I love my family, but they never believe me

.I love my family, but they never believe me. I was in a cult once, that claimed to help young women with mental health issues. They believed this cult was there to help me. They believed that when I got dismissed that I was the problem, because that's what they told them. They believe whatever the cult told them. They cared little about what I had to say. Then they finally believed me that this place was a cult after other stories came out and suddenly everything turned. Now the same thing is happening, they're listening to everything my treatment team is saying about me being "unsafe", when I'm not. Now I am the one at fault. I am the one that's wrong. I can't possibly be right. I AM YOUR DAUGHTER. I AM YOUR SISTER. LISTEN TO ME. Not to total strangers who you barely know. What is the disconnect there? If you want to support me how about you believe me every once in awhile. I'm not stupid or something. These people are calling me drug seekers and telling me I need to stay in a group home. I have never even been drunk in my life. Let alone seeking drugs. I live alone, independently and take care of my dog just fine. I clean, I do laundry. I buy my own groceries. I never ask them for help with ANYTHING. And now they want me to throw that all away and live in a group home. I don't need to and nobody will believe me. It's so ridiculous and my family won't even stick up for me. I need them right now and they're not listening again. AGAIN.

lydia from reading your other posts I see that your treatment providers are trying to help you. from your recent past posts you stated you have an alternate personality that is trying to harm you. you have a couple angry posts one angry because you said your treatment providers were not listening to one of the treatment providers that was telling the other treatment providers the alter was going to harm you, and were not going to help you, and another post you were angry because they are sending you to sheppard pratt, an inpatient program that specializes in DID, because you have this alter that is trying to harm you.

the way things stand right now your treatment providers are in a damned if they do and damned if they dont situaiton with you..

you were angry when they wouldnt help you with this dangerous alter
you are angry because they are getting you help for this dangerous alter.

Im sorry but mental health treatment cant please you either way at the moment..

they dont help you...you get angry
they try to help you..you get angry..

whats left for them to do...follow the ethics and laws for this kind of situation since you are not helping them to do whats right for you.

the law in the USA is that anyone that is a danger to their self or others must be either hospitalized or arrested.

some locations have some latitude with this national (since 9/11) law. but they cant do that with you because you are not working with them.

bottom line they have to think about your safety and the safety of all within you. an alter has threatened to kill/harm you. they have no choice but to find treatment for you in a secure/ safe location. you yourself stated in another post that sheppard pratt is a good program.

you can fight this all you want but your family and treatment providers are going to do whats best for you. an alter wants to kill/harm you and you arent helping them figure out what to do..you are posting your angry when they wont help you and you are angry when they do help you.. so they have no choice but to make the decision for you.

if you sincerely believe you dont belong in shepard pratt then when you get there tell them you want a lawyer and a competency hearing. a hearing will be scheduled with the court system and a judge will decide whether you are stable and able to make your own discharge decision. if so then its up to you to sign yourself out, find a place to live and the kind of therapy program that will do what ever you want, instead of the treatment program you are in now that is sending you to sheppard pratt.

Lydia, this may not apply to you so toss it out if it doesn’t. But I had DDNOS and one of the very hardest things for me to do was to feel the feelings that told me that my family did not love me.

OK, they tried, they hadn’t had love themselves, etc., etc.

But the feeling . . . that in their core they don’t care . . . it is so absolutely awful.

I hear some of that in your post – who believes you, who will stick up for you? And I definitely understand the frustration that nobody in the mental health “system” really does that, either.

I did love my mother and father and some other family members before I cut the feeling off, or dissociated, somewhere between 3 and 5. And then I behaved as if I cared, just as they did. Love does exist.

It took a support group where I did feel accepted for who I am/was before I could feel the difference between the way I felt with them and the way I felt with my family.

I hope that you’re doing OK and weathering your stay at the hospital, if that’s where you are. But then . . . if at all possible, if you can find a group situation to give you and your alters some acceptance. . . Well, I hear you. You need your family and there not there. AGAIN. Sadly, I don’t think they’re going to be. But there are others in life who CAN be there for you.

I stayed at home and went to support groups at night, sometimes almost every day. Would that be an option for you?

I don't ever remember writing a post about being angry because someone didn't believe I had a dangerous alter. Where exactly was that? There isn't a single person who doesn't believe it. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Except my inpatient psychiatrist and I agreed with her! I was upset with her because she told me DID didn't exist period and that's why she didn't believe it could be possible. Those are two total separate things.

And as far as being angry, I think it's a relatively normal expression to being told you're going to be sleeping next door to felons in group home for the next year. I'm sorry am I supposed to be happy about this? I think you're reading its and bits of my story through my past posting, but you're not getting the entire picture. My parts come on here to write randomly, but they don't show the entire picture. Like I haven't mentioned that after I get out of Sheppard Pratt I will be spending a year in a group home, because they have deemed me incapable of taking care of myself. I haven't mentioned that part of the reason I am upset with my family is because an extremely valuable member is upset with me for needing all of this. You can't go back and read my posts and assume stuff. It's not fair to me as a poster. Because when you write stuff like this it chases away people from writing supportive feedback for that part that needed it at the time. This is the second time you've tried to "catch up to me" now. It's not helpful.

I don't need you to show me the entire picture. That's why I'm going to Sheppard Pratt. I come here for support, not to be woken up from some dim sleep. I am not well right now, but I would appreciate it if you didn't remind all my parts of that, because some of them don't know that and are purposely being protected from that for a reason.

I understand being able to love people before the abuse. I can manage to trust and love my core family members (because they weren't part of the abuse) but anyone outside of them is strange and unfamiliar. I get so scared about loosing one of them. (There's four of them). But one of my best friends could walk up and leave tomorrow and I would barely blink an eye. It terrifies me to think about forming a "new" family. So when they don't stick up for me, it really hurts.

I got it from the postings about you going in to the hospital over the weekend. they asked you why you were there, you told them people were saying you had parts that were trying to kill you. the hospital person didnt believe in DID and called your alters "things" and you told her if she wasnt going to treat you then to refer you to someone else and ended the post with

"She let me leave. But she didn't listen to my outpatient therapist who said I am in danger of being hurt by these parts, because she didn't believe it was possible."

the whole tone of that post came off as you being angry at this hospital doctor who didnt believe in DID and didnt believe you were in danger from your alter.

no I dont expect you to be happy people rarely are when they find out they are about to be put in programs against their will.

I went into detail explaining about things because I thought maybe you were posting while in dissociated states. So I was carrying over what the situaiton was so that what ever parts of you were posting all these conflicting possibly angry postings could get an idea of whats gonig on and possibly calm down so that you the host could come back and deal with whats going on and understand whats happening to you..

many times when dissociatives go through finding out they are about to be put inpatient against their will the whole system goes whonky for a bit (I know mine did every time ) and the host is left going... what the heck is going on, I dont remember this that (like you are doing)

...I was trying to provide some consistency in my postings so that maybe my doing so would help your alters calm down and let you come back out... thats what these boards are for right..to help each other in hard times and support each other...