[Chris0516]

I have been engaged to a woman for five years(yes five years). Starting back in November of last year, there started to be periods of time, where she would not communicate over the phone, by e-mail, or most recently, by Facebook.

She said she would work on being better at communicating.

She does have OCD, but I don't see how that could keep her from communicating, outright. This time, I am taking stock of this relationship, and whether she is committed to it. I am not referring to infidelity possibly taking place on her. But whether she is interested any more, in having a relationship with me.

Now for the second part of what basically is a double whammy.

My birthday was last month, and I was given a new computer, to replace the one that kept failing.

The old one had Yahoo Messenger on it. But due to all the problems I was having with the drives, I kept having to re-install things.

Anyway, A woman I met in 2002, via an online support group my (ex)fiance was a member of, and became good friends with. Over the ten years I have known her, I have stood by her, as several of her romantic relationships failed due to circumstances beyond her control. When she saw me on Yahoo Messenger again, after I had installed on my new computer, shortly after my birthday, she immediately was upset with me, for not contacting her sooner. I took that complaint in stride, because it sounded justifiable.

I also started communicating with her on a daily basis, via Yahoo Messenger's new VOIP protocol technology(for PC-to-PC phone calls). Some of those calls became rather intimate, then I told her I had feelings for her, for years. But that I had kept them under wraps because of being in heterosexual monogamous relationships with other people in the past. I told her I could no longer keep it in.

During this time, she has had a boyfriend of a year. Yet, She told me that, whenever she talked to me, she would get a tingly feeling along with goose bumps, that she was having feelings for me, too.

Well, In addition to those 'tingly feelings', I have noticed her having a different mood depending on the time of day. At one time of the day, she would be romantic, even somewhat intimate. At other times, she would be almost fatalistic and/or wanting to shut herself off from the world and accusing me of not wanting to have anything to do with her.

Now, She has upped the 'nonsense' ante.

I had to go to a medical conference locally. I had been chatting with her earlier today, before I had to leave for the conference, she even begged me not to go. Within 25mins. of my leaving for the medical conference, she sent me an IM(according to my Yahoo archive) saying that she was going to remove me from her Yahoo Address Book.

Part of me wondered if she would genuinely follow up on her threat. Or if this was just another one of what is be idle threat..

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Chris0516

Anyway, A woman I met in 2002, via an online support group my (ex)fiance was a member of, and became good friends with. Over the ten years I have known her, I have stood by her, as several of her romantic relationships failed due to circumstances beyond her control.

Chris, you seem to be living on the sidelines with "safe" women who aren't available. Once you get engaged to one, you fail to move forward to marriage. How is it you know of, much less are in, the same support group as your ex-wife? Support groups are for member's support, not for "trolling" for the next person you want to date. Too, how is it you are "standing by" when someone is in another relationship! You are not supposed to be a safety net, you are not supposed to be communicating with ex's and/or their friends and ex's unless you are married and have kids together and then you keep the ex in your life because it makes things easier and more pleasant for the kids. You're swimming in the wrong pool is why your communications don't seem to be working; you're on different wavelengths from these women.

[gatorgirl1980]

Perna is correct--these women avoid commitment...but this probably means that you do also since you are attracted to them. There is a reason you like the chase, the dance, the avoidance, the push-pull.

The book "He's Scared, She's Scared" helped me recognize the behaviors that keep me in a pattern of non-commitment. I am still working on this problem myself.