Too much....porn?

He really doesn't have many friends in the local area.
He went to college out of state [another catholic school!!!], and when he moved back home all of his friends had left town. He has cousins who live locally. They seem the same. One of them handed him little porn star business cards from Vegas, he keeps all of them in his wallet.

Weird.

Cheap.

I wish his parents would say something about how off it is.
His mother isn't a particularly strong female figure [clearly, since he yells at her in front of me and she just laughs it off.], so I assume she's not really concerned about what his choice of aesthetics suggests about his view on women.

Yes, it's fake. Like comic books, TV, movies, "the legitimate stage" and cricket in Pakistan.

It's entertainiment. It's fantasy.

And porn is certainly NOT the only entertainment industry with drug abuse and suicides. Consider the music industry.

Sorry, I can't let this one go. What does it say about our society that it's become the norm to watch scenes wherein women are subjected to every imaginable mode of degradation and people think this is "normal", healthy even? Why are we condoning this behavior? As is crystal clear from the many cries of help from women on this forum, this behavior often has disastrous consequences. So pervasive is this sickness that some women are even "in on it," as if, not knowing how better to deal with a husband or bf addicted to porn,, they simply throw up their arms and say, "I give up, do whatever you want!"

Why can't men devote the same energy that they put into their vast stashes of porn into making their (real) relationships more stable, more loving, more worthy of being called loving?

Shall we, society, keep winking at our menfolk, saying "boys will be boys", or shall we ask our men to begin to grow up and become men and stop playing at being men? Call me old-fashioned, but I fantasize that my marriage will last the rest of my life, that my wife and I will grow into better, more realized human beings than we could ever do on our own, that our steadfast love will be the crowning glory of my life.

Perhaps he is using porn as a means of satisfaction he isn't getting from you?
Does he seem unsatisfied after sex? Do you often say no when he wants sex?

It's possible he just has an extremely high sex drive and as he can't have sex 24/7 he turns to porn

Sexual tabboo is worse than sexual acceptance. Also, in gay and domination porn, men recieve just as much degradation as women do. Nobody seems to realise that. Not that i'm accusing you of being such, but femenists annoy the hell out of me when they moan about porn being degrading. It's Consensual, and men get the same treatment in some pornography. Granted, the market isnt as big for gay/sub-dom porn as the market for straight porn, but still.

Is addiction to pornography, or even simple over use of pornography worse than any other?

my husband and I are having a problem with porn. our story is a little different though. he is sneaky about looking at it. (deleting his history, etc.) i wouldn't have a problem with it, but it is affecting our sex life...we barely ever have sex anymore (which i hate, it is killing my self esteem) let's just say that before we had internet we were intimate all the time.....now that we have internet, we are intimate like once every month or two..

sorry that i couldn't help you, just thought i would let you know that i can kind of relate, i know it's not the same, but if you need to vent, send me a message.

The comparison of hetero to gay pornography is flawed. Both contain degradation it is true but we are talking about apples and oranges. However, feel free to launch a plea in defense of helpless gay "bottoms."

Let's not mince words, ok? We are talking about women's lives here, ruined by men's obsessions with porn. Have you been reading any of the threads here in the "Relationships" forum? If so, you would realize how widespread is abuse of all sorts. I have yet to read of male-on-male abuse, it seems that the majority of the abused are female and I'm sure what we read here is just the tip of the iceberg.
While a causal relationship between porn and abusive behavior may not yet be so crystal clear any sane individual can make an educated guess as to the warping effect of countless images of female degradation on the male perceptions-of what constitutes feminine pleasure and how a "virile" male should conduct himself. And especially the idea that women are actually ENJOYING such degradation. Given this, and in light of how damaging porn can be to a relationship, why do we persist in tacit approval of such, when it is clearly destructive enterprise for everyone involved?

Great, pornography keeps some men from raping by acting as a kind of relief valve. But how many more men become abusive as a side effect of watching one too many gangbang? I don't think any of the women whose lives are affected-overtly or indirectly-by a s.o.'s porno obsession, wants to wait for the results of the final study to come out.

