[Lexicon78]

Well, I've been thinking today about some things my boyfriend has said to me lately. I've been with some really controlling people and it's hard for me to notice the ways people are controlling if they're not so bold about it. So it's really hard for me to see that my boyfriend is controlling because he's not as bold and does it in subtle ways.

He said I shouldn't tell anyone what's going on in our relationship and that I shouldn't tell anyone about my sexuality or anything like that. He says it's not right and people don't tell people things like that. I say if someone has a problem they tell people about it. People shouldn't have to shut themselves out from the world and be happy about it. He doesn't tell anyone anything and doesn't let on about anything. He says he's fine all the time when he's not. I don't get that at all. How can someone like shutting themselves off like that. Me, I have to LIVE and express and tell people about things! I have to be happy inside and out! I don't like being a prisoner and I don't like having this freedom taken away from me! I don't like any of that.

[Maven]

Same with me, Lex. If I don't let my feelings out, they pile up and eventually burst in one big explosion. My boyfriend sometimes makes me feel controlled (not always), but he generally doesn't have a problem with me being open about my problems. In fact, he's told people about them without my consent. :-/

Anyway, I don't think you should be ashamed of being bi or anything else. I understand there might be people you feel less comfortable telling, and you should decide if and when you tell, but you shouldn't avoid telling just to appease him. In any case, you can come here and get some of those feelings out when you need to. I hope that helps some.

[EJ711]

Lexi,

I see what you're describing more as a "Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus" issue. Men in general like to hide their feelings and keep them inside. Women tend to want to talk about their feelings. Women often problem solve by talking.

Hugs, Jane

Lexicon78,
I myself come from a family of control freaks and sometimes, they take me by surprise and ruin my day. I can think of two reasons for your boyfriends behavior:
One reason is that he may have grown up in a family where the parents wanted to know everything about him (they violated his boundaries). Thus, he may have decided to prevent that from happening to him again by being secretive.
And the second reason could be that his family may have been the type in which people do not comment on their plans or issues.