[di meliora]

Dr. Jeremy Nicholson in a three part series discusses manipulative dating. He sets up the discussion thusly:

While I believe most men and women have good dating intentions, a few individuals are indeed manipulative users. They sour the experience of others and can ruin dating for everyone. In this series, I'm going to help you defend against such manipulations.

Let me start by saying I believe there are two valuable reasons for studying persuasion and influence:

1. To create mutually-beneficial exchanges with others (where both people get something of value).
2. To identify and defend against being manipulated (where others take from you, without giving back).

Therefore, even if you have no desire to be more "influential", it is still a good idea to know how to defend yourself against being conned. In that spirit, I will define for you tactics that I call "Manipulative Dating Games" and provide defenses against them. Let's look at one... http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...games-part-one

Part 1 is about false promises.

Part 2 is about taking too much. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...aking-too-much

Part 3 is about tricky giving. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-tricky-giving

Dr. Dr. Nicholson concludes:

Giving is part of all normal and healthy relationships. Under conditions of empathy and altruism, gifts are given honestly to balance a relationship and create mutual exchange. But, sometimes gift-giving can get manipulative - especially when a partner uses it to get something specific that you are unwilling to give. In those instances, avoid taking gifts and becoming indebted. Also, clarify their intentions and seek to make an honest trade with them where appropriate. Finally, if you are already in debt, give back in your own way...on your terms. This will keep you safe from manipulative social obligation and your conscience clean. Then, go look for a relationship that is equitable, reciprocal, and honest.

Being part of a healthy relationship is not something that is obtainable without putting in the time to make it work. Importantly, learning to spot an inequitable relationship is part of the process.

[Perna]

I do not think one can ensure another person will receive what one may wish to give nor do I think my being manipulated is about a perceived manipulator. I think the best defense one can have is to know one's self.