[Jenn1fer82]

What is it with people online dating wanting to meet so soon? Most of the men I've met so far don't get how I want to take my time talking/chatting/text/skype for awhile before meeting. Some are saying they want to find a wife already. They say if we don't meet in a month then its time to move on. Some are okay meeting me even before talking on the phone. OMG!! People are just moving way too fast now a days.
Am I alone in this? Don't people want to take their time in getting to know each other?
Is it a bad sign when men are waiting to move too quickly?

[Jan1212]

I thnk you're talking about "not for chat buddies", like they are to actual dating face-to-face, as opposed to chat online-date

I agree that people are moving too fast nowadays, a lot of people are there because they are desperate, or some want to move faster than others, but there are people who are willing to take their time and just have fun and 'date

[unaluna]

from what i've read, which is a few blogs by women actively trying to find mr right via online dating, neither party wants to invest a lot of time and energy in someone if they have no chance of being "the one". and the only way to know that, they feel, is with a face-to-face meeting. You find out right away if the photo they posted was fake or old, if they have awful personal grooming habits, if they are who and what they say they are - they seemed to think it was the way to go.

[Eliza Jane]

I suspect there might be some variation site to site. Some sites have more people looking for marriage some site have people looking more for hook-ups (and everything in between). First thing to do is determine which type of site you want to be on. Second is to figure out if that is the type of site you are on.

Personally, when I used online dating (mostly match.com), I would be the one to push to meet for coffee quickly. I felt that talking through emails and even the phone made it so much harder to get a sense of who the person was and if it was likely to turn into anything. I didn't want to waste MY time coming up with cute and witty emails for a month or two when they'd meet me and then decide that there was "no spark" (ugh, the most over-used phrase in online dating).

That said, there isn't one right way to do it. People really have different preferences with regard to meeting early or not. You have to do what is comfortable for you.

Lots of luck!
EJ (a married woman, thanks to match.com!)

[Jenn1fer82]

Originally Posted by Jenn1fer82

What is it with people online dating wanting to meet so soon? Most of the men I've met so far don't get how I want to take my time talking/chatting/text/skype for awhile before meeting. Some are saying they want to find a wife already. They say if we don't meet in a month then its time to move on. Some are okay meeting me even before talking on the phone. OMG!! People are just moving way too fast now a days.
Am I alone in this? Don't people want to take their time in getting to know each other?
Is it a bad sign when men are waiting to move too quickly?

I also want to add that I'm using the site - EHarmony to meet people.

[Eliza Jane]

Eharmony specifically bills itself as a site for people looking for long-term relationships. Perhaps this is what you are running into. Men who are eager to find someone serious, so they want to move forward and skip the small talk to see if they are a match. I think someone above said this. IDK.

Also, I was on eharm a few years ago and remember that there were a number of hoops to jump through before you were actually talking with the person (exchanging pre-set questions, etc.) Perhaps after getting through all those hoops they are more eager to meet?

Another thing I have heard is that there are many more men on eharm than women. This tends to make the men more serious about each option. They don't have a million women to choose from, so they put full out effort into each one (suggesting meeting rather than hanging back and being fussy about who they actually meet).

Just some thoughts learned from years in the trenches of online dating!!

Best,
EJ

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Jenn1fer82

What is it with people online dating wanting to meet so soon? Most of the men I've met so far don't get how I want to take my time talking/chatting/text/skype for awhile before meeting. Some are saying they want to find a wife already. They say if we don't meet in a month then its time to move on. Some are okay meeting me even before talking on the phone. OMG!! People are just moving way too fast now a days.
Am I alone in this? Don't people want to take their time in getting to know each other?
Is it a bad sign when men are waiting to move too quickly?

There is a big difference between wanting to meet face-to-face and wanting to moving too quickly into a relationship. Until you meet someone face-to-face, there are a lot of variables up in the air. Do they look like their photo? Is their photo even them? Can they hold a conversation (in person)? Or can they only type on a computer, from their mom's basement? Assuming they do speak, can they make you laugh? Do they pick up on social cues? What is their physical presence/demeanor like? Do they seem like the same person you were talking to online? Do you feel an attraction? Do they?

In my experience, the answers to these questions is often NO! You just can't trust that someone's online persona is their offline persona. It's for that reason that a lot of people want to push for a face-to-face meeting. Not becuase they want to rush into a relationship, but becuase they want to know that you are who you purport to be, and that there is enough of a connection there to make getting to know you worthwhile (via phone, text, email, and in person).

