[spoiledangel25]

I am currently in a relationship with a guy who is going through a lot. We've been dating for 6 months now. I love him and care for him so much. And I know he does the same. He has been diagnosed with schizophrenia. With what he has only thing he knows how to do is drink. He drinks constantly. When he does start drinking, he can't stop. Some of the reason why he does I think is to help him to forgets his problems. I know for myself that when a person drinks it doesn't solve a thing. He was in the Military for 10 years. He has been homeless several times due to drugs. So, I don't really know if that would be part of his problems that he has to face. I want to help him but I don't know how to. I really want this relationship to work. Because I know out of all the guys I've dated in the past, never really cared or loved me like he does. With him too I've got trust. But, the way I feel over a person that drinks, I can't deal with it. I have a father right now that is drowning his mind with alcohol. For years until this day. He chose to drink. He chose that over a his family. So my mother divorced him. He always ran my mother and all of us away, put my mother down like it was nothing. I don't want that to happen to my boyfriend and I. I already had to take off and not see him for a couple days because of his drinking. When he gets to drinking, he verbally abuses me. And when the day I left him, couple days later I confronted him about it. Told me he doesn't remember none of that. But when he is sober he's so good to me. I don't know if he talks out of his head while drinking when he has that schizophrenia disorder but I just don't wont one day he will get out of control and hurt me. He does want to change. I can see it. What is really upsetting him is he has no job. He's living off on a vet. check. That's mostly what is bothering him. I don't know how to help him but to be there and let him talk out his feelings to me or try to support him. Like I said I want to be able to help him but don't know where to start.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by spoiledangel25

Like I said I want to be able to help him but don't know where to start.

Did he ask you to help him, or is that more your idea, that you think he could do better in life if he had someone to love and help him? Of course it's important to support our partner, our friends, our familiy members during challenging times, but I don't see that you love this guy "as is" - you don't enjoy him as he is in his everyday self. He needs to change a LOT of things before he will be okay in your book. But you call it "helping" him, assuming that anyone, everyone should WANT to fix these things - stop drinking, find a job - AND do it on your timetable, when you say "start".
You don't think he has the right to live the way he wants to live.

Maybe it's really your dad who didn't have the right to live that way, not after you were born. He should have been more responsible to you. But he wasn't. But you can't change the past by trying to relive it with this young man.

The is the reason you feel such love and tenderness for him over other, healthier men. I hooked up with unhappy people thinking I could help them too. It's kind of insulting to them, if you think about it. I wish you well.

[SSaysRelapse]

I'd suggest reading a book called Codependent No More.

[Leed]

I don't know if he's an alcoholic, but an alcoholic is someone who can't stop when he starts drinking. Only HE can determine if he's an alcoholic. But if he is, there's nothing you can do to make him stop. HE is the only one who can do that. HE has to want to stop more than anything else. He has to kind of "hit bottom." Evidently he hasn't done that yet.

By continuing to put up with behavior, you're enabling him. You've got to back away from this and just let him be responsible for his own actions. YES, he has other problems -- but alcohol is NOT helping matters at all! I'm sure he has SOME idea that it's complicating matters. So tell him that as long as he's drinking, you're not going to "help" him put a nail in his coffin.

You might want to go to Al-Anon and check out some meetings. It's for folks who have friends/family who are alcoholics/drink way too much. You'll learn alot and I'm sure it will help.

I wish you the very best. Keep us posted, ok? God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

I hate to sound harsh but WHY would you set yourself up like this? It's not like you are married or are family members.

Get to Al-Anon as soon as you can. Seriously, you made a CONSCIOUS choice to be in a relationship with someone that is very sick and not going to get well on his own (or with you "helping").

It's only going to get worse and more painful. Is your life that dull? Are there things about yourself that you wish to change but focus on others' problems so you don't have to face your own.

Get out while you can. I've seen this type of situation before with friends and you are setting yourself up for failure.