[Jenn1fer82]

For too long I denied myself the space and time to recognize that how I was treated was wrong. I pretended and made excuses for his action but enough was enough because when I did that I only made myself feeling worst. I feel bad for not allowing him to say his part. I send him an email explaining exactly how I felt and then asking him to never contact me ever again. Below is the letter I sent him. You don't have to read all of it, just a few sentence is enough to know how I felt. Now I am a work in progress in learning why would I allow anyone to treat me in away. Why would I allow myself to not validate my own feelings. My fear of abandonment and not being accepted have continued to lead me on a path of pain.


I’ve found the strength and courage and feel comfortable to then tell you what has been on my mind. I have been holding back for too long and sacrificing my feelings so what I thought was to have a friend. I tried too hard for too long to make sense of your actions and I can’t do it anymore. No matter how hard I tried to move forward, make excuses for you and to ignore it I was only hurting myself.
You’ve betrayed me once again and what hurts the most is I gave you my trust even after the first time you violated and crossed my boundaries. I foolishly gave you my trust and you then broke my trust all over again doing the same thing you did the first time.
You shouldn’t have put your hands on me, fondling me, you should have stopped the first time I told you to stop, the first time I pushed your hands off of me. I was clear with you but you refused to respect me.
It doesn’t matter how confusing things were between you and I. What I know is that I told you I don’t want the sexual encounter that happened in December to ever happen again. I told you that I am not comfortable with us trying to date again.
It is only when I push my feelings down and ignore the hurt, keep moving forward, is how I am able to stay friends with you
Facing the hurt is overwhelming. The shame is paralyzing. The anger makes me feel heavy.
I need a friend and I thought I had that in you
I try to be understanding and make excuses for your actions but when I do I only feel bad about myself.
Betrayed not once but twice
I don’t understand why you would hurt me again
You encourage me and tell me how proud you are of me when I removed myself from that situation where the guy wanted something physical for me. (the night in the sofa) What makes you and him any different? Both of you guys did the same exact thing.
How can at the same time you encourage me to be so strong, stay positive, feel good about myself and then you break me down.
Raise me up and break me down at the same time. That is mentally and emotionally torment.
I am done with the friendship that I falsely believed in.
Shame on you the first time, shame on me for trusting you again. I trusted you with my feelings and you broke the boundaries again by violating my body.

I bet you’re wondering how come I’m bring this up now, and why didn’t we talk about this when it did happen. I am stronger now to tell you how I feel. I am better now and can heal from the betrayal.
I can’t keep lying to myself that I am not bothered by what happen. I can’t keep lying to myself and pretend that you are a good friend.
Don’t contact me ever again. Don’t email me. Don’t be selfish to check up on me through email days, weeks, years from now. I don’t care to hear from you. You continue to be selfish and I no longer want any part in your life and I have no room for you in my life when I can’t trust you.

[IowaFarmGal]

Good For You, Jenn1fer! You should be proud of yourself, you are making progress!

[Irreplaceable]

Jennifer, even though I don't know you, I'm proud of you. Not a lot of women can do what you did. What you are doing is putting yourself first. I read waaaaay too many posts on here and other blogs/message boards from women who can not walk away, and instead, would rather go through pain and heartache all for the sake of saying that they have someone. Good for you! Let this relationship go and move forward. This letter is good closure for you...Good luck!