Ok so I don't know if this was a date or not, but it certainly brought up enough anxiety for one. She is from this group I go to, and basically sent me an invitation via Facebook to come over to her house for a Sunday afternoon. She said there was no pressure, and I thought about it and eventually found myself accepting. That was the easy part, now I had to follow through.

Anyway, I found the place alright, and at first things were pretty laid back. Her son was there initially, and that helped a lot. He's 14 and we had a bit in common. We talked about movies and stuff like that.

Then he left and I got a little nervous. One of the reasons she asked me over was to help with a computer issue, which I did, and I felt comfortable while I was doing that. Then I had to make some conversation, and that went ok, although I think I may have come across as nervous, and awkwardly so.

Anyway, just as I could see an awkward silence on the horizon, I pre-emptively excused myself, to go into her backyard and then i snuck out and left.

I didn't want to give an excuse for leaving the date like you hear most people do, particularly on blind dates, so i just snuck out rather than tell an obvious lie.

Anyway that was my first date, and I'm not even sure it was one.

Thoughts?

[perseverance11]

You were honest and I think you follow your judgement. Personally, I think you did the best you could do.

[sesame]

It's very brave of you to have gone despite your anxiety, but what will you tell her if she asks why you left?

Originally Posted by sesame

It's very brave of you to have gone despite your anxiety, but what will you tell her if she asks why you left?

I don't think I'll see her again. I have already blocked her from my facebook and I will have to avoid that group we both go to.

She knows I have some anxiety issues, but I guess she didn't know how bad my social anxiety can get.

lol/

[Contrast]

Mate, I thought what you did was pretty genius.

I personally wouldn't overly think about the whole situation, but the awkwardness between the both of you next time you see each other would be intense.

Perhaps you should just work on how to keep a nonchalant conversation going and how to maintain it so that it doesn't cause any of your anxious thoughts to flare up.

I personally think you could have excused yourself - she may well be worried over you and blocking her from your facebook etc may only increase that concern. I would at least let her know you're ok and if you could, just be honest about what happened and that you would like to just continue things as before. What if this sort of thing happens again? Will you drop out of another group? Also its unlikely you won't ever see her again, especially if you live in the same area. All im saying is that it might be better to explain now while you have the chance rather than run the risk of it having it sprung on you if you do bump into her again. Just my thoughts.

I think it was brave of you to go with your anxiety issues :-)

However, I think its a real shame that you left in the manner you did. I agree, she could've really worried about you, and also with that, and you blocking her online, she must've taken a real blow and wondered why she was so horrible or what she did wrong for you to have done that to her. It was pretty extreme. You also dont need to lie, or explain yourself for wanting to leave, but it would've been much nicer to have just said you had to go, and goodbye. Harder I know, but its good to treat people with respect when they've done nothing wrong.

Sorry if this isnt what you wanted to hear.

I also dont think it was a date. She probably was extending the hand of friendship, and maybe wondered what would happen in the future had you got on well. Did you like the woman as a friend or a possible future g/f?

[kevinzo]

I also agree that it was a big accomplishment for you to go over to her house and spend some time. You should definitely pat yourself on the back for that and chalk it up as a success! it should give you another reason to believe that you can absolutely do more stuff like that. You succeeded, you didn't die in the process, and the world didn't come to an end. ;-) Yay!

That being said, I would work on my exit strategy. I know that for me, if I left somebody's like that, it would make me even more anxious wondering what she thinks or what would happen if I ever run into her again!

I would probably just send her a little message (maybe facebook) and apologize for taking off without saying goodbye. I know that if somebody took of like that on me I would be like, WTF? So, just send her a little note. No big deal.

The next time that you are out (with anyone) and you feel like you just need to leave. You could always just nonchalantly look at your watch or clock and say something like, "wow, it's already (whatever time o'clock). Time flies when you're having fun. I'm sorry, but I've gotta take off. But it was great seeing you! Maybe we can hang out again sometime soon?"---As you're talking, begin making your way out by grabbing your car keys, jacket, or just standing up moving toward the door.

