[hodo2002]

I've been dating my girlfriend now for about 7 months. Around November I saw a text come through on her phone. When she wasn't around I read the text. It was from her current boyfriend who I didn't know about. She was breaking it off with him. From then on I regularly spyed on her text messages to see if he responded or if she was talking to other people. Our relationship was going good until around february of this year. She went into a depression type state and withdrew from me. I now have access to her cellphone account so i can see who she text without reading her text. Just recently I saw she's been texting her old boyfriend. I now have to look at her accoutn 20 - 30 times a day. I catch myself driving bt her house nightly. On a few occasions I saw a car their past 3A so noqw I'm wondering if she's cheating on me. She said she's not. But of course she's not going to. I broke up with her two times now telling her I think she's cheating on me and I can live day to day worrying about that. She always says she's not and why do I want to throw what we have together out the window. So we're now back together. I started seeing a counselor last week and she said I need to stop looking at the website and driving by her house. She said for now no more than 3 time per day. I really love her but don't trust her. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.

[Perna]

Look at your behavior and ask yourself what you want? It sounds like you are unsure of yourself and your ability to be "good enough" for someone else. Your girlfriend has the "right" to talk to whomever she wishes to in her life, she has a past and may have a future with/without you, that can't be known right now.

Right now, when you are with her, you could be enjoying her and your life but, instead, you are making yourself unhappy concentrating on what she may/may not be doing in her own life. Look at where your focus is, on her. You cannot make yourself happy (and you're the only one who can because you are the only one who can "know" you completely) by giving someone else your focus and attention that you should be giving to yourself and how to make yourself happy. Do you enjoy being jealous? Do you enjoy the time it takes to drive by her house and looking at the website (sounds kind of boring to me)? It is not about her, it is about you.

It is not whether she is trustworthy or not, is cheating or not, if you get your "excitement" hoping to catch her and prove yourself right, that would be about you and what you were wanting to do. You are in control of your actions, driving by her house is about you. If you love her, I would decide you want to give her joy, would try to think of ways I could comfort or cheer her and be there for her, support her in her depression? Instead, you are looking for ways to show yourself you are "right" not to trust her.