[heytheresunshine]

Today I came up with what I thought was a good plan, but my friends think its a bad/ creepy idea. What do you think? Here goes:

While working as a cashier at a grocery store, one of the other employees came through my line and asked me out. I said no because there were customers around and I felt akward. After about a month, I finally got up the courage to approach him to see if he wanted to hang out. I explained that I said no before because I was shy. He said yes.

We went on about six dates and had a lot of fun together- monopoly, volunteering, mini golf. I took him ice skating, and because it was his first time, we both wore helmets! I even brought him home to meet my family and he invited me to be his date for a wedding.

I really liked him, but the problem was that he was only one month clean and sober at the time. People in recovery aren't supposed to date until they have at least six months clean time, some even say a year. So I told him we couldn't have a relationship. We agreed to go to the wedding as friends, but shortly after that he stopped contacting me.

I've tried to call him, but his number is out of service. I have since moved out of the area for college. It has been at least six months since we last spoke, and I continue to call him, hoping that his number will be turned back on. He's not on facebook or google. I don't know anyone who might know him.

My idea was to hire a private investigator to locate him, and then contact him myself. My roomate noted that I still have the same phone number, and that I'm also on facebook, so if he wanted to find me, he could. I asked two of my guy friends, one of whom is a hopeless romantic, and even he says its a bad idea. I feel that if the tables were turned though, I would be flattered that someone went through all that trouble to find me.

Am I crazy or onto something?
Sorry for the looong post!

[lad007]

Your roommate is right, if a guy wants you, he will find you.
I think hiring someone to find him is way over the top, and you may end up getting humiliated, and that would be bad.
If he wanted you to have his new number, he would have called you and told you what it is. It's that simple.

[volatile]

.... maybe he did something to himself.
If I were you I would be way too curious to NOT hire someone to find him.
I don't see how it's that big of a deal.

[Switch]

I would say don't flat out hire someone, but try and find some old friends of yours, or coworkers, and see if they know what happened to him. Though I think it's pretty clear from the lack of contact you hurt him bad when you said that, and he's not likely to take you back.

Hiring a PI though, if he found out, would get a bit creepy and awkward and yeah... probably freak him out.

[Harley47]

As a hopeless romantic myself, I don't think it's a very good idea. He's likely to feel a little unnerved if he discovered you hired a PI, and as said, if he wanted to find you and he knows your info, he could find you.

I am sorry. I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear.

[heytheresunshine]

Thanks everyone for responding! I see that the concensus seems to be that this is a bad idea. I will always wonder though... sigh

[hoping4best]

Even though it seems that he doesnt want to talk to you, you still have the right to know what happened to him. I hate it when guys do that. If they dont want to continue they can always tell us that. Afterall we wont bite them or something. (though i would if i could
i'd say contact him and then confront him but be cool. Tell him that u just wondered what happened to him.

[RomanSunburn]

I have to be honest... I'm surprised no one mentioned the money involved in hiring a PI. You're a college student, can you really have that much money just lying around? They're not cheap.

I also agree that it's probably not a good idea simply because it sounds like he doesn't want to be found. Now, I see nothing wrong with getting in touch with co-workers from the grocery store and seeing if they know anything about him, or even if he still works there.

Try not to be curious too much. If he wanted to be in touch with you, he would. You never know, in a couple of months, he might realize you were right and that maybe he's better off for it, and will get in touch with you then. Or maybe right now he just wants his privacy while he continues to recover.

[cboxpalace]

I think you should move on. Why would you spend A LOT of money to locate him? I could understand if you were searching for a long lost relative or something along those lines, but from what you wrote it seems like the two of you new each other for well under 6 months. Seriously, wouldn't you be a little pissed off to spend money to locate him only to find out he's happy and has a gf? Like others have mentioned if he wanted to get in contact with you he could, and apparently at this point in time he's not interested.