[SweetSunshine]

The past 3 weeks I have been in pain with my back. Its been very hard to do much of anything here at home and my dads. But I've been doing it. In little increments. If my legs feel like they are going to give out on me.. I stop and go sit down. Rest a bit then get back up and start agian. Trying soooooo hard to be a good wife and do what I am supposed to do. Everything has been good I Felt.

Last night I was washing dishes. Hubby had been at his brothers restaurant helping clean. He came home and went to take a nap. I was like oooook? It was in therapy that he'd agreed to do dishes if I cooked. I cooked all day Sunday for us. HE did do dishes at my dads for me. And I appreciate it. So I thought I could handle it . But when he came home and I was in tears cause it was hurting so bad and he went to take a nap.. I felt hurt.I've been TOTALLY open with him about bills and such. The ones that are his responsibility anyways. The rest he told me are mine. Like the cell phone and our internet( yeah after he told me that was my birthday gift its now my bill. The gift was that I got to keep it )and tv. Well I am waiting till 7th Heaven has its Series Finale.Then I am getting rid of that too. He enjoys it more than I do . And I'll be damned with his attitude now that he will get to enjoy it at my expense anymore!!!!! This morning he was mad at me about something. I couldnt figure out what for sure. I asked. Nothing. I asked him if pork chops for supper on the grill would be ok. Yeah.He was red in the face so I knew something was up. So I asked. He didnt answer. I came in the den here and saw on my desk that there was something about insurance from Sears that it would be cancelled if we didnt pay soon. Well we cancelled the cc account a while back. I didnt think this was an issue. But I kept the papaerwork . Nothing more was sent from Sears about the matter.He searches for trouble I think just to find something to cause drama.JUST LIKE HIS MAMA!!!!!!!!!! We hashed it out a bit ago. And I told him .. you know I 've tried so hard to do what pleases you . Trying to keep up around here. Pick up after you . Keeping up on bills. All that . You've got me so scared your gonna divorce me I dont have any other choice but to do what you want.He is blaming me for dragging him back in the mud for not telling him about this insurance thing. I told him if I had thought for a second this is something YOU needed to worry about I would have told you! I feel doomed. This week has been so good. My mood everything except my back pain has been great! And now this? Will I ever win? Will I ever be good enough do enough for him to please him? He has also thrown it back in my face that I am not the only one who has pain. And he wishes I would go to work with him for 1 day AND he guarantees it that I couldnt stand it. Well duh! Thats a given. Some how I am being blamed for making him work now? That I am the one thats screwed up his life????? I dont get how I am totally responsible for this.

I thought we were doing good... I really did

i am so sorry to hear what you are going through......it sounds to me as if you are trying so hard and doing so much...please try not to let him get you down.......i so sympathize with you...i have degenerative disc disease and i know all too well what it is like just getting through a day with the pain.....hang in there beth.......

[bebop]

you know beth I think every time he spends time with his brother is the problem. He seems to go off like this every time he is around him. men!! can't live with em can't shoot em lol

[Lexicon78]

I can relate so well. I can't relate to the pain, but to everything else I can relate to. Well, I get migraines but I'm sure the pain's nothing compared to yours.

I do everything under the sun to please everyone. I get put down all the time because I don't do enough. It's like they take and they take and they take. When I say I'm really tired my dad will tell me I have no clue what tired is. It's like he's invalidating anything I have been through. I hate it. It makes me feel awful.

Then if I say I worked or am tired from something, he tells me I don't know what work is...again, more invalidation, more crappy feelings. He doesn't understand just how much therapy for 6-8 hours a day can drain you. He doesn't know what that's like at all.

Please try to hang in there and be kind to yourself.

[Rhapsody]