By doing that, you'll get out pretty fast. To me it's a much more polite way of saying, we're done right now. I really need to go now. Thank you. Good-bye. :-)

Just my two cents, but I don't think you really need to get into a whole lot more than that with someone that you're just starting to meet or get to know. Just take one step at a time. If you begin to build a relationship with someone, say after hanging out a few times, then you can always discuss more personal stuff.

[Scotty204]

Like the others have said, maybe drop her a line and say sorry for ducking out and be honest that you were feeling anxiety at that moment and that it's nothing personal. I know it's awkward to speak up and leave but you disappeared and blocked her so she will think she did something wrong and most likely her feelings were hurt so my advice is to send her a message.

Originally Posted by riotgrrrl

I also dont think it was a date. She probably was extending the hand of friendship, and maybe wondered what would happen in the future had you got on well. Did you like the woman as a friend or a possible future g/f?

Yes I like her a lot, particularly since she's a stable, mature woman. Definitely relationship material.

It felt like a date to me, I get aroused by women showing an interest in me, and that seemed to be happening. When I was tooling around with her computer she kept telling me how impressed she was with my skills, and she also told me I looked good in photos.

Originally Posted by kevinzo

I would probably just send her a little message (maybe facebook) and apologize for taking off without saying goodbye. I know that if somebody took of like that on me I would be like, WTF? So, just send her a little note. No big deal.

I sent her a friend invite on facebook, i hope that clears things up a little and lets her know that I still like her.

The next time that you are out (with anyone) and you feel like you just need to leave. You could always just nonchalantly look at your watch or clock and say something like, "wow, it's already (whatever time o'clock).

The thing was it was nowhere near time for me to leave . . . i ended the date prematurely. That's really the only reason I left like I did, although I wonder if I'd have done anything differently if I was leaving on time. I probably would have said goodbye then, but I don't know for sure, sometimes my anxiety surprises me.

[SidOHara1]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Yes I like her a lot, particularly since she's a stable, mature woman. Definitely relationship material.

It felt like a date to me, I get aroused by women showing an interest in me, and that seemed to be happening. When I was tooling around with her computer she kept telling me how impressed she was with my skills, and she also told me I looked good in photos.

Well... This may be my experience talking, and I could be wrong (I prolly am) but unless there was a major argument between the two of you, it would seem a bit out of the blue to delete and block her... I would be offended if somebody did that to me and didn't explain why... That actually happened to me once... Never saw her again... But maybe try things again with her... Is she is into you, and you are into her, what's the worst that can happen?

Best of luck!
-Sid

[KathyM]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I sent her a friend invite on facebook, i hope that clears things up a little and lets her know that I still like her.

I'm glad you extended the invite. If she pressures you for an answer on why you left so abruptly, you could go ahead and tell her the truth - i.e., she's more than "quickie" material, could possibly be a "keeper." If so, you'd like to take your time and do it right - without any pressure on either one of you to perform outside of your comfort zone.

I hope your friendship will flourish into what the two of you want it to be.

Originally Posted by KathyM

I'm glad you extended the invite. If she pressures you for an answer on why you left so abruptly, you could go ahead and tell her the truth - i.e., she's more than "quickie" material, could possibly be a "keeper." If so, you'd like to take your time and do it right - without any pressure on either one of you to perform outside of your comfort zone.

I hope your friendship will flourish into what the two of you want it to be.

To be honest what this experience has taught me is how completely incapable I am of having even a friendship with a woman at the moment. I was way too anxious to really be myself, and I am embarassed by so much of what happened. I will lick my wounds and try again in another 34 years.

[KathyM]

Okay then, at least you dipped your toe in the water. That takes courage. I'm not so sure about waiting another 34 years to try again though. Who knows what the water will be like then. I'm concerned about your toe - better clear it with him first.....are you absolutely certain it has the patience of a saint?

[lynn P.]

Very good for stepping out of your comfort zone and doing well except for leaving without saying goodbye. Since you left without a goodbye and then blocked her - she'll automatically think its something she did and think you didn't like her. Much better to be honest and say you had an anxiety moment and it had nothing to do with her in a negative way. I think she'll understand. Don't quit the group and explain this to her in person or on facebook.