I'm looking to get a girlfriend right away, probably this weekend.

Any ideas? Pretty much anything would be useful to me, i'm very inexperienced in these things.

Do you have $500?

*edit*

And what do you need her for? Arm candy for some trivial social event which you must attend only to "show off" your arm candy? Or an actual relationship for no other reason than company?

Relationship, friendship, etc.

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Relationship, friendship, etc.

That's... peculiar. Why do you want one in such short of time? Relationships don't really work that way... unless you're me...

Not necessarily needed in a short space of time, or even to get the girl, just want to know where i can go to at least talk with prospective partners, etc.

That depends entirely on the sort of partner you want...

[Open Eyes]

LOL Michael, $500.? How do you know that?

Honestly?, $500 would buy quite a few riding lessons that will put you right where there are mostly women. At the same time you would receive some therapy believe it or not, as you would get exercise and learn about how nice and fun horses can be. As your learning to ride, you would have something to talk about with the women as well because these women love to talk about horses. Lets see, today is Wednesday, you could call the closest riding lesson barn and by the weekend be around women.

I am just thinking of something that could allow you to be around women without the pressure to think your dating or looking for dating. You don't have to be a top rider, but it could be something that could put you in contact with women where you can just talk and make women friends, who knows where that could lead. What I DO know is that you seem to struggle when put right into a situation that you are going on a date, so if that is uncomfortable an activity that puts you in an environment where women are can reduce that pressure and perhaps just allow you to just mingle slowly.

Open Eyes

[shezbut]

I'm confused by your question, Illegal Toilet.

Are you wanting a date for a particular event or simply looking for a companion to grow with? Either way, it's a lot to expect a strong connection that soon. Why are you in such a hurry to establish that deep of connection?

Have you tried meeting women online? Like: match.com or eharmony.com.

Best wishes to finding a companion that's right for you!

[ssk2095]

i really wish i knew that answer

I suppose I could give you some pointers...

But, before that...
What are your interests?
What are you looking for in a partner?
Are you comfortable in social situations?
Do others consider you to be charismatic?
Are your teeth clean?
Are you a good liar?
Do you know how to use appropriate gazes for specific situations?
Do you know how to fake a smile/laugh?
Are you a good listener?
Are you good at reading body language?
How long can you maintain a façade?

[Open Eyes]

I know I suggested taking up riding, and I don't know if you could really afford it, but you could find a local stable and see if you can clean stalls or help out in exchange for lessons. I know you have social phobia, so I am thinking about how you can work around that Illegal. I am not sure if you like animals or not, but I was just thinking about something you could be learning, and having a horse standing around that you could be tending to could give you something to distract the feeling of nervousness in the social atmosphere. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to learn the basics about horses, cleaning their stall, grooming them etc. Even learning how to ride them, well, typically a horse that is very calm and gentle is used by a trainer to teach beginners on. Once you get over the initial fear, it can really be a lot of fun.

Horses are used for all kinds of therapy Illegal. There are barns around that are all about therapudic riding and these barns are always looking for help from anything from cleaning stalls to being a sidewalker for handicapped children. Horses offer that distraction that people use to calm them down because there are lots of ways someone can touch a horse and calm them that in turn calms the person who is touching and grooming them.

It is just a suggestion, something to investigate, something to learn about and something where your not put on the spot to control the conversation or being judged somehow.

Open Eyes

[lynn P.]

If you live in a larger city, you could try a new thing called 'speed dating'.....but this is just to see if the 2 parties are interested. Its not for a date that evening. All the prospects meet at a bar or restaurant and each person spends 10 mins with a person, then moves on to the next person and so on. At the end everyone writes down who they liked.

If you're looking for just one event, then you could do what Michael said - there are some who are just a companion and not including sex. I saw something funny on a morning show - it was discussing how people can rent out their stuff - literally anything like a hammer, bike, skis, their car and even themselves but as a 'rent a friend' lol. This one lady rents herself as a friend and that day, she agreed to go on an innocent picnic with a person. Some days she shows new people around town.

or start saving your $$$ (i think the suggested retail amount was what..$500?)

you can't make people like you...if you really want a friend you have to be comfortable with yourself first. figure out what type of situation you are happy in & then go enjoy it...(ideally it will be one that involves others) then you stand a chance of meeting someone else.

book clubs, libraries,, grocery shopping, church, hikes, what ever...they all involve others...but if you put up walls because you are desperate & unhappy chances are that type of body language will send people away rather than draw them in closer.

relax, enjoy yourself...be comfortable...like to read? go to a museum & do it there, sit out side & do it...but most of all be happy with yourself.

