I feel such guilt from not protecting my sister from the trauma of a alcoholic father

I am a adult child of an alcoholic father. I have 5 younger siblings and everyone are on their own course of how they cope with the dysfunction in our family. I've gone through years of therapy and read many self-help books to help me cope and heal. It is still a work in progress for me and I am turning 30 yrs old in 2 weeks.

The youngest of the siblings is 16 and she came to me today expressing me that she realizes how much she 'hates' our dad. She ask me if this is just a phase of being a teenager or is it deeper than that. Will this last forever and she wants to know where is it coming from. Being that I am the oldest I tried my hardest to the core of my being to shield the pain and abuse from all of my siblings. No matter how much I protected my siblings still they felt the pain and trauma.

I told her that what she's feeling is valid regardless if its just a phase of being a teenager or that our family is dysfunctional. I said that it will take a long time to work through our feelings but it is possible to get through all that we've been through. I told her to stay strong and how proud I am of her that she's aware of how she's feeling.

I told her that I have a few self-help books that has helped me understand and helping me get closer to healing, on the subject of adult children of alcoholics. Being that the books are for adults would it be best for her to read books for teenagers instead?

I feel for her, my heart aches for her because I can really relate to how she's feeling. I feel such guilt that I wasn't able to protect her enough from the pain of my parents. How do I help her, when I am still hurting? How do I help without imposing my own pain?

Jenn1fer82

I think you are being a good big sister to your younger sibling here.

I can't give you much info- I am the baby of the family and it is hard to talk to my older siblings about stuff due to they themselves have so many issues with coping.

I think it is a wonderful idea that you have suggested books for your sister to read- I am not sure if Teenager Books or Adult books would differ with different healing- I am sure either one of you could search on line to see if there is a specific age range.

I may ask if your Sister has a councilor that she can talk to- Even if it is at school...

I can understand that may be very difficult and I never did, but it is a suggestion to through out there.

You are healing- and that is the course that needs to be done- You are trying to help your sister out by getting her on the right path for her healing.

I know it may not mean much but I don't think you should hold any guilt for this- you are trying right now-

Many hugs to you. Hope you both do well in healing.

Your sister might benefit from attending Alanon meetings

Bless your heart -- you did what you COULD. You couldn't save her from everything! You had enough trouble keeping your OWN head above water. Living in that kind of household is difficult enough without trying to shield the other kids too. It must have been horrible.

I too am a child of TWO alcoholics, and boy I can remember the pain. I too had a younger sister and I tried to shield her too, but you can't do it 100%. They're bound to hear/see the chaos that goes on. There's nothing you can do.

Your sister would benefit from Al-A-teen -- I hope they have some meetings in your area. There, she would meet other kids her age, who are living in the same kind of circumstances and she wouldn't feel so alone. Plus she'd learn how to cope, how NOT to enable his behavior, and how to have a life of her own with NO guilt!

I'm glad you went into therapy. I did too -- unfortunately I too became an alcoholic. -- the only one of the 4 girls who did. But finally after 20 years of drinking, I'd had enough and now have 19 years clean/sober. Therapy certainly helped me understand the whole dynamics of the alcoholic family and how this disease seems to carry on for generations!

God bless and please let go of the guilt. You did what you could! That's ALL anyone can do!! You're a GREAT sister. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee