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#1
Oct 11, 2011, 07:55 PM
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Ok... I don't know if this is the right place to post this or whatever, but I need help dealing with some crap and I didn't know what else to do besides turn to the internet.
I am 16 years old, and I cannot remember the last time I had a break from the almost constant barrage of insults from my mother. I have a B average in school, which most kids my age would kill for, but it isn't good enough or her. I occasionally will get a bad grade on an assignment, and she instantaneously becomes infuriated, telling me that I am on the path to community college, that I am not good enough at everything I do, and that I am going to end up flipping burgers until I die. She insults my weight constantly calling me a fatty or crap like that. I weigh in at 190 but I am 6'2" so I would call that pretty fit. Her perception of time is skewed and she has no rationality in a discussion, she feels that she knows everything, even though she is a college dropout. She doesn't understand that raising a grade can take time, or that I am under immense stress from her, my friends, and school. (I take four AP classes and one honors math course.) There is just no pleasing her. If I try and sit down to have a discussion with her or get into an argument she just unleashes an army of insults and absolutely stupid points. Once I got a C on a math test, and she told me that I didn't care about my future, and claimed that I was purposefully getting bad grades in school just to make her angry! She asked me whether or not I cared about anything! She constantly tells me that I act "entitled", as if I feel that life should be laid out on a golden platter. She spits words at me that I would NEVER say to anyone. These are things that I would NEVER EVEN CONSIDER saying to her. Things she says right in front of my friends, in front of my brother, in front of my father, and nobody tries to help me. I swear it has something to do with her drinking. She doesn't drink heavy alcohol or vodka or something stupid like that, she drinks about four beers a day and maybe one or to glasses of wine. I don't know if this is a cause or symptom. Its as if she has a broken switch, it is either happy, or furious. That is it. I constantly think about the day that I turn 18 and I am out the door, to go live somewhere she cannot get at me. That's two years away. What do I do? |
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#2
Oct 12, 2011, 01:28 AM
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Hang in there for 2 years! Sounds like it is the drinking. She may be trying to re-live her life though you since she was a collage drop-out she is making it real hard on you because she doesn't want you to fail like she did. You may think two years is a long time but it will go by fast. Just try and stay away when she is drinking if you can.
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#3
Oct 12, 2011, 01:42 AM
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From my experience the only thing you can do with people like that is develop a thick skin. I know how much it hurts and how depressing it is for your mom to treat you that way. At least for me I had this ideal of what a mother's love should be. All I wondered was what was so wrong with me that she treated me the way she did. Well there was nothing wrong with me it was a sickness in her. There is nothing wrong with you! It is a sickness in your mom. Whether it's the drinking, a mental illness or something else it is her problem. You don't deserve to be treated this way and I'm sorry for what you are going through. My best advice though is get a thick skin and let the insults roll off you like water off a duck's butt. Just know that the insults aren't true. They have nothing to do with you. They can't hurt you unless you start to believe they are true and they aren't. You can also try to tone her out. Just ignore her when she starts being negative. Think of a song, something you watched on TV, a person you want to date or anything that will drown her out. Good luck to you
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#4
Oct 12, 2011, 03:03 AM
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parents want their kids to be perfect because they feel like they are a failure if you aren't. It sounds like your mom does have a drinking problem. I agree with the others just try your best to ignore her and just be yourself the best way you can. Two years really isn't that long. Good luck.
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#5
Oct 12, 2011, 04:37 AM
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Bless your heart -- you sound like a very intelligent & great kid. I applaud your efforts at school! Alot of teenagers don't take school as seriously as they should!
Your Mom MIGHT have a drinking problem. It doesn't matter how MUCH you drink, or WHAT you drink -- it's what it does to you. I'm a recovering alcoholic, so I pretty much know what I'm talking about. LOL If the alcohol changes her & makes her more angry, etc., yet she keeps drinking, she could have a problem. There's not much YOU can do about it. SHE has to want to quit -- and it doesn't sound like that's going to happen in the near future.  My best advice is to just steer clear of her as much as you can. Do NOT try to argue or converse when she is drinking, because it won't do any good. (You've already found that out). If she still "lays into you" try to tune her out, without being disrespectful. And PLEASE don't take any of what she says personally. She's a very unhappy woman, who needs counseling desperately! I have a feeling that she doesn't LIKE what she's doing, but can't stop it ( probably due to her drinking). I know this is miserable for you. Why not talk to a counselor at school? They are very good at helping with this kind of problem. They'll be happy to talk to you! I wish you the very best -- please keep us posted on how things are going, ok? Hugs, Lee |
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#6
Oct 13, 2011, 06:42 AM
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A woman drinking 6 alcoholic drinks a day is drinking about 5 too many. It doesn't matter if she is drinking beer or wine or straight vodka, she's drinking too much and her rages are probably fueled in part by her alcoholism. But her alcoholism may also be fueled by her brain disfunction. Stop arguing with her. Try to keep your interactions brief with her when she is raging. Tell your school guidance counselor your mother is abusing you (because it is abuse). Go to Al-Anon meetings. You're doing fine in school and remarkably well given your home situation. Don't let any love or sympathy you feel for your mother keep you trapped in a situation she obviously cannot improve on her own.
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#7
Oct 13, 2011, 08:55 PM
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Quote:
Sam 
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#8
Oct 15, 2011, 11:02 AM
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Do you think your dad would would pay for therapy for you?
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#9
Oct 21, 2011, 06:03 PM
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Quote:
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#10
Oct 21, 2011, 09:37 PM
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I think she is trying to steer you in the right direction and her intentions are good, but her approach sound very poor. This is a very difficult situation, considering she is your mother and you have to live under the same roof as her. Like another poster said, the best way to deal with such a situation is to develop a thick skin. Try your best to avoid certain topics, try to keep to yourself, or when she is on one of her tantrums, use that as fuel to do better, but not for her.. for yourself. Don't let a bad grade in high school get you down. I did terrible in high school and I still went off to college. Community colleges are looked down upon from some people, but many of them are much cheaper than universities. Many of the people I graduated with started out at community colleges after graduation just because it was cheaper and they ended up transferring to a bigger university with their credits. Also remember, the name of the school isn't what is going to get you success in life, it will be your hard work and dedication. A school name on a piece of paper is just an added benefit.
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