[jta9design]

Hello All!

Sorry this took so long, but I have been VERY busy lately and we didn't have a Couples Counseling session last week. So, this is what I learned from the week before ;-)

As I discussed in the last post I did, our Counselor had advised us to create a schedule and keep to it as much as humanly possible. We have done so and things are going much better honestly. We've had a couple little squabbles, but who doesn't in a serious relationship? The schedule has helped, it is an effective tool in our relationship and I highly recommend it. To anyone who is reading this post and didn't catch the first one, if you are interested you can check out this advice in my post entitled:Great Advice through Couples Counseling: Part 1.

The next bit of advice she gave seemed so simple, however, it had been overlooked a few times. She told us to not go to bed angry at each other. Instead of "trying to prove a point" and intentionally hurting each other, she informed us to "agree to disagree" so we could sleep next to one another and allow the healing to begin. I had not thought of it before, but being in close proximity with someone physically, even if you are spitting hell fire towards them in your mind, does have a comforting and soothing effect.

I had to really think about it. Because until our Counselor mentioned this, I had not truly paid attention to how much it means to sleep next to him. When we have fought in the past and one of us went to sleep in the other room, there was really NO sleep and we both awoke the next morning even more upset with each other than we had been the night before. During these before mentioned squabbles in the past two weeks, we have made the effort to still sleep next to each other and, SOMEHOW, managed to wake up less angry and more willing to mend the situation. IT REALLY WORKS!

Granted, my fiancée is the most stubborn man on the face of the planet (they all are right ladies), and we will still have at it a little in the morning. Yet, by having slept next to each other during the night I feel it subconsciously said to both of us; "I know I'm mad at you and I don't agree with you right now, but I still love you and am willing to work through this at a more appropriate time. Let's rest, clear our heads and address this issue again in the morning."

What happened you ask? Well, we both slept and woke up frosty yet not determined to ruin each other's day. We both discussed what we had been arguing about the day before and managed to resolve the conflict and go on with our day. It was wonderful to see we can overcome the anger and allow the love we share to keep us from trying to "prove our points" and hurt one another. Hopefully, we will continue to practice this advice long into the future.

I highly endorse the advice to not fall asleep angry with each other. Agree to disagree, clear your heads, get some rest, re-address the issue in the morning and find a way to resolve the conflict. Basically, take your time to kiss and make up. Don't try to hurt each other and you'll be just fine ;-)

[Confusedinomicon]

I have been using this advice since I started dating my boyfriend. (Nearly the beginning of our dating relationship 5 years ago!)

I learned this because I read a secrets to a long marriage thing about couples that have stayed together for 20+ years and that was one of the tips. It was in a magazine or on the internet, I can't remember. This has actually helped us a lot because we're able to resolve most of the conflict at once. When you don't try to resolve it, then bitterness and anger can carry on for a long time. However, you're right. It's important to not push resolving and get a good nights sleep if possible.

I wouldn't take TOO long to resolve a conflict though. The faster you work on an issue, the easier it is to change the behavior that's causing the negative behavior. If you wait too long and allow it to become a habit, it's harder to break and there could be more conflict there. (Common example: Porn)