[Morghana]

I'm 3 days from going home from my study abroad program, and while I learned a lot and a lot of it was positive, it's sort of hard to ignore this: I didn't make any friends. I feel really weird about it right now because the people around me are all exchanging tearful goodbyes with each other and promising to keep in touch. I've been living a pretty lonely existence, and honestly, it's been hard. It's all my own fault, which is probably the worst thing about it. For me, it's a serious effort to make friends, and I just couldn't find the incentive to make that effort. I withdrew to the extent that I had days when I think I literally spoke less than 100 words, most of which consisted of the few I needed to order coffee at Starbucks or say "sorry" to the people I bumped into.

The amount of withdrawing I've done both encourages me and upsets me. On the one hand, it does show that I can live and do things by myself and that I don't have to depend on others, which I actually like. On the other, though, I hear the others talking loudly to each other and laughing and I think about how everyone at home predicted I'd become friends with lots of people from all over the world and...I just didn't. And a rather loud voice inside of me is saying "What the hell is wrong with you?" and making me feel guilty for not making the most of being here.

So...I don't know, is there something really wrong with me? I flop back and forth, some days thinking I'm batshit crazy and others thinking I'm perfectly rational and my personality just sucks. Neither thought is pleasant.

[IowaFarmGal]

Some people are just shy. I wouldn't have made a bunch of friends either. I don't talk a lot or make friends easily. I don't think there is something "wrong" with us. We are just who we are.

[twinarmageddons]

Originally Posted by Morghana

I'm 3 days from going home from my study abroad program, and while I learned a lot and a lot of it was positive, it's sort of hard to ignore this: I didn't make any friends. I feel really weird about it right now because the people around me are all exchanging tearful goodbyes with each other and promising to keep in touch. I've been living a pretty lonely existence, and honestly, it's been hard. It's all my own fault, which is probably the worst thing about it. For me, it's a serious effort to make friends, and I just couldn't find the incentive to make that effort. I withdrew to the extent that I had days when I think I literally spoke less than 100 words, most of which consisted of the few I needed to order coffee at Starbucks or say "sorry" to the people I bumped into.

The amount of withdrawing I've done both encourages me and upsets me. On the one hand, it does show that I can live and do things by myself and that I don't have to depend on others, which I actually like. On the other, though, I hear the others talking loudly to each other and laughing and I think about how everyone at home predicted I'd become friends with lots of people from all over the world and...I just didn't. And a rather loud voice inside of me is saying "What the hell is wrong with you?" and making me feel guilty for not making the most of being here.

So...I don't know, is there something really wrong with me? I flop back and forth, some days thinking I'm batshit crazy and others thinking I'm perfectly rational and my personality just sucks. Neither thought is pleasant.

Don't worry; I am right there with you. Although I didn't go off and study abroad, I have been in college for two semesters and have made absolutely no new friends. Of course, I don't live on campus, but you'd think that by this point, I would have made a friend of some sort. But nope, I haven't.

Although my problems probably aren't exactly the same as yours, as I have severe Maladaptive Daydreaming that also keeps me from wanting to interact with people, I also have severe Social Anxiety and Social Phobia, which sounds a lot to me like what you might have.

Of course, I don't think there is anything actually wrong with you. But whatever this is, it sounds debilitating, and whatever your problem is could get worse if you do not see a psychiatrist and get some meds and/or therapy. I have heard therapy works wonders for Social Phobia and Social Anxiety Disorder. I am in need of a new therapist sadly, because my mom's insurance doesn't cover it. I'll need a new one soon.

But anyways, are you like this on a normal basis?? That is the real question. Were you just nervous in a new environment, or are you like this at home too? I hope things get better!

And don't live in the past; there's no point in having any regrets. What's done is done. So, you didn't make any friends? Think about all the positives you did get. :33

[shezbut]

'I flop back and forth, some days thinking I'm batshit crazy and others thinking I'm perfectly rational and my personality just sucks. Neither thought is pleasant."

Those are the only options???

Why not accept that it takes awhile for you to develop enough comfort to open up a little, and you just never got to that place? Not anything to do with how you presented yourself to others ~ but you didn't take any friendly people up on hanging out either.

There are lots of open and boisterous people out there! People like that usually make me flee in a panic (personally). That's just me. I can relate a lot to your post, Sounds a lot like me! Before adulthood, this tendency of mine drove me crazy! I felt shameful, disgusting, you name it....As I've matured, and grown emotionally in the last couple of years, I have noticed that I'm significantly less impacted. I'm okay with not making friends now. It would be nice to have friends, but it doesn't feel realistic to me. And I am okay with that.

Does that make sense to you? I hope that you feel better soon!

[rpl10101]

I'm in a similar situation, and honestly I've found that the best way to deal with this kind of thing is to tell yourself that you don't need a lot of friends to have fun! It can be hard but just remember that moving away can be hard for everyone, I'd say give it some time...

[out of place]

I am sorry to hear how dissapointed you are with your experience. I'm sure it wasn't easy to see how everyone made such tight connections. I too have a hard time connecting with people. I try, but I figure, that I tried in my own way and although I am dissapointed with the lack of connection, I pick my self up and try again.

Maybe once you are in a comfortable situation, you will have a better time making a friend. Best wishes!!

[Mommilady]

I know for myself, I would have a hard time opening up and making friendships if I knew at the outset I would only be there for a certain amount of time, like a semester or even a year abroad.

[Wants2Fly]

I'm sorry. I wish I could say it gets better, but I'm 64 and here for much the same reason though the outer situation is different of course. Hugs and hugs.