[blpmom]

My daughter has been struggling with HUGE anger and self-hate issues for months and eventually diagnosed with BPD. she's been in the hospital and to counselors and most recently to a famous hopital in Boston with a whole adolescent medicine clinic. I've been wracking my brain trying to think of what we did wrong, what happened, to make her so angry, abusive, and self abusive. And then yesterday it happened. The floodgates opened. Her past boyfriend beat her. BEAT the CRAP out of her and nearly killed her. I never saw any bruises or anything. I used to hear them verbally fight and would send him home. One time she told me that he tried to kill her and I called the police. When they came he denied it and she re-canted. She admitted to me today that she even lied to her shrink about the abuse (told her it wasn't happening) because she was afraid of him and because he begged her not to tell anyone!

In hindsight, I will admit, I wondered if anything physical was going on. I didn't like the kid, he was a tinderbox, and came from an abusive home. But I never saw any bruises or cuts, and she didn't seem afraid of him.

All I can say is, parents, if you have the slightest inkling that there may be something happening, stick your big nose in, no matter how much your daughter protests. And if she re-cants, do what you can to catch him in the act, and PROSECUTE. My daughter is so angry now because she is suffering and he is off scot-free. So I am going to check into the statute of limitations on things like this and see if there's anything I can do. She wants justice. She deserves it. I'm also going to ask her if he ever raped her. THAT, I think, I can prosecute. I hope so.

Thanks for "listening".

[OctobersBlackRose]

Originally Posted by blpmom

My daughter has been struggling with HUGE anger and self-hate issues for months and eventually diagnosed with BPD. she's been in the hospital and to counselors and most recently to a famous hopital in Boston with a whole adolescent medicine clinic. I've been wracking my brain trying to think of what we did wrong, what happened, to make her so angry, abusive, and self abusive. And then yesterday it happened. The floodgates opened. Her past boyfriend beat her. BEAT the CRAP out of her and nearly killed her. I never saw any bruises or anything. I used to hear them verbally fight and would send him home. One time she told me that he tried to kill her and I called the police. When they came he denied it and she re-canted. She admitted to me today that she even lied to her shrink about the abuse (told her it wasn't happening) because she was afraid of him and because he begged her not to tell anyone!

In hindsight, I will admit, I wondered if anything physical was going on. I didn't like the kid, he was a tinderbox, and came from an abusive home. But I never saw any bruises or cuts, and she didn't seem afraid of him.

All I can say is, parents, if you have the slightest inkling that there may be something happening, stick your big nose in, no matter how much your daughter protests. And if she re-cants, do what you can to catch him in the act, and PROSECUTE. My daughter is so angry now because she is suffering and he is off scot-free. So I am going to check into the statute of limitations on things like this and see if there's anything I can do. She wants justice. She deserves it. I'm also going to ask her if he ever raped her. THAT, I think, I can prosecute. I hope so.

Thanks for "listening".

Thank you for posting, Im only 20 years old but I can understand where you're comming from, my mom around my age was abused and almost killed by her boyfriend and though idk if she is bpd or what (shows signs of bpd and bipolar) she taught my sisters and I what to look for in guys. Just don't think as a parent you did anything wrong or "didn't" do enough all you can do is your best. You sound like you are a very caring parent and i hope all goes well for you and your daughter, take care

[Leed]

PLEASE don't blame yourself! Parents blame themselves for too much already, let alone having an angry teenager who hates herself. I'm NOT minimizing this by any means, but SO MANY teens are angry these days, and for what reason, I have no idea. My granddaughter is now in therapy, and while her parents ARE divorced because her Dad is a drug addict and a dead-beat, she has had a very "privileged" life, in that she's always gotten what she wanted and needed. In other words, she's been quite spoiled. LOL But she's also a very angry, rebellious young lady who ran away a month or so ago, and made our lives miserable!!! And just a few days ago, when her mother tried to restrain her from running away again, she called the POLICE on her and accused her of ASSAULTING her!!! She almost got her mother arrested -- but after her mother and I talked to the police and told them the TRUTH -- they agreed she didn't deserve to be arrested! Trouble is, because they were called, they are obligated to have Children's Protective Services make a "pop-in" visit sometime -- who knows when!! What a BRAT!! I'd love to give her a real whack, but she's NEVER had a hand laid on her, and that's probably what's wrong with her.

I guess what I'm trying to say is YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. You can be the best mother on the face of the earth, and these things happen! You certainly did not cause the BPD. That's not something we can "cause." That's a "wiring" problem. So don't take on any blame that isn't yours, for heavens sakes.

I'm sure she IS angry about the beatings, and I pray there IS something that can be done to that creep. Please let us know what you find out. In the meantime, I'll keep you and her in my prayers. God bless & please take care of YOU. And get some rest, ok? Hugs, Lee

[Jan1212]

You're right to focus on now than the past. She needs to be able to express her thoughts and feelings without fear, and you will encourage her to do that. You need to allow her to make her own decisions as well and that nobody can force her into anything, it is a difficult situation because she is at risk and as a parent you feel like you need to take action. Since safety is a big concern, you need to watch closely. You should definitely check the laws in your state, your local police, and abused women shelters.