[cyprus2]

He makes excuses..all I ask for him to do is sense he works everyweek. And can't come see me all the time, is to just call me let me know that he is OK and how his day was...he won't do it so I step up and do it.. we are on the phone for literally 3-4min..so I get tired of it and let him know, if he is going to be in a relationship. With me or any other chick he has to balance out work &relationship and if he shouldn't be in one..well he says he will put more effort into it..guess what he does the same exact thing not once or twice or three times but four times..and I feel so dumb cause I put myself threw this. I just want to know is there a way to fix this or is it dead and gone..i feel bad cause i break up due to feeling alone then I miss him and we get back together.I'm torn in-between. The 2..but maybe. Theirs a good guy waiting for me somewhere

[Perna]

Hi, cyprus2, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). I don't know if your boyfriend has a problem or just does not like being on a schedule where he has to call you; he may want things more spontaneous. What are you doing with yourself to work on your goals? Other people cannot make us happy, cannot banish the loneliness or be there for us all the time; that is our job, to be there for ourselves and be working on our goals for our life and happen to have others in it, working with us perhaps or companioning us but not being held to us by our order. They have their own lives and will want to be with us if we are who they enjoy being with. If your boyfriend does not yet know how to balance his life well, you cannot "make" him, he has to want relaxation and the enjoyment of you to be in his life and the best way to help him with that is to be comfortable and relaxing and enjoying your own life and work so it is very attractive to him.

[wagneriansinger]

Cyprus, I feel your pain. Been in your spot more times than I want to think about.

Did you see the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You" ? It was an eye-opener for me, and might help you understand this guy. You don't mention anything about having sex with him, but if you are and he's otherwise not available, that's a sign that the sex might be the only thing he's interested in! He wouldn't be the first guy to "pretend" he's your boyfriend just so he can have sex when he wants it and otherwise ignore you. OR he's not mature enough to have a real relationship. Either way, he's giving you a pretty clear signal, don't you think?

Relationships need to be mutual. If you're doing all the chasing, and it sounds like you are, you might want to see a therapist or counselor to help you understand why you need and want someone in your life who isn't really there for you.

Good luck. Take action.

Anne