[LivyLove]

Hello Everyone,
Lately i have been overwhelmed with the thoughts i have been having, specifically as they relate to my sister in law.
She like me just had her first baby, and all i do is compare myself to her, i don't know why? I can't stand seeing her looking better than me, thinner than me, and as much as i try to suppress these emotions, they seem to stem back up and i don't know why. I try also to be close to her by talking about our babies, arranging a time for us to take our babies on a walk, but as soon as i see her baby dressed nice less or greeted by others more than my baby, or LIKED on Facebook a million times more than my baby, i get a sad feeling ... (maybe its jealousy)... WHAT DO I DO?

I did a lot of reading, and i know it is mainly because i dont think to highly of myself therefore i compare. but thinking or knowing that DOES NOT HHELP ME STOP THE PROBLEM.. SO WHAT DO I DO?????????? She seems comfortable around me, she isn't jealous and goes on her day normally. She is my sister in law after all and I CANNOT avoid her at all, unless i plan on getting a divorce which is NOT something i wish or desire. So what is the solution? She is someone i have to see often,,, and hope to befriend with potentially but for some reason its not clicking, and i think it is really my problem not hers.. .WHAT DO I DO???

HELP

[flowergal]

Hi,

Is there any way you can take a break from being around her? It sounds like you are overwhelmed with her and maybe that is part of your problem.

We are all individuals. We all have talents, gifts, and abilities that others do not. You have things that you are good at and I am sure she does too. What is it about her that makes you feel you are not as good as she is?

I have another friend who is dealing with this EXACT same issue and I told him that he is just as good as his friends, regardless of what he thinks. It is all in his mind. His friends love him, and he is a super great person, probably the same as you.

I don't know you, but you need to stop worrying about what she is doing and start focusing on making yourself happy. If we continually compare what we don't have, what we did not get and what we can't do... we will never grow as people. Hopefully this helps a little! Good luck!

Hi LivyLove - if these feelings begin to overwhelm you and start affecting your ability to function i would seek out a therapist to help you work through the self esteem issues. What is it in particular you are jealous of? Do you think that if you were on a level playing field with your sister in law you would only find other things or other people to be envious of? I think we're conditioned to always want more and never quite feel satisfied. Perhaps every time you find yourself comparing yourself to your SIL you could be mindful of those thoughts and try to turn them into positive statements i.e. my baby isn't dressed as nice - to - my baby is also dressed nice. It may sound obvious but sometimes just reframing the situation can help take the sting out of jealousy and reassure us that we too have good things/qualities that others would be envious of. Im sorry if i haven't been very helpful but maybe a more drastic shift in focus would help - could you do voluntary work or give back to your local community more? I hope these feelings improve for you - all the best.

[Leed]

Hi Livy ! I know it can be hard to perhaps by expensive things for your baby such as clothes -- those cost a fortune!! I remember when my kids were little (and that was a long time ago ) I could afford the pretty things they had for chidren to wear either! But i bought them what I could, and they were always dressed nicely. The most important thing was they were CLEAN!!! They NEVER went anywhere with stains on their clothes, or food all over their mouths. Nowadays I see mothers taking their children looking like street waifs -- all filthy, and dirty. I'd NEVER take my kids anywhere lookiing like that!

So just be grateful your baby has nice/clean things and is HEALTHY and that you love your baby. Having a healthy baby is one of the most IMPORTANT things we can ask for! So many mothers dont have healthy babies, and my heart goes out to them.

I understand how you feel -- I really do. But just continue to be the good mother that you are, and you'll be fine. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[LivyLove]

Thanks for replying to my post!
bb.. i think you post a good question, and i think if i weren't jealsou of my sister in law, there might be someone else? Possibly... hm. i wouldn't say my life is extremely effected by the negative thoughts and emotions i feel towards her but i may get there. I just wonder if there is anyone out there who has overcome a jealousy matter aside from leaving the environment or changing it because in my case, i don't think i could ever escape her and even if i could, it would not solve the root problem....

So what is the root problem? Self esteem? i've always had this come up and worked on it for a long time, maybe now i am a little rusty with my focus and ability to control my thoughts and filter them to be more positive. Why? I don't know...

Hello Leed,
Nice to hear from you and thanks for the post! You are right, the most important thing is for the baby to be healthy and clean! Actually in life... we all know what should be important and what would be secondary like (materialistic matters).. but do we really follow that path??? I'd be the first to admit no... I wish i were a more simple person, and you know what is funny? The POOREST PEOPLE are at times the happier once... (speaking from what i;ve seen). They are more content, YES they are tiered and live a hard life possibly, but HONESTLY... they are happy and content.......... i think i might've went off topic a little... but my goal is really to be able to solve the root of the problem. I had a good therapist once believed that i can change to better, and i just wish i can transform where i wouldn't feel as vulrnable around her as i normally do.. it is just embarrassing ... i don't know what to do.. and what kills me is i sometimes feel like others notice.. DO THEY?? do they notice i am jealous or feel the way i do? its extremely embarrassing and this is mainly one of the reasons why i am SEEKING therapy ASAP... (with a hope to change) ...

thanks for reading!