I did online dating for about a year and a half, which is how I met my current girlfriend. During this process, I ALWAYS pushed for a face-to-face meeting within 2 weeks. I wouldn't even wait a month! THat was NOT because I wanted to rush into a relationship, but because (1) I wanted to make sure they were the person in that photo, with the job, hobbies, and pet they claimed to have and (2) I wanted to know if there if there was enough chemistry to warrant spending any more time with them.

During this time, I probably went on dates with 25 different women. Prior to meeting them, each of the 25 women had attractive pictures, sent witty e-mails, had an interesting arrany of hobbies/life experiences, and seemed like someone I would (potentially) want to date. However, after meeting them in person, I only asked to see 3 of these women again. The other 22 either looked NOTHING like their picture (10 years older, 50lbs heavier, chopped their hair off, hadn't showered in the last 3 months, etc.), I found out that they lied about something on their profile, they had absolutely no social skills whatsoever, they were so boring I almost wanted to stab myself with my fork, or it was just painfully obvious that were so chemistry at all. Had I spent a couple of months talking to them online prior to meeting them, I would have wasted a lot of time AND a lot of emotional energy. I probably would have developped feelings for some of these women who didn't even really exist (i.e. my perception of the bright and engaging online woman, who was definitively NOT the smelly, unshowered, nearly bald woman who was too shy to say more than 5 words to me while I bought her dinner--and who told me half-way through that was her first outing from her parents' basement in 6 months).

After a few months of these kinds of experiences, I also learned a few things. The biggest lesson? If the person you are talking to does NOT want to meet face-to-face within a few weeks, there's probably a reason why. So, for me, that became the biggest red flag. It would always make me think: What is she hiding? And, a lot of the time, I was right. I'm willing to bet that some of the men you're talking to have had this experience as well. As a result, if you're unwilling to meet, that's probably worrying them. Hence, they're probably pushing that meeting even more (to prove you are who you say you are).

Of course, you have to do what feels comfortable for you. You shouldn't meet someone before you feel ready, and you should always meet them in a crowded, public place and you should tell someone where you are going (for safety reasons). But, my advice, would be to think of a face-to-face meeting as an early step in the dating process. After all, if you were being set up by a friend, or if you simply met someone in you daily life, that face-to-face meeting would be like a first impression. That first impression is an important piece of information that lets you decide whether or not you even want to pursue the next steps (phone calls, texts, longer dates, etc). Just because you meet someone face-to-face doesn't mean that things will start progressing rapidly. It just gives you enough information to know whether there should be a "date 2"-- or whether you should move on.

[harleychic]

With so many games people play on dating sites alot of people like to meet fairly soon so they can see in person if your really genuine. Let's face it men respond visually to a woman first and either they feel chemistry or not. I personally have no desire to be a chat buddy and spent months msg'n back and forth and draggin' everything out to find out when finally meeting this person they can't hold a real conversation in person.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I did online dating for about a year and a half, which is how I met my current girlfriend.
During this time, I probably went on dates with 25 different women. Prior to meeting them, each of the 25 women had attractive pictures, sent witty e-mails, had an interesting arrany of hobbies/life experiences, and seemed like someone I would (potentially) want to date. However, after meeting them in person, I only asked to see 3 of these women again.

sis, thank you SO MUCH for sharing your experiences here. I told T, why is it that reading this made me feel all scared and vulnerable and icky and awful (yet hopeful!), whereas reading stories more like my own - "i'm sitting here all alone, no one one loves me, no one will ever love" - which SHOULD terrify me, i actually find comforting. something to work on.

[Rob1210]

I've met loads of girls online, and for reasons given above, started to ask to meet up fairly quickly after a lot of dead ends. I met my current girlfriend online after 2 days, and 4 years later are just as happy as when we met. We've had our ups and downs as I think most people do, but all in all, its been the best time of my life.

I love online dating :-D

[Perna]

I don't think people are moving too quickly. In the "old" days, there was no online, you had to meet a person in person (often through a "blind" date, where you did not know anything about the person or pick them yourself) and decide, from the first meeting, if you wanted to continue meeting.

It's okay to be nervous about meeting people but just chatting on the sidelines is a bit like the old "wall flower" who stood at the sides of a party and didn't get asked to dance. If you are too afraid, take it too slowly, people will notice that and most will move on to people who don't take so much energy to get to know.