[Ness21]

My daughter has just turned 17, and I think she may have bpd. She has done a lot of writing, and it turns out she can never remember being happy - says she is "empty". She rejects physical touches - no hugs, etc. A few years back she had undiagnosed shoulder pain, which medications etc did nothing for... ended up hypnosis got rid of it after a year of excrutiating pain that had no real medical reason. Around 3 years before that episode, she had a year off school as got severe anxiety attacks and just couldn't go.... in both cases, I have been able to trace it back to her breaking up with her best friend. She has also self harmed, cutting her arms.

Anyways... to the present - her Dad and I separated a couple of years ago, and I met a new partner and we moved overseas to live.

She again had difficulty making friends etc, got a boyfriend, slept with two guys in the space of a month, and then has taken to internet sex (texting) with guys she doesn't know - very, very explicit stuff. She got caught with another girls boyfriend at Xmas, and it all ended with her writing a suicide note. so.... we jumped on a plane back to our own country to get her help, but she didn't want me to stay there with her, so she is with family, and going to counselling.

She has just come back over here to me for a visit, and not in the house for 1/2 hour, and is texting men again.

She has also "made" people up.... she has friends on facebook that are her - and she writes messages from "them" to herself.

Ok - so does this all sound like bpd? and if so, for those of you that suffer from it - can you please give me some advice..... I don't know whether to go back to our country with her and get her to live with me, or to let her stay with relatives as she says she wants.... is she just saying that, and would she feel abandoned, or does she really mean it...

I just don't know what to do for her. At 17 she is legally able to live her own life, and I can't force her to do anything, but as a Mum I just don't know what to do and my heart is breaking seeing her do this to herself

[Leed]

Hi ~ I'm a mother too, and while I do NOT have a child with BP, I DO know that your child is screaming for help! She just doesn't realize it. She is tormented and needs intense therapy. I would definitely NOT send her to live with relatives, but keep her with you and see that she gets the therapy that she so badly needs! The doctor might even suggest in-patient care, which might not be a bad idea.

At some point, joint counseling would help too, but first get HER the help she needs.

I wish you the best. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

What does she say about these things? Does she have any sense of her own that they are not a good idea or does she have excuses or say she is "just kidding" or the like? In other words, is she, herself, unhappy about the way her life is going or could she "happily" just keep going along as she is going?

I agree with Leed that she needs a lot of help but if she is not willing to accept it (immediately sexting after having been with relatives and getting counselling) or only wants it on her terms (with relatives, I imagine so she has more "freedom") I don't know that either you or relatives can provide the best support at this time?

I would look into residential schools for her (my husband's nephew needed one at around 19), somewhere you knew she could not manipulate the people she was staying with and where she could get help at the same time, for an extended period.

[Ness21]

Thanks for your replies.

I have talked with her and told her these are bad - she was exchanging pictures as well, all with her name on them! I thought she "got it" but I guess not. She says she hates her family - that she feels more comfortable with friends..... but the friend she is referring to is the made up one.

When I read her writing over the years, it appears she has been living a lie... she says inside she is empty, there is nothing, but she has appranently been putting on a mask - letting people see what they want her to be like = happy etc.

I agree she is manipulating people - myself included, and I just want to keep her with me and "protect" her from the bad things she is doing.... but I realise she needs help - and coming on here and getting help and reading others stories, I will hopefully start to unravel her.

She is here for a week, so in that time I need to figure out the next step - one option I will look into is that residential school, thank you.