[EvangelinesLost]

OK... So I'll start off at the beginning as that seems to make the most sense..

I met this guy about a year and a half ago, and we just clicked, both introverts, and both are in a sense freaks, we both have an obsession with zombies and that's what really drew me to him, because he wasn't like other guys I knew... God this is extremely hard to write without crying--

Anyway.. We talked and I introduced my friend to him a few months later they hit it off as well but not the same way, another reason i was drawn to him, he was the only guy that liked me better then my friend.. so eventually they fell apart, few months later they were talking again and she told me she had a crush, i said go ahead that i loved him more like a brother because i did, i had known him for half a year at that point, and it was just weird to think of him like that (my friend him and i even stayed on webcam from 9pm until 6am just talking) so yeah, she made me middle-man and made me talk for her to him and he got annoyed a little, he knew she liked him because i told him (bad friend i know) and so he said they should remain friends, we got closer and he hinted at liking me, and flirted and i tried to convince myself that i was making the relationship up in my head, and i was only going to get hurt...

Well he called one night kinda late and asked if i liked him and i said "yeah, so?" i didn't want to seem nervous even though it was the first time i let him know i had feelings for him, and he said "if it is any consolation i like you too" I smiled for about a week, a freaking week non-stop. I was floating on cloud effing 9....though we could not pursue each other as he is 18 almost 19...it would be illegal

slowly, very slowly he would stop responding to half my messages and only answer in short sentences making it hard to respond we'd go days, weeks without talking sometimes almost a month. I was grief stricken thinking he didn't like me that i did something wrong, annoyed him in some way, maybe he was bored or decided he didn't like me anymore or that i was ugly. But yeah i get on FB and he has a girl friend.... Never told me... I have known this kid for a year and a half and he didn't feel comfortable enough to mention it? Or at least let me know since he led me on! It broke me... and recently he deleted his facebook, we never talk anymore and i tried talking to him once about a month or so ago it lasted like maybe a few words back and forth before it utterly ended.... I miss him... and my heart is so broken I actually DID love him, all my friends said he was ugly, and that he was weird but i didn't care he was perfect in my eyes.....

Im crossing that thin line between deathly heartache and a deadly numbness you would do ANYTHING to get rid of so you could feel something again... I'm ranting sorry... I wish Valentines day didn't start like this..

ALSO: to top it off my mom had come home (i was so excited because the other night she came to terms with my being Goth) and was criticizing the music i was listening to, and my makeup, degrading and berating me... I truly just want to end my suffering at this point life is too painful..

Sorry to hear your experiencing such pain. Ive no real words of wisdom - i think this is something only time can probably heal. If its any consolation i recently had a friend who randomly decided to stop emailing me - i know its not quite the same situation but im sitting here desperate to know what i did or even if the person's ok. Sending hugs

[Harley47]

Hi Evangeline. I'm happy your mom made at least a little progress in trying to understand your lifestyle. I know it must feel like a step back to square one for her to criticize your music and makeup, but perhaps she had a hard day and (wrongly) took it out on you? At any rate, understanding anything foreign to your train of thought is a process. Do try to be patient with her, and remind her from time to time that you're happy that she's accepting this.

I, like BB, don't have too much to say on this. I would tell you though that if he were to tell you that he had feelings for you only to turn around and pick up someone else...I'm not sure you've lost much in him, you know? I know it doesn't seem that way right now, and I know it must hurt. But time will heal this, and I think someone will come along for you who'll be everything you've wanted like this guy was...difference is, this one'll be loyal. You just need to give it time for your path to cross his.

I hope I was of a little help. Try to keep your chin up, and don't let this get you down.