Feel free to call me a feminist, I don't mind in the least. Women are finally starting to "come into their own"...why can't men evolve with them?

"There comes a time when silence is betrayal." Martin Luther King

HAHAHAHA

I've been to BDSM sex parties, taken part in multiple orgies with multiple genders, have participated in sick sad role play & dress up, I incorporate sex toys regularly, provide him with prostate orgasms, and I can back flip into a position and ride 'em cowgirl til the sun comes up.

I PRACTICALLY AM A PORN STAR.
Except I exist in real life.
With a real, healthy body.

I'm the one coming up with all the ideas.
And I have rocked his world, kiddo.

I can make fantasies come true, yet my boyfriend still needs to see naked girls all over everything he owns?

Wow!!! You ROCK!!!

I think I love you gulas!

I soooo agree with all you said.

This society is so *effed* up-- use, abuse and move on.... most people don't know anymore where the boundary lines of abuse/degradation even are..... so messed up

I do find it sad that women just quietly go along with this all, while so many of their "sisters" are having their lives ruined in so many varies ways.

(and NO I'm not AT ALL religious! I'm a humanist. I hold all humans to the same standards and respect--If a man likes to awe over naked women then he darn better accept that the woman he's with can awe and oh over other naked men.... it's funny how men get all upset over that though... and
it shouldn't be that any human be exploited for profit and yet allow that same society to shame that person in public)

fins

iv found in the past that the amount of intrest in porn will be very high in conjuction to how 'new' he is to sex. but having said that i dont have a large sex drive and slowed down a bit after that stage. (just speculation). in no way in contrast to some people replying to this i dont think that porn is in bad, granted in alot of porn there is blatent degridastion of the female, and this is wrong, but if anyone thinks that sex is anything like porn, they are stupid. all porn is to be take with a pinch of salt. sex is an amazing bond between two (or more) people. porn is obviuosly designed to relieve, i know that people replicate what they see in porn in an attempt to satisfy there partner, but to ignore the loving bond and equality with sex is the one to blame not porn. even in bdsm and domination there is always an underline equal respect. but if the amount porn or even the lack subtlety is bothering you just remember to talk to him about it. no one reacts well to spontaniuos aggrovation and will result in both of you not knowing why the other is anger. hope this helps
much love Dox

I would like to see quantifiable evidence for it, because then it starts to beg the question "Do we censor?".

To me, this is just about being an educated consumer.
Just like when you have to think of the many children who were caught up and killed in Colombian warfare for your weed, you have to think of the many abuses women go through in porn...
[and yes, more than men, admitted by the men themselves. You don't need men to verify that though. Just look at the mechanics of the female body, they will naturally go through more damage given the nature of the work because its a physically delicate place].
Or hell, pollution from gas companies or a corrupt bank. You wouldn't keep a corrupt politician in office, would ya? [Well, maybe that's a whole other topic]
All in all, there are many industries that need better regulation out there...As well as consumers who are willing to think about what they are buying or consuming.

Men naturally objectify from a biological standpoint, and porn exploits that natural urge to the point of absurdity. Porn geared towards women's urges must be sought specially. I can't tell you how many times I've been with a man, and he would have sex with me like he had gotten tips from porn all his life. Every women is different. We don't all like to be pounded, but some of us do, and we don't all like to be degraded, but some of us do! Porn is intended to be a means to and end, not a sex manual or the freaking karma sutra.

I guess it just surprises me that porn still attracts people or turns them on in light of how fake and tacky it can be. Except this kind of "fake" is worse than other forms of similarly tacky entertainment [WWF, soap operas], because its giving an already repressed society the wrong idea of what sex is, which reaps a much more emotionally damaging result.
...More than you would ever get from reading a comic book.

Conversely, I feel the same way about Disney or Twilight type movies giving the wrong idea about what love is suppose to be.