[pretty_me123]

Hi everyone, a few weeks ago I posted a thread about my bipolar boyfriend suddenly breaking up with me. Well, he apologized to me and explained that it was his illness that triggered him to act that way, and that he hates that he hurt me. He said he can't guarantee that it won't happen again but he is doing everything he can to stay on track like giving up on alcohol because they affect his meds etc. Long story short, we are back together (for now at least). The problem is we had our first night as a couple again but he just wasn't as affectionate towards me as he was before. He wanted me to shower him with affection but wouldn't even touch me and could barely look at me. I'm usually really confident in my looks but I'm starting to feel less attractive and my self esteem is dissipating as a result. Since we broke up I've lost an alarming 12-15 lbs solely based on stress and sadness from the break up. I just lost my appetite completely from heartache. He hasn't mentioned anything about my weight loss and neither have I. I wonder if he's lost his attraction towards me or if I should just relax because after all, it was just our first time together in almost a month. He is normally very considerate, in the bedroom he normally does things to please me first, he's a gentleman; but this time around it was all about him, hardly any consideration for my needs at all. I know I don't need another person to make me feel attractive but somehow I feel very empty and sad that he may not be attracted to me any longer. Do men act this way towards women they are attracted to/care about? Should I just give it time or am I being too sensitive? Is he just using me for sex even after he opened up about his emotions/feelings towards me?

[Leed]

Dearheart, if you think that this is going to be the only time he acts like this, and he'll get better and it will never happen again, you are sorely mistaken. He is quite ill, and this is going to keep happening again and again.

Do you want your life to continue like this forever? If i were you, I'd get away from this man and look for a man who was mentally stable and healthy. Now your life will be nothing but heartaches and disappointments. And now he has broken your self-esteem to the point where you've lost an alarming amount of weight in a very short time! This is definitely not healthy!

Tell him this is just not going to work, and move on. You MUST get away and heal -- this relationship is definitely TOXIC. Take care of YOU and pamper yourself for awhile before you enter into another relationship. You are WORTHY of good things and a good SANE man! God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[Confusedinomicon]

Sex should not be important at this point. Setting boundaries and working on communication is a must. If he is going to have similar reactions like the breaking up again, its more important to create that boundary that prepares you for the event. He needs to know what is and isnt appropriate. Then you should work out plans on how to approach those problems. Counseling would probably help.

Honestly, dont allow him to make you feel unattractive and dont feel afraid of saying no. You werent being too sensitive and I would feel hurt as well.

[pretty_me123]

Thanks for the responses! I appreciate it! He told me that he wants to protect me by staying away because he knows he may hurt me again unintentionally. He claims it kills him to think of how much he hurt me when we broke up and never wants to put me through that again. So it's for that reason that he thinks we should end it. But at the same time he says it's difficult because it would kill him to let me go because of how he feels about me, he wants me in his life and is unhappy when I'm gone. He asked me to bear with him and understand that it's his illness that makes him so moody.

Maybe I will get the strength to end it, but I'm scared that I might regret it. Aside from the fact that I have strong feelings for him, I'm afraid no one will love me like he does because no one ever has. All my past relationships where one sided; they loved me more than I loved them, or vice versa. With him there's this strong connection I'm afraid to lose Every relationship isn't perfect, but in the long run I'm not so sure I can do this. I'm confused.

[Confusedinomicon]

Ask him to see a counselor with you now as opposed to later. Work on the problems while they are still workable. Dont wait until new bad behaviors become a habit as hard as stone.

Dating bp is difficult but can be fulfilling if you have the right mindset and work together.

[seeker1950]

I agree with the other responses here. Leed is correct...you need a healthy man in your life, not one who makes you feel insecure.

[Leed]

You're confused because of the way he's treated you. Once minute he's fine and the next minute he treats you like crap.

You can't keep up like this. Your self-esteem is in the bucket. It's only going to get worse if you stay with him. Since he says you should end it, he's right. You need to get out of this, and move on.

Don't worry about past relationships, as they ended because they just weren't "right." Everyone has those. You'll soon find the right one. Don't compare one relationship with another. Each one has their own pros and cons - they're all different.

Take time to heal for awhile, but get out of this one for sure. God bless and take care. ((((hugs)))) Lee

[jjen]

I have been in this position before.. except it was me doing all the hurting and breaking my (ex) boyfriends heart. I beat myself up for it every day.. but I have learned that I need to worry about my self and make myself happy.. do you thing that he is at that point.. maybe (don't take it as I am telling you to do something please) he needs to work on himself and find out who he is and where he wants to go in life. I fell that life is to short to not take care of our health and make ourselves happy first.. this could be something you two can talk about.

[pretty_me123]

Originally Posted by jjen

I have been in this position before.. except it was me doing all the hurting and breaking my (ex) boyfriends heart. I beat myself up for it every day.. but I have learned that I need to worry about my self and make myself happy.. do you thing that he is at that point.. maybe (don't take it as I am telling you to do something please) he needs to work on himself and find out who he is and where he wants to go in life. I fell that life is to short to not take care of our health and make ourselves happy first.. this could be something you two can talk about.

Thanks, we had a talk and he insists he wants me in his life. He has been kinder to me this week, cooking me dinner and overall treating me better.