[LoveHopeStrength14]

I just started to date a guy and he's making me nervous when he tells me that he wants to quit his job and then he's worried that he'll get fired. He's very unhappy at his job. We are in the early stages of dating nothing serious right now. When he talks about leaving his job by choice or not it brings up what I went through with my last relationship.

My last relationship which was for two years ended in a horrible way. eventually my ex lost his job, all the finances was heavily depended on me and it was so stressful at the time. I don't want to go through that ever again bc it was so emotionally traumatic.

Is it bad of me to not continue to date this new guy bc he might leave his job?

[lad007]

Well even if he does quit his job financially what does that have to do with you? You are just dating right? If he quits and has no money to take you on a date then I guess you don't go out.

[montospecks]

I understand that a someone's job is a big part of what defines them, but when dating, you're dating the person and their values and lifestyle. If you feel a connection with him in these aspects, and do consider him capable and independent then I feel you're jumping the gun.

The man might seriously be in a pickle in terms of his job, hear him out and why he doesn't feel this is the right place for him. You can even find out about his long-term goals in a career that he feels passionate about and his plan of action to get there. This is a great opportunity to learn about his attitude and work ethic and consider whether this is someone you want to share a future with, the guy can find another job.

But be warned, make sure he's not just all talk. Just my two cents.

We all leave a job at one time or another. It's unfortunate that your relationship has to get off the ground on that kind of note however. Don't forget to factor in the the stresses of losing a job...and having to then ALSO contribute to a relationship. And also, you should watch yourself making excuses for him, to explain behaviors as being the direct result of losing his job; they may be, but they also may just be him. Either way, you will learn a lot about the guy if you stick with him. Montospecks has a point, it could be a good time to see what kind of stuff he's made of-and my guess is you'll find out in a hurry. But even if he's a stand-up guy, that kind of stress can make anyone act funny.

Personally, I eventually come to resent paying for everything-or even more importantly, the IDEA that I "have to" pay for everything. I don't ever like to be or appear spiteful but in the end, that's what that kind of imbalance in a relationship makes me. Let's face it, I love to treat but I also love to do so knowing that I don't have to do so all the time. Which is why dating unemployed/underemployed women is a bad idea, for me.

Your gut is your best weapon, use it.

[CantExplain]

My wife was often concerned (with reason) that I was on the verge of losing my job. And for six months in 2008, both of us were out of work. We managed somehow.

By the way, we are still in the worst recession since the 1930s. A lot of good men are unemployed.

[Perna]

I would not date anyone that made me uncomfortable in any way. It is not bad or horrible of you to have had the background and experiences you have had and want to protect yourself.

As lad007 points out, he is not you and you are just dating and it doesn't really have anything to do with you but you do have your feelings and fears and know, if you are emotionally engaged with the guy you will probably want to help and that could help you if he gets into trouble.

On the other hand, as Can'tExplain has experienced, one can be in relationship with another and the two people can work together to make it through.

You cannot know what the future will bring and that is probably what is making you the most anxious; not knowing if he will quit or lose his job. The experience you have is of someone who did and it was a bad experience so this new person's experience feels like a "threat". You have to decide what you would like? If you enjoy being with this person you can tell him about your experience and how anxious his talk of quitting or being let go worries you or you can decide that what this person gives you in terms of enjoying being with him is not "enough" to counter such a feeling?

When I was dating my husband, I got us locked in the walk-in closet in his bedroom while he was changing clothes so he had only his underwear on and the light switch was outside so we had no light. It should have been terrifying but I was laughing my head off because I believed (rightly :-) my husband could solve the problem. He is a big man and if all else failed, I assumed that just putting pressure on the door and breaking it would work. But it was/is an adventure being with him in any circumstances and I have no worries when I am with him that together we can figure out any problem.

If this man does not give you some of that feeling, why would you want to continue to date him? There has to be a "team" mentality for a couple to work as one? Feelings we get about a person have to have a "base" or they are just infatuation or projection. In this case you are putting your previous experience on this guy but that would have to be because this guy does not have enough of his own positive self to counter-act those fears?

Your fears are not baseless, you know that because you have the experience to back them up but you do not have to continue to limit yourself to just that point of view; you could have/develop faith in yourself to know you could deal with whatever happens to you, and he if you want to include him; you could decide you are not in the "mood" to deal with his thoughtless I-think-I'll-just-quit threats (because he's an idiot to quit his job without any idea what he'll do otherwise, because he doesn't "like" the job in a difficult economy is no reason he should "share" that idiocy with others, especially someone he's trying to "impress"? He doesn't think very much of you if he isn't worried what you think/feel about that and how it might impact the relationship? He thinks it won't matter, that you don't matter, it doesn't occur to him that you might feel as lad007 suggests); or you can not bother with any of that, just know he's making you uncomfortable and move on to someone who does not.

[alwaysrejoice]

didnt read any other replies but my answer is there is nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone because they are unemployed.