[browneyedgirl20]

Not sure if this is the right forum, and this post will definitely be a "he-said, she-said" post but its the only way to explain what has been going on. I'm 20 and I feel like I'm 14 again, in high school with petty little fights. It is ridiculous.

I started university a year ago, and felt lonely.

In our course, we have a group of around 7 girls who all sit together in lectures and I felt like they all got on with each other and were really close and I felt a bit left out. I didn't get invited to as many events with them as I was hoping I would, but we all got to know each other better over the course of the year.

I finally got closer to one of the girls after we spent a night out together without anyone else and we had a lot of fun. I felt like I'd made a friend, someone I could go to if I wanted to get anything off my chest. She was the only one who made me feel comfortable, like someone wanted to be my friend too.

Summer break is four months long and in this time (as she moved back home), I texted her about three or four times at most just to see how she was doing and if she was enjoying the break. I got "who is this?" as a response or she just ignored me. I commented once or twice on her page on facebook. I understood she was working during the summer and that I may not get a reply straight away but I wasn't expecting to be crossed out and ignored like that.

As this week we return back to university, last week I commented on her facebook again and in a joke-type way asked why she never talked to me. One of the other girls in the course joked that I was "rejected" and I responded by saying the girl in question hadn't saved my number and had ignored me all summer and I felt a bit down about it, and jokingly said she should make it up to me so that she knew I wasn't being too serious about it. She deleted this comment from her page. I felt really angry at this.

A day later, she texted me saying she felt I clinged onto her and put in little effort with the other girls and she doesn't like it, but that she's still my friend.
I was genuinely upset by this. Yes, maybe I had given her more attention than the others but she was the only one who was really nice to me and seemed as though she was there if I ever needed a friend.

I wish I hadn't responded, but too late for that. I told her that the comment on facebook was not intended to offend her. I told her over the past year I felt really lonely and she made me feel like I had a friend, but I must have been wrong. I told her that a lot of my friends from before university had went to other cities and I hoped university would gain me a few close friends. I added that I wish I had gone to another city because then maybe I'd have made the friends I'd hoped I'd make here.

She responded to this saying I was turning this on her and that it wasn't her problem, to which I replied I hadn't turned it on her, I was just telling her how I feel.

She said we are friends, we're just not best friends and this will only be awkward if I make it awkward because she isn't a horrible person. I'm not a horrible person either, I told her, but I just don't understand how it got this far. She laughed at me and asked why I was getting so angry, we were friends so why is there a problem? I explained that she'd made me feel like a creep, as if I'd been stalking her or something. She insisted I wasn't a creep, and that all was fine. I responded for the last time saying everything was ok then, sort of so let's just drop it, not meaning to seem like I was being rude. I just wanted to stop arguing. She called me rude, for telling her how I felt.

I really feel down about it. I don't understand how she suddenly changed. I do put in effort with the other girls, I met up with another girl on the course once or twice in the summer break, I talk to the other girls online too and I'm made to feel like I'm smothering the other girl when I thought we were friends.

I don't really know what to do next.

[Flooded]

Don't do anything. She's made her feelings clear and there's nothing you can do.

[unaluna]

This is where I would start to wonder if these girls weren't sharing more than just friendship and I was just too naïve to realize it and what had been expected of me or possible on that single night out. Am I weird?

on the other hand, there was a lot of passive-aggressive stuff going on in the interaction, brown-eyed girl, on your part, where you could have been more direct, you sounded a lot like me, that's why i'm saying it, it was very familiar to me. to have a friend, be a friend. develop your depth and your strengths, and you will have friends coming to you.

[browneyedgirl20]

Originally Posted by hankster

This is where I would start to wonder if these girls weren't sharing more than just friendship and I was just too naïve to realize it and what had been expected of me or possible on that single night out. Am I weird?

on the other hand, there was a lot of passive-aggressive stuff going on in the interaction, brown-eyed girl, on your part, where you could have been more direct, you sounded a lot like me, that's why i'm saying it, it was very familiar to me. to have a friend, be a friend. develop your depth and your strengths, and you will have friends coming to you.

No, you're not weird. I understand what you're saying.
Thank you for this

[SolutionIsProcess]

browneyedgirl, have you had any other friends (or people you'd like to be friends) tell you similar things as to this woman? It might be worth examining to try and understand it better. Maybe you'll find out that it's not you that's the problem, it's her. Or maybe the two of you are unfortunately not a good personality match. In any case, I'm sorry that you have to go through that. I've experienced a lot of rejection in my life that has gone unanswered, and being sensitive to others behavior in general doesn't help my case. But, I do have some good friends who like me for me, and I'm sure you could make friends with other people. Just not this woman, unfortunately.