a lil assistance plz

well im new to this site....and i've seen some pretty good advice given to those in need, so i figured i should take a shot at it and see if some of you could possibly give me some of that good advice too....so here i go;

i am in a new relationship (of three months). all of my prior relationships have been very abusive 6 years in total of every type of abuse you can imagine. since a young child i have been in and out of conselling and i have had many long and short term visits to the pysch ward at the hospital. i am a cutter. i suffer from BP and i am having difficulty making my new partner understand my disease. i have provided him with information and research. but he doesnt seem to understand, where some of my past partners have been in some of my episodes and have had to actually stop me from harmig myself. my problem is my partner doesnt understand how serious my condition is and walks away with shrugged shoulders when i need strong shoulders to help hold me up at difficult times. any advice? i dont want the relationship to end, but im at my end in trying to make him understand how i feel.... <font color="pink"> </font>

IMHO -- if you've given him tons of information on your disease and he still doesn't understand and isn't being supportive -- you don't need him. Living with crap like this is hard enough without having unsupportive people surrounding you!

Hi. Welcome to PC.

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i dont want the relationship to end, but im at my end in trying to make him understand how i feel....

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Sounds like this relationship is at a rocky stage. You can't make a person feel what you are feeling. Imo it's impossible. You must get help and evolve before you can enter into a stable relationship. The guys in your life sound like they are scared or disinterested...or just feel numb when they communicate with you.They just can't and don't know what to do. Are you in therapy?If not..that is not good. I am so sorry you are in such pain.

My youngest daughter is still in therapy and thinks very negatively. She is 28 and still in college. She has had several relationships.

How is your relationship with your Mother..if you don't mind answering? Can you get any support from family members? I hope you will stay at PC. I believe you will benefit greatly from your peers here. Many of them are very knowledgeable

When you feel like you are overwhelmed...please come here. You can ask one of the other members to go into a private chat room. Please stick around and watch yourself grow..

Actually, my mother is a severe alcoholic and drug addict who i havent had much contact with my whole life. she abandoned me at a young age, unfortunantly, i dont have family support. i also dont have many friends. i guess i have great difficulty building bonds for any type of relationships. i understand you cant force someone to feel how you feel,but if you love someone enough, dont you at least try? try to understand how your partner feels?

Hi. You can try until when? There has to be a limit. If you're both suffering...it just seems like a futile gesture. Try being more gentle with him...and see what happens. See if some of that magic feeling comes back to YOU! I am not an expert but do understand some of what you are going thru as I have been there!

My children have broken my heart many times as they don't understand my mental and emotional issues. I have been hospitalized for Suicidal Ideation 5 timesin as many years. Ifeel shunned so I reach out to others and along the way find more answers for myself. Maybe that's how this works!? Every day is different from the day before..if but for a little bit. Live in this day.

hi short_n_swt and welcome.

It sounds like he doesn't truly understand the seriousness. However, what do you know about his childhood? Was he surrounded with parents/siblings who might've reacted in much the same ways to situations and he learned at a young age to respond the way that he is?

The reason I thought about this is because my younger brother told me that he's that way with women and it's hurt relationships... He's labelled all women because of our mother...wrong, i know...

I'm NOT saying he has you labelled. I am suggesting that he might be working with an automatic response that he might not be too aware of himself?

Just a thought...

I wish you well, and again...welcome

kd

I think it's also important that we cut the people some slack who deal with our problems. It's not easy to understand these issues. It can also be extremely frustrating and painful when we do not respond to their efforts. I struggle with sadness and anxiety every day, I understand it, yet sometimes when I'm dealing with someone who's struggling with problems I am, I still get frustrated. We're not always easy to deal with (and I think we all know that).

I also believe, and I know others will disagree with me, that it's perfectly acceptable for someone to not want to deal with someone struggling with issues. It's not easy and it's not fun. I think if two people are just dating I think it's okay for that person to say that they don't want/can't handle a relationship with these problems. If they can't, I believe the ethical thing to do is to end the relationship. It's also not right to give someone false hope or string them along. Were the people married or family members, then I would feel they have a responsibility to stick it out with the person. When dating, I just don't think that is so. I'm not trying to get you down with this comment, I just think that you need to focus your energy on getting yourself better. So when someone comes along that loves you and wants to stick it out with you, you'll be ready.

It is very true, no one has to deal with any person's disease, and no one has to be part of anyone's life that they don't want to. I completely agree. But here i am, someone who has a partner who says they love me very much, but i just can't get them to understand how i feel when i have one of my "moments". Or how the whole psychological part of this disease can sometimes invade our minds causing our reality to be overtaken. I have mood swings that are more unperdictable then anything, and he can't understand, it's not me, i try to control it, but sometimes...i just can't. Sometimes i can't control being upset, frustrated, and rushing into the bathroom, pulling out whatever i can just to make myself feel better and cut. Some people will never understand that it's not as easy as just stopping sitting down and reading a book like nothing happened. So when you are with a person who loves you very much and doesnt want to live life without you- but doesnt understand something that consumes you, than what do you do?

Cutting is very hard for people to understand. They percieve it as pain and unneccesary harm. It is because they care that they don't understand and want you to stop. My best friend told me why don't you rub your arm instead of cutting it after I asked her why she chewed her nails. Is there really much difference?
Try telling him you are compelled to do this and stopping is not an option at this time. You can't look to someone to stop you. That is a personal thing.