[stieg]

Originally Posted by Michael D.

Do you have $500?

*edit*

And what do you need her for? Arm candy for some trivial social event which you must attend only to "show off" your arm candy? Or an actual relationship for no other reason than company?

$500 are you kidding me? With $1,000 you're guaranteed tio get laid! Sadly these days a high paid job, great looking car, house or apartment is the only way you can get a date. Times have change!

[Inedible]

The fastest way is to go somewhere where you can find and be around the kind of women you want to choose from. Personally I would try a Yoga or knitting class. Those are things I want to learn anyway. Try asking them how they get to class. Maybe you can share a ride. Or language classes. Cooking classes. Again, I'm not trying to be sexist in saying these particular examples. They just happen to be the kinds of things I am myself interested in learning. You are more likely to meet someone to date if they see you having a good time without anyone else already. Going to a bar and just looking around for someone to hook up with, drinking until someone looks good, would be what not to do.

Nah, I'm not great at chatting up women, I probably need a place where flirting, etc is required rather than frowned upon.

Also I haven't had sexual intercourse in 10 years, and haven't wanted to. It was kinda painful. So I wouldn't want to have sex with the woman, just talk, I guess.

[Perna]

Well, depending on what interests you, what you'd want to talk about; I'd take a course or join a group that included that subject matter and then everyone would be "interested" and/or you'd have a great "reason" to talk to someone and/or invite people out for coffee/drink, whatever afterwards, etc. to explore other subjects. It's good to have a core identity to be able to work from, like moths all flying around the same light, LOL

[LightningMan]

It seems like we might be playing a game of "Why don't you? Yes, but."

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I'm looking to get a girlfriend right away, probably this weekend.

Any ideas? Pretty much anything would be useful to me, i'm very inexperienced in these things.

Um, not to burst your bubble, but you don't just get a girlfriend "right away, probably this weekend". You can't just order one online and pay for overnight shipping. Relationships start with friendships, and friendships take time.

I'm going to read the entire post before I continue, but my initial thoughts are..."WTF are you thinking?"

[LiteraryLark]

um, yeah...I still feel the same way after reading through all the comments.

You want a girlfriend, don't want sex, and are too awkward to strike up a normal conversation...I see...

You know nursing homes are always looking for a striking young man to visit the elderly. Or go to an animal shelter and pick out a sweet old dog, they can't talk but it sounds like you're just looking for a companion.

Can't think of what else you can do that doesn't require a whole lot of effort.

[Switch]

So, I'm probably not the best example because, despite being dead scared of talking to strangers and social situations, I'm apparently charismatic :P However, I will tell you a few of my past bf/gf's.

One I met at a support group. He asked me out on a date because he thought "I had something to say" and looked smart.

One we were in class together, though we knew each other outside class too. I asked her for coffee after each class, even though it was late.

2 more were in other classes of mine, 1 high school, 1 first year. Although the girl from first year was another old friend of mine. We got together after she helped me get over swine flue!

And one I'm actually NOT interested in, but am fairly sure is interested in me, I met at a friends party (we hid in a corner since we both don't like parties) and he's going to teach me to do jewelry making. The only reason I don't want to date him is personal reasons (getting past mental blocks involving relationships) and that I am leaving soon.

Basically what I'm saying is that your best chance for finding a meaningful relationship is by not really looking, and then going for whatever chances occur. Try some of the activities the others are suggesting. Something therapeutic that you can do for your anxiety just as much as meeting people. Don't try and cover up who you are, but try to just talk to people and get to know them as friends, not objects to be captured. Even if you don't walk out with a gf on your arm, you will have achieved a lot, and will have found people to talk to.

[honeybee777]

hey illegal, just call her your wife, lol, private joke between me and toilet...

[PsychiatricEnigma]

This was probably already suggested to you but try a dating website like PoF or OKCupid. They work well for some people, but do be careful. Remember to verify who you meet and make sure you meet in a public place like at McDonald's or something.

Originally Posted by honeybee777

hey illegal, just call her your wife, lol, private joke between me and toilet...

I'm so glad we're getting divorced.

Originally Posted by PsychiatricEnigma

This was probably already suggested to you but try a dating website like PoF or OKCupid. They work well for some people, but do be careful. Remember to verify who you meet and make sure you meet in a public place like at McDonald's or something.

I want to go out with the girl who is the receptionist at my doctor's now.

Problem is I don't have a job or any hobbies or a will to live.