[Jan1212]

I can't get rid of these thoughts about my parents. They should have never had me. I was raised secluded because my mom had severe anxiety, I wasn't allowed friends even one time she got passive aggressive and had a panic attack banged doors, broke glass in front of my friends on my bday, they never wanted to come over again. She is even that way now, but much better now that I'm a bit more independent and avoiding her. I was hit, belittled, compared to more successful children, I was made to believe I was nothing, was brought down to be submissive, I got left at school a few times she picked up my brother not me, after all that they expect me to be independent. I didn't trust the ones who raised me and so I can't keep relationships I can't trust anyone, I want to. After the tortures, we were fed food and candy because she felt guilty

I watch her play with my baby cousins. I can see that she's in complete joy seeing them, but I tell myself she shouldn't have had me because she likes babies, cus one day we will grow up. SHe shouldn't have us just to make her happy if she wasn't willing to raise us like we were human beings. I felt we were just tools to make the relationship work. I don't want to have children myself because I will never be happy. I regret blaming my sister because of her episode, she is so much better now that she moved away despite her financial problems. Im supposed to move away soon, and then I never want to see her again, she was the one who made my life so much harder, she never cared about me growing up, in fact she made me take lower-level classes throughout grade school because she was never asked to evaluate my education, two teachers recognized I wasn't put in the right place and had me advance classes. Why did she want me to fail?

My intention is to forgive and I've been trying for a long time, I thought I already did. I know they're not perfect. It seems I've been having a hard time understanding her, her vocab is just a few words and broken sentences, right now she just stays home drinking coffee. I am annoyed right now, I feel sorry for her, I don't know, I love them, but I can't seem to forgive

[Leed]

Hi Jan ~ I had a really rotten childhood too. All us 4 girls were completely ignored. We got NO affection at all -- no hugs or kisses, no help with homework, absolutely nothing! We might as well have been a piece of furniture -- at least we would have been dusted once in awhile. I was angry for years at my parents. It really affected me big time.

But then I finally realized something. My parents gave ME what THEY were given. Their parents brought THEM up the same way they brought ME up, so my parents didn't get any affection either. They didn't know how to parent any differently other than the way they were brought up. They couldn't give me something they didn't have! So how could I blame them? It wasn't their fault! Perhaps it's the same with your parents.

So I was determined to treat my children differently than the way I was brought up. I lavished love and attention on my kids. They KNEW how much I loved them, and didn't have to wonder!!! I still tell them every day that I love them -- and they know it. So I broke the cycle of emotional abuse. Hopefully there will be no more of that in my family!

I hope this helps. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Am so so sorry that you've had such a rotten upbringing. I do think your right, some people should just not have children, but alas, it keeps happening.

Can I say one thing tho? Please try not to let your past define your future. Please dont measure all future people you meet against your mum - I know its not easy, but not many, thankfully, treat people like your mum has.

You're a survivor of mental and physical abuse, and please take some comfort in how much of an amazing person that makes you, to be so strong and still talk about forgiving your mum. Try and lead your own life now, and do it your way. Do everything to make your life happy, and try not to be dragged down, emotionally blackmailed or anything by your parents. Only keep in touch if you want to on your terms. Look after yourself, you deserve so much more.

Take good care x

[perseverance11]

Hello Jan1212,

So, you were abuse by your parents when you were young and you think this will make your life more difficult?

I think that you should create some good relationships in your life even if you have fear of that, because anyone has the right to have friends and to have someone who you can talk to and confide in him.

I understand that your parents drain your confidence in relationships, but trust yourself, it is not because you had been abused in the past that you can't make some good relationships in your life.

I hope that helps and I wish you the best!
Take care!

[Jan1212]

Thanks guys I needed that reminder; I have so many reasons to forgive but this feeling of anger keeps coming back - I will need reassurance for a long time I guess this will be my life for years to come. My mistake is finding blame on others so I can be angry with them with what they've done wrong. When that doesn't matter anymore, I can change my life, I don't need to waste time and energy getting angry, looking for unanswered questions and justifications. I need to work on my own life. My life is busy already, and it has gotten so much better than years ago

[perseverance11]

Originally Posted by Jan1212

Thanks guys I needed that reminder; I have so many reasons to forgive but this feeling of anger keeps coming back - I will need reassurance for a long time I guess this will be my life for years to come. My mistake is finding blame on others so I can be angry with them with what they've done wrong. When that doesn't matter anymore, I can change my life, I don't need to waste time and energy getting angry, looking for unanswered questions and justifications. I need to work on my own life. My life is busy already, and it has gotten so much better than years ago

Why anger keeps coming back?
You have a good attitude!

Originally Posted by Jan1212

Thanks guys I needed that reminder; I have so many reasons to forgive but this feeling of anger keeps coming back - I will need reassurance for a long time I guess this will be my life for years to come. My mistake is finding blame on others so I can be angry with them with what they've done wrong. When that doesn't matter anymore, I can change my life, I don't need to waste time and energy getting angry, looking for unanswered questions and justifications. I need to work on my own life. My life is busy already, and it has gotten so much better than years ago

I think this attitude is admirable - you are not your parents and neither can you change what has already happened. Yes you are allowed to feel hurt and angry and whatever else it is you feel but you are also entitled to your own life outside of these people - one where you get to make the rules. You're not under their control anymore - they didn't succeed in breaking you, surely thats testament to your strength? You can and will move on from them because thats in your nature - you've come so far so whats to say you won't go further? Kudos to you.