Do we pick our friendships that our like our parents/guardian?

clouds_and_sun · Oct 01, 2011 at 12:10 AM

I was once told that we chose our friends that are like our parents. Example females will pick a friend that is a lot like their mother or female guardian and the same with men that they will pick male friends like their fathers or male guardian. I say this cause my only friend shows a lot of traits like my mother, she is toxic a lot towards me and puts a lot of blame on me, she can do no wrong and wants the attention only on her. She is not a alcoholic like my mother she just will never admit to doing wrong. She always blames me, she is toxic.
Anyway, do you all believe that we chose friends that are like our parents or guardians cause that is all we know?

Caretaker Leo · Oct 01, 2011 at 01:19 PM

Great question!

Perhaps we are often drawn to people similar to our parents because that is our "comfort zone". We already know how to interact with those type of people.

But, to be truly healthy and happy, we need to learn how to build friendships with the people who represent the type of person we want to be. That can be quite uncomfortable at first, but so much better in the long run.

SolutionIsProcess · Oct 01, 2011 at 08:42 PM

Someone once said that the great struggle of life was being torn between the need to escape the relationship patterns from your childhood that you keep repeating and the need to maintain what feels familiar to you. How profound.

I experience the recreation of old relationship patterns all the time, and knowing this has given me the awareness to recognize when it's happening and get out. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to go about healthier relationships so experience a lot of anxiety when getting close to others who would probably be good for me. So, I am probably going to be alone for a while.

Starvin4Perfection · Oct 03, 2011 at 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

I was once told that we chose our friends that are like our parents. Example females will pick a friend that is a lot like their mother or female guardian and the same with men that they will pick male friends like their fathers or male guardian. I say this cause my only friend shows a lot of traits like my mother, she is toxic a lot towards me and puts a lot of blame on me, she can do no wrong and wants the attention only on her. She is not a alcoholic like my mother she just will never admit to doing wrong. She always blames me, she is toxic.
Anyway, do you all believe that we chose friends that are like our parents or guardians cause that is all we know?

I've never thought of this as friends, but it makes sense. My concentration in school is Imago Therapy... you should look it up. The foundation of Imago is that we choose partners that emulate a relationship that you were familiar with as a child. You choose significant others that have the negative characteristics of your parents and some positive unconsciously. The idea is that they remind us of our previous wounds so they are chosen so they can heal them. I full-heartedly believe this through personal experiences.

Is it possible we do this for friends too... absolutely!!!

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