[L0st44]

I have been with my husband for 3 years. We have only been married for about 2 months. He has a kid from his previous relationship and so do i. The whole 3 years with him was very stressful. *I found out so much stuff about him.. One day we were having lunch together and his roommate called. Instead of hanging out with me he wanted to be dropped off to his apartment. I had no idea that his ex was in town. I then found out after a few days from his roommates that his ex was in town. She got a hotel and he stayed there for the night. He swore to me that the only thing that happened is that he spoke to her about their past relationship. And she tried to seduce him and the furthest thing she've ever done is giving him head. I let that go.. Then I found out from one of his room mate that he had a picture of her on his rack (where he sleep) on the ship. He admitted it and said he forgot to take it off. Then when they went out the sea.. Their ship pulled in and he called me and his roommate was drunk and asked who he was talking to on the phone. When he said it was me. His roommate yelled "oh did you know? he just cheated on you?" my boyfriend hung up on me. To cut it short he later on he admitted that his buddies slept with strippers. He said that a stripper came up to him but all he did was put his finger inside her vagina ( which I don't believe). When they came back from deployment I went on vacation with him to finally meet his family. His mother humiliated me in front of him. He did nothing. The whole time I just wanted to blow.. but I just shut my mouth. I gave her respect not only because she is older than me but also his mother. After those dramas i just had a funny feeling so I grabbed his phone. He tried wrestling me. But it was too late I found out he was talking to another girl. He really hurt me. It was the worst vacation. When we got back I found out I was pregnant.. I told him about it.. But he wanted to stop talking or seeing me. He even showed me false pregnancy, and abortion videos. He would only call me or meet up whenever he needed me. I didn't know what to do.. I felt so alone.. He made me feel like the only way was abortion.. But I gave it a thought.. And I decided to keep the baby. During my pregnancy.. I worked my *** off.. At a nursing home. I worked grave yard shift.. it was rough.. I needed extra money.. Plus when he decided to get his own apartment I was helping him out from time to time. I later on found out that he still had his ex's stuff.. And he was also helping her out like paying her insurance and other stuff. I was upset because I was pregnant and working grave yard shifts just so we have extra money and he was doing that. I nagged at him and after a few months he finally told her to pay for her own things.. Things weren't going right he was still disrespecting me. Talking to other girls.. And he has so much time to talk to his 2 friends on the phone. Sometimes his friends would even call his phone at 2 or 3 in the morning just to chitchat.. He was up for his orders.. So he got to pick where he was going to move to. I told him to pick the same place that way I can go to school to further my education and It would be a lot easier for us because my mother would watch the kids while I go to school and he goes to work. Then when he gets off he will get to spend time with the kids. But he didn't listen to me. He still went for what he wanted to do. He picked the location where his friends are at.. Now, we are living separately. I told him to get a second job since he has so many free times.. He doesn't really do anything at work and when he gets home he would just go to bed, chitchat on the phone or hang out with his friends. Its his daily routine now. He tries to be like his friends. His friends still lives with their mothers. No child supports, no girlfriends/wives. All they think about or worry about are themselves. I tried to explain to him so many times. I told him to grow up. But Whenever I tried talking to him, he never has time to hear me out. I feel like we are not even married. Because the only thing that changed is our status. He still acts the way he acted when we were dating. I am not so tight on him. I actually let him do whatever he wants to do. I forgave him so many times.. I feel like i have wasted so much of my time and energy. I have no idea why he treats me like this. What should I do?

[Leed]

Why did you marry him? Was it because of the baby? He's never treated you with respect. He's never put YOU first. He has always put himself and his buddies before you. He certainly hasn't grown up yet, and I'm not sure he ever will, with the kind of career he's chosen.

You can't change him, so I hope you're not thinking that you can. NO woman can change a man. They come as they are. What you see when you meet them is what you're going to get after you're married. So unless you want to live like this the rest of your life, you might as well pack up and go. This isn't any kind of life for you and the kids. But this is just my opinion. I wouldn't live like that.

I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Irreplaceable]

I'm gonna go ahead and state the painfully obvious. This man does not want a relationship. It's really that simple. He has no interest at all in a relationship, and he has basically told you so, yet you ignore the signs, his words, and his actions. He told you he didn't want kids, you had the child anyway and now you expect him to be a doting relationship family man, which he isn't. During the course of your relationship, he has gotten head, fingered women, slept with strippers, slept with exes, slept with random women and you look like a fool to everyone. You done gave this dude money to help him out and he is giving side chicks money? When that money could have been used for your child? ***sighs*** You are so much better than me. I'm not trying to be mean, but this is just how I see it. He has absolutely no respect for you. None. He let his mother embarrass you and he said not a word. I don't care what anyone says, a real man would not allow anyone to disrespect his woman. Mom or anyone else. We won't even get into the cheating thing because it's obvious that that is disrespectful.

Let me tell you something. Awhile ago, I thought it would be a great idea to go on a vacation with my fiance and his mother. She got drunk, and stepped way out of line by disrespecting me. She disrespected me as a woman, and as a mother. I told him, "Get your mom. NOW" (while she was talking to me). For a few seconds, I thought, "I'm not going to go there. She is my mother's age, my man's mother, and elderly. I will respect her regardless". That thought lasted about 3 seconds, then I promptly put her in her place. We went toe to toe. Of course he stepped in between us two and told her that she was wrong, told her to leave until she calmed down. That, is what a real man does. Wrong is wrong. Your husband's mom was wrong. I would have checked her. After I checked my fiance's mom, needless to say, we have had no problems. Lol. I said all of that to say. YOU tell people how to treat you. Moms walked all over you. He walks all over you. You are better than me. If I put my man on this board and asked him about me, he would tell you that he respects that I have boundaries. That is one of the things that he likes about me. I tell him, "You cheat, you're gone. You hit me, you're gone. You disrespect me, you're gone. I can find another". And he knows it's true.

If you want to continue to be humiliated, disrespected, laughed at, cheated on, stepped all over, then by all means, go ahead and continue the relationship. This is your life. But just remember, that child that you have, you are teaching that child how a relationship should work. If you have a boy, you are showing him how a man is suppose to treat a woman, and that a woman is suppose to stay regardless of what the man does. If you have a little girl, you are telling her that it is ok to be sh***** on by a man. Accept it and stay with him regardless. Those little eyes are watching you. And please believe me when I say, that he or she can feel it. He or she can feel the tension, the turmoil, the sadness or depression if there is any. Your child feels what you feel.

I don't understand why people get married when they already have issues. Marriage and kids won't change anything except make the relationship worse. That's my honest opinion. Didn't mean to offend, just telling you a point of view from the outside looking in. This is the same exact information I would give a good friend if she came to me. Take the blinders off and see him for who he really is.