[noemelo]

my bf and I have been dating for almost 2years now and I'm scared I'm going to loose him.. He cheated on he's previous gfs and he cheated on his ex with me, so that's how we met. Thing is, I'm scared he's going to cheat on me as well. I feel so stupid coz I don't want my friends near him. With 2 of my closest friends, they told me stuff that hinted his been flirting with them. He promises he will never cheat again and that he's changed, he does everything for me.I can imagine my life without him but I'm so so jealous whenever his near another girl and I'm always checking his email and phone. How can I stop being insecure and just start trusting? I'm messing everything up. I'm so scared

[widereciever20]

I feel the exact same way with my wife. I am paranoid that she is talking/seeing someone else and her extreme use of facebook doesnt help. I have invaded her privacy and found some suspicious things. Just recently, one of her ex boyfriends has tried communicating with her and it drove me insane. I find myself getting jealous/mad when someone tries to communicate with her and I feel like she is being evasive with me. I don't know what to do in order to feel more secure and trust my wife more. I love her and I don't want to end our marriage nor do I want her to end it.

[Scotty204]

I have known 2 people in my life that were both chronic cheaters and I can honestly say it is almost impossible for those people to change their ways. I have a coworker right now who's in a serious relationship for 3 years with his GF, he moved in with her and he is still cheating on his GF simply because he has been a cheater his whole life and can't stop. My advice is to be prepared to get hurt at some point. Cheating is a dishonest act and speaks to a persons character. I could not date a known cheater personally

[Perna]

Hi, noemelo and widereciever, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). Hello too, Scotty

I am with Scotty, you can't trust someone who has not proven trustworthy yet and who used you to cheat in their previous relationship. But, I think the biggest threat to your learning to trust is invading another's privacy. That will drive someone away 100% of the time.

The only cure I know is self esteem and respect and being clear who you are, what you want and communicating it to appropriate partners.
My husband and I dated each other before he moved out of his house but he told his wife he was dating me, that he was going on a date with me and when he'd be be back to the house, etc.; he was open and honest with her (and when she wanted him to go to marriage counselling together, I made him go to make sure the marriage could not be saved :-)

He did not use me; he and I worked together on choices about our relationship, it was not just sexual attraction or in any way secret (he moved out of his wife's house as soon as he could figure out how to divide his finances, into an apartment of his own; we did not live together and I did not financially support him or he, me, in any way). I was not in any way the cause of his breakup with his wife; his wife was not emotionally self-supporting and he did not wish to live in a relationship like that anymore.