My mom..has a smart mouth

AngerTakingOver · Oct 17, 2012 at 12:19 AM

I don't think she should b talki to me the way she does. A lot of times, she does it when she's on the phone with her mother who lives overseas and she wants to..i don't know..show off? For some reason, parents like to embarass their kids I guess because they're are easy target. My mom generally is a smart mouth anyways and I don't think she should be that way with her own kids, she's just not very motherly at all. She taunts, teases, never compliments, never sides with me, never tells me I did a good job, thinks I'm a flirt or a slut or both. She's told my dad she knows I'm a really good kid but what she doesn't understand is that she frustrates me because she doesn't talk to me like I'm 22. She talks to me like an enemy girlfriend and my dad sees it too, my brother and bf see it and hate it. I just don't know what her problem is. Are all moms like this? Do all kids find comfort in talking to their mom because I don't. If I have a proble, she turns it around on me, blames and taunts me about it too.

Oct 17, 2012 at 04:45 AM

It sounds as though she has a lot of insecurities. She has no right to treat you this way at your age. Its not smart to taunt or embarass someone - i would say plainly that she doesn't have to like or agree with what you do but she could at least have some more respect. Not all mums are like this but i know a lot of people who have difficulties with their mothers - its hardly uncommon. Be as civil as you can - if she starts acting up, disengage as best you can; leave the room, change the conversation, refuse to fall into arguments. In short be the bigger person, we can't change our family but if they know you won't put up with nonsense their more likely to stop dishing it out. I hope this situation improves for you.

Ft1980 · Oct 17, 2012 at 07:38 AM

bossy moms come from even bossier moms. truth be told you will likely be the same. I can say because I know it's the truth.

Sierrarose · Oct 17, 2012 at 08:56 AM

I found people usually treat others like they have been treated. I suspect your mom is unaware of how what she says effects you. If you’re up for it, why not shock the hell out of her by telling her you know what she’s saying, you understand, and you know she loves you and you love her too.

Sometimes we just have to take the high road and rise above it all for the sake of some peace.

If you find that too much to ask then simply let it go in one ear and out the other.

I grew up with a very verbally abusive mom.

Leed · Oct 17, 2012 at 09:02 AM

Is there any way you can ask her to sit down and just TELL her how you feel? Can you tell her that her constant "put downs" and criticisms and smart answers are hurting you? Sometimes having a serious conversation with our parents makes them see what they're doing. She might not see you as the mature 22 yr old that you are. She may be used to treatiing you as the young person that you WERE -- and of course she should NEVER have treated you that way, but she got into the habit of it. It's time to get her OUT of that habit!

I don't know what you think about talking to her, but I would sure TRY. She might get mad, or smart mouthed again, but at least I could say I tried.

I wish you the very best! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

AngerTakingOver · Oct 17, 2012 at 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leed

Is there any way you can ask her to sit down and just TELL her how you feel? Can you tell her that her constant "put downs" and criticisms and smart answers are hurting you? Sometimes having a serious conversation with our parents makes them see what they're doing. She might not see you as the mature 22 yr old that you are. She may be used to treatiing you as the young person that you WERE -- and of course she should NEVER have treated you that way, but she got into the habit of it. It's time to get her OUT of that habit!

I don't know what you think about talking to her, but I would sure TRY. She might get mad, or smart mouthed again, but at least I could say I tried.

I wish you the very best! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Lee,

Thank you so much for your advice. Actually this weekend I completely exploded and busted into tears telling her she treats me like I'm the worst kid ever and I've done nothing to deserve that, and locked myself in my room. She demanded I open the door because she wanted to talk. She came in and gave me a big hug and cried with me asking me who ever said I was the worst kid and that she knows I'm not. She just gets mad because she's a mom but she doesn't really mean it in a bad way. As a mother, she just wants to have that power. S it was quite emotional and she was extremely loving that day which made me feel a lot of comfort in my heart. However, 2 days later, it seems like its all going back to where it was. Ill have to give it another shot without crying and tell her that there are things she says that are very hurtful. Thanks so much, Lee.

AngerTakingOver · Oct 17, 2012 at 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bb2023

It sounds as though she has a lot of insecurities. She has no right to treat you this way at your age. Its not smart to taunt or embarass someone - i would say plainly that she doesn't have to like or agree with what you do but she could at least have some more respect. Not all mums are like this but i know a lot of people who have difficulties with their mothers - its hardly uncommon. Be as civil as you can - if she starts acting up, disengage as best you can; leave the room, change the conversation, refuse to fall into arguments. In short be the bigger person, we can't change our family but if they know you won't put up with nonsense their more likely to stop dishing it out. I hope this situation improves for you.

I definitely thought the same about how she may have some insecurities. My dad is definitely the opposite of her and the things she does, says, and doesn't let me do as a 22 years old makes me feel that there definitely is something else in her mind. It's very hard to ignore it and just let things pass but ill have to do what I can to, like you said, refuse to fall into arguments because I work with her 4 days a week, and spend 3 with her outside of work. Basically, I'm stuck to her by the hip each and every single day which causes a clash much of the time. Falling into an argument only makes it awkward for the next week or so that she refuses to speak to me =(
Do moms have that big of an ego?

AngerTakingOver · Oct 17, 2012 at 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sierrarose

I found people usually treat others like they have been treated. I suspect your mom is unaware of how what she says effects you. If you’re up for it, why not shock the hell out of her by telling her you know what she’s saying, you understand, and you know she loves you and you love her too.

Sometimes we just have to take the high road and rise above it all for the sake of some peace.

If you find that too much to ask then simply let it go in one ear and out the other.

I grew up with a very verbally abusive mom.

I think you're right. She does tell me that her parents used to do the same thing, be the same way, etc. but someday I'll appreciate it, which I'm sure I will but there's a difference in the time she grew up in and our time now. Is much has changed but her thinking hasn't and that's where the problem is.
Maybe I will try shocking the heck out of her =P we'll see what that does

AngerTakingOver · Oct 17, 2012 at 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ft1980

bossy moms come from even bossier moms. truth be told you will likely be the same. I can say because I know it's the truth.

My dad, brother and boyfriend told me the same thing. Chances are I will be the same way. I hate that. I really pray to God everyday that I'm not like that because I know what it does to me emotionally and I'd hate to do that to my kids. I really hope and wish I'm nothing like her in that matter.

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My mom..has a smart mouth

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Ft1980 Member Member Since Oct 2008 Location: Black Alps Posts: 124 16 12 hugs given	Oct 17, 2012 at 07:38 AM #3 bossy moms come from even bossier moms. truth be told you will likely be the same. I can say because I know it's the truth.
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