[afterrain]

I want to know how to make friends.

I do have a small number of people that I would call friends. But the problem is they live out of state or are away at school. Its really hard for me to talk to them because my timing is always off when trying to talk to them.

I think that I need some friends that are close to where I live. I have no friends that live around me.

[Callmebj]

Hi afterrain, I think you start just saying "hello" or "hi" to neighbors or people you meet in your area or at work. If you notice something about them that strikes you especially, it would be nice to compliment them. I saw a lady at the store one day, didn't know her at all, but her hair was fixed beautifully and I complimented her on it.

I was shy as a young child; but as an adult, I'm not at all afraid to talk to people in the line at the grocery store or wherever. (I do avoid people that talk to themselves though. LOL) I do have one shortcoming on this; as having watched a very outgoing nurse friend...she can get strangers into pretty long conversations, mine are brief from 1-5 minutes at the most. Often I do initiate the conversation. Joining groups at church, clubs is another way to get to know people better.

I think sometimes due to shyness, folks don't put themselves out there enough to meet others...it's too bad as there are lots of lonely people in this world that needs a new friend. It's really not to hard to do this and make new habits of speaking to others. Most of our interaction came through habits of peers/parents...if they are shy, we tend to be also. Consider it as breaking an old habit.

Hugs, bj

If you attend church, that is another place to meet folks.

[stóirín_cailín]

Originally Posted by afterrain

I want to know how to make friends.

I do have a small number of people that I would call friends. But the problem is they live out of state or are away at school. Its really hard for me to talk to them because my timing is always off when trying to talk to them.

I think that I need some friends that are close to where I live. I have no friends that live around me.

One of the things I've found to be helpful is to go out to a coffee shop near my home with my knitting, without any other "blockers' (headphones, a book etc). Look like you're not really focused and just sitting there relaxing. I've met some really nice people that way.

I have a very hard time going up to people, but have no problem talking to them if they come up to me first. Don't know why, I guess it has to do with being raised to "be seen and not heard" sorta...

I've also joined a choir that meets once a week. I don't see anyone outside of that, but it's nice to have just a bit of regular social interaction.

Hope this helps.

[Jamie4321]

What are your hobbies or interests? is there one which you could join a club for or a local community group? I made friends through a tennis club for instance.

For what its worth, I have my own problems, but I thought your post was really sweet and I would say EVERYONE has friends out there, all you have to do is let people know you need them by taking some first steps......

[Fuzzybear]

[afterrain]

Thank you to all that replied. I try out all of the ideas and let you all know how it goes for me. Please feel free to write more ideas for me on how to make friends. Thank you again.

[doggiedo]

What about visiting meetup.com...it's a site where you can type in your interests and it tells you if there is a group near you, who meet to do a similar hobbie. Ie: Girls Night Out, book club, hiking club, etc. It might be worth a shot.

Is there any one you work with that you might want to go out with after work? For example, there area a few people I work with that I have extended invites for drinks (with the group of us) after work, or if they ever need to get out for a girls night, etc....sometimes that's tough if you don't have something planned that you can automatically invite someone too. I work at a school, so sometimes I go to school-related events to support the students and I can mingle with other staff.

I think once you are out of school/college, it's tough to meet people and find a circle of friends. You aren't alone hun.

[afterrain]

thanks doggiedo, I'll look into meetup.com.

everyone: feel free to keep writing ideas down. I need the help.

[Blondboy44]

Here's an idea. Try always to be cheerful around all you meet, greet them before they greet you, ask them questions or make positive, fun comments about something they are doing, wearing, etc. In other words show an interest in them. People generally love this type of thing. Sometimes people will not respond to this, but if they don't, they are likely so self-centered that you probably wouldn't want them as a friend, anyway. Good luck.

[Purple Mist]

try picking a handful of random people around you and strike up a conversation with them see where that takes you

[with or without you]

I have this problem too. My heart goes out to you. It's very painful. I am so introverted but I know the world doesn't work that way, so the only thing I can think of is to force myself into socializing. It's funny, I went to a social anxiety meetup (from meetup.com) last month and one of the girls I was talking to told me that I didn't seem to be very shy. Well of course I don't, because I don't feel intimidated by other shy people.

Most of my close friends live about 400 miles away from me. I made some friends at work.

Someone in this thread said that people are usually shy because their parents were. Mine were very social and outgoing, and I think they didn't know how to handle me sometimes. I was a quite lonely child. They tried to get me to see that if I didn't make an effort to be outgoing, people would give up trying to talk to me. But here's the thing—I'm adopted. Both of my birth parents are extremely shy, and I would classify my biological father as reclusive. Bingo.

[Blondboy44]

I posted earlier about being (1)cheerful, (2)greeting others first, (3)asking them questions and (4)making positive comments and believe this works! As an adult, I have mastered this and have a lot of friends. However, as a youngster I was also shy and have been diagnosed as an introvert according to personality tests. i overcame this and you can too if you follow 1-4. You do not have to be shackled to your biological father, your pattern of behavior up to now, or anything else. Good luck!

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by Blondboy44

I posted earlier about being (1)cheerful, (2)greeting others first, (3)asking them questions and (4)making positive comments and believe this works! As an adult, I have mastered this and have a lot of friends. However, as a youngster I was also shy and have been diagnosed as an introvert according to personality tests. i overcame this and you can too if you follow 1-4. You do not have to be shackled to your biological father, your pattern of behavior up to now, or anything else. Good luck!

What does this have to do with anything? I wasn't asking for advice, I was replying to the OP who was asking for it.

[afterrain]

I want to my first meetup group meet.It was nice to meet someone new. I hope this site works for me. Thank to the one that said go on meetup.com.

[TerryL]

Have you thought of volunteering in something you would enjoy? I love animals and am volunteering at a shelter.