Question regarding confusion over friendship

So, how do you get over a relationship (meaning a friendship) that had abusive qualities about it.. that you weren't sure were "abusive" but, you miss the person and want to see them again? Why do I feel so abandoned and hurt and empty and why do I think of him when my self esteem is sort of low?

I remember- the same incident of many though, keep popping in my head-
He was singing the song by Kesha-Take it Off and going up my shirt and laughing and yeah. He was being silly as usual but, that was the beginning of some other things for a year.

for some reason I am being too sensitive about this I think.
or when he wouldn't be rough at all but, he would grab me by the arm or push/shove/pull me to tell me that I had to follow him or go wherever we we're suppose to go when I was with others and hanging out and didn't want to leave the room.

I am trying to write about whats effecting me the most in this moment- or at least the memories that are roaming through my head in this moment.

I just didn't like when he would talk about my body. Or compare me to other girls my age. A lot of this was in a joking format which confuses me. I guess I should of spoke up more in this friendship. I don't know if I knew how at the time. the names he called me keep floating through my head-*****, slut, *****- again, in a joking format usually. Ughhh. And I suppose he didn't have to kiss me but, I think he was doing that to figure out if he liked me more then a friend. Guys do this all the time I think. However, he didn't have to ask me to have sex in his car- that didn't happen- I was too angry when he asked this.

Any advice? I feel like I did something wrong in this friendship. I maybe could have found a way to speak up for myself better. I could have been less sensitive and emotional about things when talking to him. idk. All I know is it makes me so sad and the memories won't stop. I think he was a really nice person who didn't know how to maintain respect at some point because he became sooo comfortable around me- to being his 100% self--and I was the only person he felt like he could come too and talk too.

Hmmmmm.....

I'm not sure its him that you are having a problem with letting go. It seems more like you are having a problem with the fact that you didn't speak up in certain situations. Whether or not he was joking in some things he said is rather irrelevant to the point that it made it you uncomfortable and he shouldn't have been saying it ethier way.

You need to forgive yourself for letting him get away with controlling and trying to degrade you.

He may be a good person and does not realize that he is passive aggressive. I suggest in the future if you socialize with him again that you let him know that you don't take too kindly to some of his actions and comments and that as a friend he should respect you.

For now forgive yourself and keep your head up and don't let those negative comments and actions define you. Define yourself.

Lots of love and hugs