Am i being childish?

not sure if this should go some where else like not sure if cuz bpd traits or what. But my boyfriend got a new computer he set passwords & didn't set them as the old computer ones- found out today. I feel stupid i give him my passwords for emails- face book and some others not this site or banks thou. Thou he could find those cuz i write them down due to forgetful. Any ways i told him i couldn't get into word doc on this new computer cuz it's askin for password he just replies why is it askin for the password. I just shut the damn thing down. I'm upset. See he told me long ago he use to use this girl's name he use to "hang out with" me naturally i think he uses her name in some form for passwords he doesn't want to be know. But why buy and say i can use a damn computer then. **** it. I'm already stressed and upset with other **** maybe i'm just over thinking. Now he'll be mad at me. And now i'm sorry for it all. Really. Feel bad and sad. Feel like hurting me for my stupidity- but i know logically it wont help a damn thing
***never mind my update is that i'm just being emotional. No one really sees things throu my eyes & yeah a stranger would see this as childish i bet. Sigh. I feel alone which is not unusual. Seems like here lately not allowed to be emotional. Like the other day i got agitated and that was not allowed even thou it was cuz i was gettin clawed @ when trying to figure out some thing. I just got agitated and said leave me alone! Yet That's still wrong. Don't get it. It's ok but not for me i guess. Just like not allowed to be sad & stuff i don't get it but whatever

I do the same thing to my boyfriend constantly, but with this BPD, I don't know what to think. I think he's doing something, then he reassures me and I feel okay, but then I think, what if I am right and go right back into the bullsh*T thoughts. Constant circle of *****.

Just letting you know I relate. Hope things get better!

Thanks emptybee- i do the same. Like i get told by t to remember good things and know he loves me. I can't some times. I get even sadder some times cuz i think the good is all illusions and i can't get that out of my head. I get told stop it but i can't. I really wish i could to stop my internal chaos self.

Exactly. They tell you to stop, but HOW do you stop your brain from thinking things. They also say, replace bad thoughts with good ones. I just feel stupid when I do that, like I'm trying to fool myself. I wish there was just an easy "DO THIS AND IT WILL STOP" cure.

I can't find a T that I can get along with. I think therapy may help, but I just can not find the right one. They all give me B.S. or just repeat what I said and tell me I'm right. OKAY! So, HELP ME! It never gets to the help part.

Lol oh my your like me, i get along with this t for the most part it's my first t- but i get the same repeating or telling me what i already know or try and just get told to do it more. Also think good thoughts- that some times is hard and yes feel like fooling self which leads down a different road. I understand part of this- that it's practicing cuz brain thinking has gotten messed up or what not. It's like re teaching i guess but idk thou another part of me doesn't get it too.
Sigh on this post- i worry for hours he's mad at me i keep texting sorry. then he calls on one of his breaks to say he's not mad & understands where i'm coming from i get mad and crazy for feelin he's ignorin me in the time he hadn't called or texted back- but yet as he brought up i did it earlier to him. feel like a bad person now. I don't like this hell i feel i create unknowingly some times

blah I am such an odd creature- I turned on the damn computer to which I got mad about- and changed my signature on here- god- idk about me some times.

"A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
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