i don't love my family

years of mental and physical abuse is the reason i don't love most of my family members.hell i don't even like them.i don't feel this way about most people accept my family.they are evil people with no compassion what so ever.most will not help me ever.they say that's what social workers are for.but i thought that's what family is for.but not my family they just don't give a damn about anyone but them.i feel abandoned by them etc.never felt loved by them in my 41 years of life.my mom and others in my family are like i love you but you should be more like your sister and brother,you should lose weight be married by now etc.i stay away from my family as much as i can.because when i'm around them all they do is put me down and then i feel like garbage for days.also am afraid to make mistakes with any relationship i have ever been in.so most of the time i keep my mouth shut and don't tell people how i feel.because i'm afraid people will hate me or hit me etc.i will hold my feelings in for months and years at a time.also when i did express my feelings to my family i got called nasty names and got smacked in the face mouth area by my family.stuff like this has been going on since i was as young as 5 years old.i don't let many people get close to me.i'm scared of dealing with abuse from others etc.

Sorry about what you are enduring, UCLAFan.

Do you think about your family each day even when you are away from them? Based on your post, it may take something more than separation to deal with the issues you harbor.

no i only think of them if i'm having had bad day or someone says something rude to me like my family do's.i do not miss them at all.they are not worth my time etc

I also have many memebers of my family that I would rather not associate with. My mother is the most disfunctional of them all. I tried for many years to forgive her for what she put me and my sisters through while we were growing up. Every time I would let her back into my life things would become incressingly difficult and she would ultimately do something to hurt me or my children. I finally had enough about 3 years ago and decided that even though I would like to have a relationship with her, a violent, cruel, and unloving relationship was not what I was seeking and that is all she has to offer me. I have since not spoken, or seen her in this time. Now my life has less of the drama that she brings and my family is safe, however I still have many issues from our relationship that tends to spill over into other relationships that I have. I am now seeing just how much she has impacted my life and continues to even though she is not around. Even though I do not like my mother as a whole I love her because she is my mom and wish her the best.

My advise would be to keep space between you and those that hurt you. Just because you are not with them doesn't mean that you can't love them from a far. Think about getting some counsoling for the pain that you are carring. You will never forget the words or the physical but allowing it to continue is only going to weaken your spirit even more. To build yourself up be with possitive people that want to be with you. You will find that your past relationships are going to impact your future relationships but perhaps with counsoling you can learn how to let go and adjust to new beginings.

Best of luck to you.

They don't sound like family. You're going to need a lot of therapy and if I were you I would completely cut this trash out of my life. What the hell good are they to you? Family does NOT, repeat does NOT act that way over and over and over again unless they are abusers. You're 41 now - why stay around - certainly not for the companionship!!!

Your self-esteem has been desecrated to none - just RUN and start a new SECRET life they are not invited to be involved in. They lost that right many many years ago. I say secret cuz it'd kill them just wondering what you were up to. lol just my two cents - they are the crazy ones. It's up to you to keep you safe and happy.

i was in therapy for a few years.but then insurance stopped paying for it

I would echo the recommendations about putting more distance between yourself and your "family". My mother is a classic Narcissist who use to like to "weaponize" us kids against our father. I've found that the less contact I have with her, the better I feel.

I'm in the same boat regarding trouble with current relationships and being worried about the other party getting angry, leaving me, etc. Only real advice I can give is what my therapist told me: "just because your childhood was full of relationships like that doesn't mean all your relationships will be that way."

i stay away from them as much as possible.i even stopped talking to my mother for 2 years.but i made the mistake of talking to her again.i also don't talk to other relatives much either.but some kind of abandoned me and flat out told me have your social worker help you.i'm not the needy kind of person but it would be nice to get support from someone other then my social worker everyone once in awhile.but i guess i should not expect them to help me since they did abuse me.the last few relationships i have had with so called friends have sucked.so i'm alone about 90% of the time.

I don't got a family..not a real one at least; if it was me, I'd walk out on them first chance I could so I give it to you for staying.

hello UCLAfan.

I was horribly abused by my father while I was growing up, it mainly started after my mom died and he had to come home to look after me and older brothers. I was 7 yrs old (the youngest). He blamed me for my mom's death (dx cervical cancer after I was born). He treated her really badly too as well and anybody in his life. I am now 41. My brothers are doing well and living well, I am not. I ask for help but certain family members seem to think they know whats best for me. I am the only one who knows whats best for my future. A life away from the country I live in, or a better home to live in so I am not continuing to suffer as an adult (my ex ran off with 70 thousand pounds and I was left homeless), so I need a break or a lift from somewhere to kick start my life again.
It would be 'no problem', for my immediate family to help get me going again, but I don't get that help.
As for my father, he died 3 years ago, and I was the only member of the family who forgave him for what he did to us. Nobody else will let go of the past, and I truly think therein lays the problem.
Abuse and family issues that get repeated seem to get passed on to the weakest within the family fold. It normally takes someone to break the cycle of abuse. Thats what I think I have managed to do, even though I am living in hell at the moment (it really is bad for me at the moment, if something does not give I may either end up....... or in prison for life, I may as well be living in an asylum, its like that anyhow where I am).

They know this, and still don't help. All they would have to do is 'blink', and my life is changed around, 'but', I will not let my self become like them. I know my own soul, I know that whatever happens I will still hold un-conditional love for them. Thats 'my greatest asset, and maybe my greatest weakness. Nobody could believe I could forgive my father for what he did, but I did it.

Family's, pah. If a family is too stupid to love their own flesh and blood then (in my opinion) they are doomed to be unloved by many (or nobody) when they reach old age. That's why I have broke the patterns of anger, hate, bitterness, envy (that's what I get I think - envy, I can feel it, while they were making ££££, I was reading and becoming more educated, I am still poor though. One thing I guess I learned was information does not par the rent).

I will go down dark paths (meaning - hunger, poverty, misery, loneliness, ect) and still hold my head up high, and say 'I still love my family' (its very weird). I wont become like them and hold onto bitterness.

Good luck finding you're path to happiness, it is out there somewhere. Trust in you're self. Don't let you're self be brought down by others. Raise above them. Make them look up.

I hoped this helped.