[Lil Ant Lady]

I have been having an intimate relationship with a man for the past few months which has consisted of us getting to know each other and us having sex etc as you do and expect when 'courting' someone new.

I have know this guy about a year and we dated back when we met but I felt I wasnt ready then as I had only been separated from my ex-parter with whom I have two children for only a few months and I was on proper self destruct mode back then and felt at that particular time it wasnt appropriate.

So fast forward a few months more and we began to get closer and started hanging out as friends etc - all a lot less intimidating and expectant. I became attracted to him and vice-versa and slowly we began to have relations.

During this time I was hospitalised with my condition for approx 1 month and in that time he came to see me at least 3 times per week. On one occasion he even cycles 13 miles in the rain to come and see me only to find I was asleep and told the nurses to leave me as I was and he cycled all the way back again. I was really touched by this as no man has ever made that kind of effort for me in the past.

So,,, Im really starting to begin to have feeling for him after all his chivalry towards me... hes a real special guy. On the one hand. On the other he is very sexual and we always seem to be doing it. Like rabbits hahahaha. Hes never grumbled if ive had a bad day and said I'm not up for it - we've just laid there and hugged.

The thing im scared about is getting hurt. All the guys ive been with in the past (exept the kids dad) have used me for sex. So im scared that this is whats happening here and that this relationship we have isnt sustainable so long as I open my mouth and talk about dreaded "feelings".

Im scared im not what he will want and then i'll be cut to pieces and be all suicidal again cos i wont handle the rejection of it all. So ive not said anything on the subject. Its like im delaying the inevitable but all the same its playing on my mind so much its causing me a problem anyway and making me suffer huge anxiety and stress that im finding hard to deal with. And my mood today is very awful over the whole thing.

I just dont know what to do

[bebop]

it sounds like you have found a very good man. talk to him about these feelings hon. my goodness if he rode that many miles in rain just to see you he must be pretty special. trust in him and talk to him about this.

[Lil Ant Lady]

I told him all of the above last night and ask him how much he liked me and he said "i like You lots" and all I got in response to my concerns above was... "you need to worry less and snuggle more missy". I thought "oh right" so I just laid there a little dumbfounded and ended up falling asleep. Still not too clear on it all lol

[RomanSunburn]

I agree with Bebop. A man does not ride 13 miles in the rain to see someone in a hospital if he's only interested in sex.

At the same time, I'm not too surprised by his response. My fiance has told me plenty of times in the past that I simply need to "Worry less." Thanks, darling, easier said than done. But it has to do with the fact that, at first, finding all of this out can be a little overwhelming, and it's hard to come up with an appropriate response. Also, the more time he spends getting to know you, the more he will realize that it's not as easy as simply worrying less.

I would try not to worry so much right now (again, easier said than done). But he didn't get up and run screaming towards the door. He wanted to hold you close. I can totally understand why you're confused. I think you should give him a few days or a week to digest everything, and then think about returning to the subject if you feel the need to still talk about it. You could also try writing him a letter so there doesn't have to be a whole discussion about it.

Good luck!