help and they said they don't just talk to people. Were you wanting an appt with a therapist or a psychiatrist? I would try someone else.

[Direction]

Sounds like a lot of turmoil going on...sorry to hear that...welcome to PC!

I would suggest working with a professional in spite of the issue you had trying to see someone. Whether you stay or go...I would suggest concentrating on boundaries and assertiveness...many times when we don't communicate our boundaries assertively we feel walked on like a doormat. Anyway that is kind of the feel I get from your post. I did something similiar in my marraige...either way you go you'll really need to develop these skills. Good Luck

[IDKwhat2doanymore]

IDK why this didnt post everything i wrote ANYWAYS, IDK

[Jenn1fer82]

I hear your frustration and your sense of feeling helpless but stay calm and dont allow your emotions to get the best of you. There are many public resources out there that can help mothers to get back on their feet and it can be a long process but you'll need to work through it all. The many years that you've spent with him may have been horrible but I bet its something you've been comfortable with also. You're going to need to break out of that shell and be brave to do something new and different. While you're still with him you can start making a plan such as picking up a part time job so that you know you will have a steady income once you leave. You can find out if you will be approve for public assistance. Once all thats in play then find out about getting a divorce and the process with child support. So its not as hopeless as you're feeling right now. You need to stay calm and think things through if leaving is what you really want. Be courageous and get yourself and your children out of there.

[IDKwhat2doanymore]

I have NO IDEA whats going with my post! Not understanding why its half posting my messages Anyways, i waited all morning for this to get approve and still no one seem to able to help me I know you guys can only go by what i say but i have MANY times talk to him and told him how i felt...I have no problem with being open with someone thats what i want but were just not on the page when it comes to "talking" I know staying wont EVERRRRRRR be something i want to do how i cant even stand the touch of him when it comes to sex i have no feelings for him besides loving him as my kids father...His ways i cant deal with there is NO WAY! Every other place i call for help dont take my insurance and the places that do only see you if you have a real problem or basically say IM CRAZY and need to come in ASAP! IDK anymore, IDK

[IDKwhat2doanymore]

Originally Posted by Jenn1fer82

I hear your frustration and your sense of feeling helpless but stay calm and dont allow your emotions to get the best of you. There are many public resources out there that can help mothers to get back on their feet and it can be a long process but you'll need to work through it all. The many years that you've spent with him may have been horrible but I bet its something you've been comfortable with also. You're going to need to break out of that shell and be brave to do something new and different. While you're still with him you can start making a plan such as picking up a part time job so that you know you will have a steady income once you leave. You can find out if you will be approve for public assistance. Once all thats in play then find out about getting a divorce and the process with child support. So its not as hopeless as you're feeling right now. You need to stay calm and think things through if leaving is what you really want. Be courageous and get yourself and your children out of there.

Im getting sooooooooooooo upset with this site! I been trying to post back to guys and im having a REAL PROBLEM! its like one problem after another i wrote back twice and dont see my posting if half way posted one of my messages! ANYWAYS I HOPE THIS POST GOES THRU....I have been on a waiting list for a few months for section 8 and getting a part time job in my area is hard! He works 2 jobs so all the time in the day is used up by him! Also daycare is out of this world and i every dime i make will not even cover ONE child! BUTTT two of kids go to school this year so i can then I just been praying only God can work a miracle and i need one NOW Thank you guys for your messages i hope this one comes thru!!!

[Evening]

In regards to your posts not working, I have poor internet connection so it disconnects a lot and I lose posts. So what I do when I type something long is I have a copy of what I typed put on Microsoft Word or Notepad so then if my post fails I can copy and paste it straight back onto here without having to write it all over again (spending an hour typing something that gets lost while posting is one of the many reasons I REALLY need to invest in a punching bag). I hope this helps!

[shezbut]

Welcome to Psych Central .

Sorry that you've had such a tough time getting your entire posts across. I've run into that problem myself, quite a few times. Evening had a great tip, which is exactly what I now do with long posts.

After several paragraphs, and I'm ready to post. I click on the mouse, to copy my essay. Then, under "edit", I click on cut. Then, I click on posting quick reply. If I'd gotten kicked out of the site by my goofy computer, all I have to do is sign back on. I then go back to where I wanted to post, and click paste under the "edit". I know that it kind of sounds like a pain, but it is sooo much better than all of that typing for nothing. I sure hate that too!

Jenn1fer82 made a couple of good points, imo. Right now, it is hard to see outside of the mess that you find yourself in. But, there are ways out. Ways you might not want to take ~ but there ARE options if you really are needing to get out of the house.

Do you have friends or family that could help watch the children a couple of hours per week? Have you tried going to county mental health? There are mental health resources in all of the states. Different states do have different additional resources.

I can't think of any other tips right now ~ my brain function is at it's limits this week. I'll write back if the other things pop into my head. Take a couple of deep breaths. People are listening. We're often happy to help, if we can offer any advice.

Best wishes!

[madisgram]

make sure u check mark when you sign in, "remember me". then you won't have a disconnect when you post.
as for your concerns, first off have a plan if you want to leave your boyfriend. there will be some income from child support but you also need a job that can cover rent, utilities, etc. see if you can get a good enough paying job for that. if you want to leave and are unhappy that's what i'd do.

[lakerfan09]

hey guys, hows it going?