[Zen888]

Hello Everyone

I am a Type B personality and my close friend is a total Type A personality. This person is a perfectionist and difficult to get along w/ when they have PMS.

Suggestions? Comments?

Dubz

[LMo]

Well, you haven't really given enough information to be able to address this. Any answer you get based on that question is going to be way too stereotypical, and consequently not very useful.

Why don't you describe some of the conflicts or dynamics between you and your friend, and leave the labels out for the time being?

[Christina86]

Hi Dubz

I've got a friend who has a Type A personality (I've also got what can be characterized as a Type B personality as well).

There's really not much you can do, in all reality. Type A's have problems slowing down, or problems when they constantly take things too seriously.

I came to the realization that to get along with her, I had to be a bit more like her. (Since asking her to change was/is out of the question, one word: Snarky). So I became a better student, and took charge a bit more and tried to force her to talk a bit more about herself and did activities she enjoyed. (Social ones, not schoolwork or job/task work)

Basically, she realized I'd stick around even if she was a pain to deal with when she got really uptight about things (which happens a lot), and she tried to become a little less perfectionistic.

Sorry, I rambled a bit. Hope this helps, PM me if you want to chat.

[Zen888]

Hi LMo

This person is hyper sensitive to any comments or advice they recieve and when they have PMS it is on over drive.

Sometimes I will say things not intending to be mean or disrespectful and they will go off the deep end. So I am constantly trying to watch the tone and the manner in which I say things to this person to avoid conflict.

Dubz

[LMo]

well, I guess that's my point. I'm "type A" (although I think it's a really outdated personality gauge), but I'm anything BUT hypersensitive. However, I am really driven and have problems slowing down, as Canders mentioned.

My husband, on the other hand, is type B, but definitely hypersensitive.

But back to your friend... I know what you mean about feeling like you have to walk on eggshells, and how exhausting it is. My best advice is to STOP DOING IT. You will wear yourself out. If your friend gets POed at you or you find yourself apologizing way more than you think you should in a friendship, it may be a sign that she's not the kind of friend you really want.

Life is too short to invest too much time in people that are difficult to get along with.

[Zen888]

Hey LMo

Thank-you!

As you are a Type A and female ....How would you suggest I handle this person that is very critical and it goes into over drive during PMS...She is a very nice person aside from this personality/communication clash.

Dubz

[LMo]

yeah, but I don't go into overdrive and am not critical during PMS... so I'm not sure I have good advice for you there. But, my advice about dealing with someone who is consistently (during PMS) critical and difficult is to think long and hard about whether the friendship is worth the maintenance. Your first responsibility is to be true to yourself -- and that means not walking on eggshells.

If you don't want to say sayonara to her altogether, then what about telling her that there are times when she's difficult and that hopefully she'll understand that you don't want to spend time with her when she's in that kind of mood.

Or, you could give her the feedback that you find her unpleasant to be around once a month. Maybe she'll thank you for it. You could offer to be her check-in friend, so that if she's not sure if her mood has changed, you could let her know so that she either works to overcome it, or else avoids people until her mood passes. You'd be doing her a favor, IMO.

[Edgewood]

Maybe just avoid her on the tough days?

[hillbunnyb]

Avoidance is good short term, but, a friendship wherein each is able to be emotionally honest (of course NOT when she's PMSing) about this kinda stuff is my goal. Plan during the good days for the bad days. Set up code phrases to bring up when she's going down. "Honey Baby Sweetie Pie, it's time for my monthly time out. Have a lovely period. Call me when it's over" type triip. You both get to be on the same page and claim membership in a mature friendship. Nothing to sneeze at, eh? Takes 2 to tango. Good Luck.

[Zen888]

How do I assert myself with a strong willed opinated intelligent Type A person? (I being the Type B in the friendship)

Dubz

P.s. Yorkieman give Coffee a kiss and a hug please!

[Edgewood]

Smooch! "Arf!"

Sounds like you need to define your limits with her. Is there a behavior that you just cannot tolerate? You won't be able to change her personality, but I think the first step would be to have "the conversation." Here, you communicate exactly what it is that you want to change.

It is never fun to be assertive (take it from another type B). I've always viewed giving negative feedback as equivalent to ripping off a Band-Aid.

If she balks, or tries to invalidate your issues, then you need to be prepared for a little down time in the friendship. Sometimes type A's will try to bulldoze through whatever you say.

[Zen888]

Exactly!

You described my friend to a T! The problem that is standing in the way from me say the H with her is...she is a genuinely nice person ... and I am close w/ her family.

How do you assert yourself with someone that has a legitimate intelligent come back to everything you say?

Dubz

[Edgewood]

Well, I don't know that my advice is the best; but, you should put it on a personal level. In other words, you should circumvent the clever come-back with an appeal toward the quality of your friendship. Communicate your intent to "move on in the friendship."