[siobhan_ontario]

My mother has been verbally abusive to my husband almost his entire life. He accidentally pocket called me during one of her explosions where she cursed, belittled, screamed and insulted him. My 4 yr old step daughter was present for that attack. About a month later, my MIL had another öutburst towards her mother in law. This time in front of me and my step daughter.

My husband was so embarrassed and decided to distance himself from his mother. He explained to her- if she cannot control herself- language and temper, we will not have a relationship.

My MIL sent me an email threatening legal action to which we ignored.

So she has gone to my husbands ex. She threatened her with legal action and she gave in. My MIL has been divulging personal details of our lives and using the ex to see her grand daughter. She has even lied to the ex saying the reason we are not speaking is because I have been having outbursts. Which is completely untrue.

I would love to ignore my MIL but she is causing problems for our relationship with my stepdaughters mother.

I feel the need to protect my husband, but how, from his own mother?

Please help!

[IceCreamKid]

Your mother in law sounds unwell. If she has been acting this way since your husband's youth, his first wife surely knows about it. If he or the two of you are able to speak with his ex-wife (not sure how your relationship is with her) you might try to come to a course of action that has the least impact on the child. I agree that your ex-husband should minimize contact with his mother, but on the other hand you do not want her going to court and fooling anyone into allowing her to take the girl for unsupervised visits. If possible you and your husband and his ex-wife should all sit down with MIL and tell her the abusive behavior is to stop; until you all are sure that she is able to control herself, she will be able to see the child only in your presence (or ex-wive's) and if and when she acts up, the visit will be immediately terminated, by calling the police if necessary.

Of course, you mother in law needs to see a doctor. I imagine that has been suggested to her. It would be the compassionate thing to do for your husband to suggest it to her again, and offer to drive her to the doctor. She'll likely refuse. You might also have your husband call your local social services office, explain the situation and see what they suggest.

[missbelle]

Your husband has to make the choice and commitment to not be involved with his mom. Until he does that completely, and with no exception this ranting and threatening will continue. He can call the police as well, or get a restraining order. Its totally up to him though, and he needs to step forward and do it. Its hard I would imagine as its his mom but he needs to protect the ones he loves which is his family!

[siobhan_ontario]

Thanks for your replies!

We have spoken to the ex. She is well aware of my MIL behavior. It seems spiteful that she continues allow my step daughter to spend time with her.

2 weeks ago, I was my MIL's target. I am the devil, the worst thing her son did was marry me, I am a piece of s**t , she called me Ms. Education repeatedly (like it is a bad thing) etc etc. This was said at the lunch table with my step daughter sitting on my MILs lap. My husband told his mother that is completely untrue and she disgusts him and we left. My husband has cut off all contact with his mother. We used to attend a weekly family lunch at his Grandmothers home. But have made alternate arrangements to see the rest of the family without incident.

It hurts me because I have tried to be kind and respectful to my MIL because she is my husbands mother. Despite my own feelings towards her. I have been upset since, because I don't know what I have done to her. My husband and I have only been married since April and are very happy. We bought a home and our life together is amazing.

It hurts me that my father in law sits by with out defending his son or me. Or protecting his granddaughter! The family all allows my mother in law to behave this way without consequence.

I have a loving supportive family, they would never sit by....

Any advice?