[Elana05]

I am feeling very overwhelmed by my family, my parents, today.
I work so hard to relate to them but so often I feel like... I don't know how.
I am an only child. I have spent my whole life feeling like they need so much from me, or they really want me to be different than I am.
They never see me as I am.
Right now I am asking for help from my father, but it feels uncomfortable and I wonder how and why we are speaking different languages (figuratively).
My mom (they are divorced) wants me to come for Christmas. I don't want to say no but it's so hard to say yes.
I feel so wrapped up with them and don't know how to disentangle myself and my life!
I know this is a little unclear... Thanks for listening.
Can anyone relate? I could use a supportive thought.

[Ygrec23]

Hi, Elana,

You know you can refuse to play the part they apparently have wanted you to play since you were small. You don't have to be anyone else but you, the real you. You don't have to act the way they want you to. You don't have to say the things they want you to say. You don't have to dress the way they want you to dress. And you don't have to be aggressive about it. You can do it calmly and quietly.

Just quietly presenting them with the real you. They'll get used to it. Really they will. They have no choice. You are important. Their only child. You are the one that now has power over them, they no longer have power over you. Unless you give them that power, and that's something you don't have to do. Just quietly and calmly be yourself. They may be stunned, but, as I said, in the end they'll adjust to it. Think about it. And take care!

[Rose3]

Be who you are. Take care of yourself.
If you do not wish to say yes for someone else's Christmas, then what would
you rather be doing? Is there room for any compromise? I have had the
experience of being caught up in someone else's Christmas too, didn't like it,
but didn't know how to get out of it (anyway that is almost over, but I
realize how I feel that someone else's sense of Christmas doesn't fit with my
sense of it).