Girlfriend grieving 1 year anniversary of death of her fiance

I'm new, but glad to have found this forum. I'm not quite sure what to do. I recently started dating a beautiful lady whom I've known for over a year. Right around the time we met she had recently lost her fiance of 10 years to a sudden heart attack.

We were just friends as we worked in the same building and saw each other outside on occasion for smoke breaks or over lunch hour. Anyway, about 3 months ago we started dating. It was as if we'd known each other our whole lives. We hit it off immediately and were inseparable for the first 6 weeks.

That's when it hit her! The one year anniversary of his death. Since that weekend 3 weeks ago came around she has been grieving. Everyone tells me to just give her time and space and she'll reach out to me when she's ready.

I had given her my pinky ring to wear (which she did until 3 weeks ago) and I have a few belongings at her house. Last week she told me that she just couldn't do this; it was too soon, etc. She said she was going to bring my things to me as she couldn't replace him with me and it wasn't fair to me, etc.

I told her that we were friends first and that I would give her time and, as always happens with us she finished my sentence. She said, "And I'll reach out to you." I hugged her and then I told her to hold onto my things. She is.

Am I doing the right thing? Do you think time and space is all she needs to realize in her mind that it's okay to move on? Her friends really like me and they knew her and her fiance. They have accepted me. So, is it just my impatience playing tricks on me and making me have doubts? I mean, there are many good signs and I know she is grieving. I'm just confused because I miss her so much.

Sorry this was long and thanks for any help and encouragement.

Maybe give her a bit more time and space. And then see how things go.
You've mentined that she finishes your sentences - so is this something that
is okay with you, or is it not okay?
Maybe she's not quite ready to move on? Maybe she'll figure it out.
Did you tell her that you miss her?
I hope things work out.

I love that she knows me so well that she can finish my sentences. Our communication was wonderful. And I have told her I miss her. All of my friends think she just needs time and that she'll come around.

We got along beautifully. Never a cross word; always had a good time together. She just hasn't been the same person the last 3 weeks.

the first year is the hardest. all the first are rough. first holidays....first birthday's....etc. give her time. grief is horrible and people grieve at different rates. if you really love her give her time hon. I know it is hard for you too and my thoughts are with you but I am sure it is all worth it. it could take her a long time to really feel like moving on. continue the friendship for sure. she needs you.

Thanks for the support. I really love her. I wish there was something I could do for her, but I guess just giving her space is the best I can do right now.

At least she still has my things we had taken to her house, so I look at that as a positive. She's a wonderful lady and I've never met anyone like her before in my life.

And I don't ever want her to forget about him. I will always help her honor him and keep him in her heart. I'm just feeling alone right now because I miss her so much.

Everyone grieves a bit differently. I remember when my mother passed, it was a whole year and a half until it really kicked in and I nearly had a mental breakdown. After that, I started grieving the proper way and eventually learned to accept that life was going to be different, but that didn't mean life had to stop.

It sounds like she got herself into a relationship with you before actually taking those proper steps of grieving. Time is definitely what she needs. Be supportive, but don't push her too much. As she said, let her reach out to you.

I know that she has said that she felt guilty because she was moving on and happy, but he was gone. So, I'm thinking when the anniversary came around she just got hit with an enormous wave of emotions that she needs to deal with.

She told me that I was great... treated her wonderfully and was nice and sweet. So, if it's time that she needs I'll just have to give it to her. She's definitely worth waiting for. And, if waiting a few months means I can possibly spend the rest of my life with her then it will all be worth it.

Wow! I saw her for a brief time today at the office building we both work at (separate companies). Anyway, I hadn't seen her all day during smoke breaks or at lunch. Finally about 3:30 I went down for a cigarette and she was down there.

We talked a little, but she just seems so quiet and closed off. Everyone who knows us and knew we were dating says she's just grieving; don't read anything into it; she'll come around when she's ready.

I'm sorry. It's just so hard to see her react to me almost like she's mad at me. I know she's not, but it feels that way sometimes. I'm just trying hold on. I'm not going to smother her; I'm not asking her to go to dinner with me or anything; I'm going to wait for her to work this out, but it's really hurting me emotionally.

I am so sorry you are hurting,and afraid you may lose this beautiful thing that you've found.(((((Hugs)))) I know it is scary,I wish I could help more.

Thanks. I'm hoping with time she'll be back to herself. She is just not the same person right now. I'm going to hold on as best I can and I'll owe a lot of that to people like you who keep me strong during this difficult time.

She is beautiful in every way!

Anniversaries are always hard. I just recently got past eleven year anniversary and this is the first year that it didn't hit me like a hammer.

Give her time and let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk or just a hug. I presume you still see her at work? Be friendly but don't pressure her.

Yeah, we work in the same building. That's how we met. And then when we went out the first time it was like magic. I don't think either of us expected it and then now we're facing this situation, so it's tough.

Update: She seems to be better some days and at certain times during the day. I can see this is going to be a long process before she comes around to her old self, but I'm going to keep waiting for her and keep giving her the time she needs.

I can't tell you how special this lady is to me . And to see her going through this just kills me inside. I'm a man... I want to fix it, but I can't. I keep reminding myself that time heals. It's the only thing that keeps me going.

That and lots of beer.

Not sure if this helps, but I dated an Iraq widow for awhile and I was miserable. 99 percent of the conversation was about him...pictures of him everywhere, post on facebooks on how much she missed him and loves him.....i was her friend at first to help her thru it but eventually i couldn't be in a relationship with her. It was way too soon for her. She is now on her 4th boyfriend after her husband was killed. I feel bad about it all but at the same time, alot of it is her fault. On one hand she wasn't/isnt ready for a relationship, on her other hand, she wants to be in a relationship with someone to help her cope with the loss. Not in anyways fair for the other person.

I've thought about that and she has talked a lot about him in the past, but I understood all that and she and I were still inseparable and it was all good. She actually came up to me today at lunch and started talking. She's starting to come around. I have no problem with her talking about him and I'd actually encourage it because I know that the love she and I share is and always will be different than what she shared with him.

I won't ever let her forget him, much less demand that she does. I will always help her remember him because she's just a really special lady. I just keep reminding myself that this is really "fresh" for her right now. She and I have talked about him in the past and it never bothered me because of the relationship she and I had. Like I said, she's finally starting to come around to her old self.

I appreciate your comments and feedback because it all helps. She'll be okay because she's a very strong person. We've actually discussed this. She has pictures and other things to remind her of him, but they are very subtle and most of them packed away. She moved on actually, but the one year anniversary hit her hard. I think we'll be okay. I'm just giving her the time she needs to regroup and be ready to move on again.