[moonbeam2]

i dont know what to do? ive been feeling better for about 2 weeks roughley after being depressed for a very long time like sence october,i was loosing weight i had no appitite ,things were rough its to the point now were i dont know how to act !when i was depressed i felt weighed down & didnt have energy to care i was always sad & crying like i was in a cave & unaware of my surroundings ,i still did things like pay bill laundry & dishes ,im trying here umm ? ok it started the other day i took kids to go school shopping & i finished up that night was good & came home & was playing with the dog & i told my husband i was feeling better & he made a comment that he noticed i was gaining weight not alot i am a size zero so a pound makes a difference you can notice it & im not worrried about my weight i just had no appitite when i was sad,then i said i am gonna wait a few weeks see if im feeling better with kids going back to school ,i may try to go back to work he said that would be good,then he asked me if all the bills were paid & can he breath now ,nother words can he not worry anymore ,i try to spare him the details & he wants it that way ,he has told me many of time i make it i dont wanna see it go,given when he asked me that question i wanted to say yes you can breath & i tried to by saying well we will always have bills to pay,the 1 i was talking about was the mortgadge was due the day he asked me that,but i didnt say that ,so he copt a attitude with me & said what did you ddo with all the money,& i can honsly say all i do with the money is pay bills &food shop good old giant eagel gets most of my money,oh & i have doc apts too he lost our health ins a year ago because his buisness partner decided to cancel it without telling me until 3 months passed & i went to get my meds & the pharmist toold me i didnt have ins anymore & my meds will coast me $900.just for the one seriguil,i managed to get all my meds worked out & i kept my doc shrink & med man ,it coast me out of pocket $400 a month for doc&meds ,its the best i can do so we had a big arguement about it & we havent done that in yrs,so yesterday he stayed out late at garage with brothers,so then it come to today & i was up alittle late lastnight trying to help someone that was sad i stayed with this person till 2am thats alittle late for me & the meds get messed up but i thought i could sleep in & i did alittle but was still dragging bt,i came downstairs & he has been up for hrs, he says to me you gotta go get stuff for breakfast i had 1 bottal of mt dew i need my caffien,so i go with my son & he says pick me up a coffee on the way back i said yea right ,we go & come back & he has to cook breakfast cause i went ,he says were is my coffee & i told him he would have to make it i bought him a bag,he is cooking & he has a attitude,he made me eggs & bacon i eat witch is great i tought cause i ate well this is new to me haveing hunger pains & appitite,after that he goes to get dressed & laundry is a mess nothing is were it is saposta be ill say that,so he gets pissed & says i hate that f----- L room,i told him i will help you find what you want if you would tell me just ask ,so then its time to take my lamotrin ,it makes me tired,so i said im gonna go take a nap,shortly after he comes up & says you all r lazy me & dog,so i acted like i was sleeping he goes into bathrooom & the toilet sometimes u have to take the back off & pull the thing to flush it,so he starts *****ing about that,i still act like im sleeping,shortly there after he yellls up your dads here ,my dad hasent been to my house in a year,thats a hole other story,so i get downstairs & we start talking & husband starts talking about how i wont let my kids have a myspace,& he starts again getting on me about that, then his brother comes over & again he starts he tells my kids to give his son some of there games to wii ,he says they dont play it anymore give him some of your games,the kids hesitate & husband tells my kid your stingy,so i feeling awkward about it walk in the room & say no they r not allowed to give there games away,those games coast me $60 at times i didnt say that i just said no,he is home tomarrow i hope we dont have another day like today,because im starting to wounder if we r compatitable anymore,he always seems grumpy & i feel he is this way because he has to deal with my illness all the time,i just dont know what to do ,i cant talk to him with reason & im tired of acting like everthing is fine,we havent had sex in like oh i dont know how many years yes years,its just not there ?