[clairebear2k6]

i hate you, i loath you, you let me down, you rejected our son, you have no idea how stupid you are in your rigid bloody thought processes, you are always perfect and everyone else is at fault, i don't want to break up our family but for the sake of our children should i? because i don't want them growing up with you, you're unattractive to me now, did i say i hate you and loathe you, you think being a breadwinnner is all you have to do, you come from a long line of male ***** who cheat on their wives, and you're just the same. HOW DARE YOU

[Big Mama]

AMEN, Are you talking about my H. He's not a cheater but everything else you mentioned. I Hate him. He took all I had to offer and threw it away. I tried to be who he wanted and he didn't appriciate that either. Now I'm a shell of a person who doesn't know who I am except a mistake, a failure, a disgrace in his eyes.

You are not alone. That's all I can say to this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I feel for you both. Although I am a separated husband (waiting for the day we're allowed to divorce) I understand all too well a lot of the things you're saying. I can't prove she cheated on me, but I'm almost positive she did, what with all the male "friends" she would hang out with instead of me. The fact she was dating almost instantly after she kicked me out spoke volumes to me about that. I was, for the most part, the breadwinner, so I can't relate to everything you said there but I will say this. What's the point of being the breadwinner when you don't even make an effort to win your wife? Or take care of her?

I do understand the idea "things I will never tell him". I did a lot of that for 13 years. I gave up a lot of myself, for her or to avoid her anger, falling short of her expectations or so many other reasons, yet in the end she was still not happy with a faithful husband that was always there and took care of the family in more ways than just financially. :/ I just wouldn't party or be wild with her. Now she has the party life, a boyfriend (3rd one since separation) and well, I have the kids (100% of the time currently).

Sorry I went off on that but your rant started a fire.

*hugs to both of you* I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of that.

[Big Mama]

May I please borrow part of your post's space for my own rant. I take that as a yes. I promise to give it back. You have stirred a frustration and braveness in me that I often wish to let out but am afraid to.

Dear Hubby, I HATE YOU. YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE CRAP. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME INSTEAD YOU YELL AND SCREAM AT ME. I AM AFRAID OF YOU. YOU CARE ABOUT NO ONE BUT YOUR SELF. OUR KIDS ARE A BURDEN, I'M A BURDEN. YOU ONLY WANT ME TO HAVE SEX WITH FROM TIME TO TIME. YOU MEED ME TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE DIVORCED. HOW WOULD PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU THEN. IT'S EASY TO KEEP ME IN THIS HOUSE TO CLEAN UP AND BE YOUR SLAVE. I AM JUST A WORTHLESS PIECE OF S*** IN YOUR EYES. YOU CALL ME NAMES, TREAT ME LIKE I'M STUPID, YOU BE LITTLE ME IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS,YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE TO STAY AT HOME. IT'S TO HARD TO CATER TO YOU WHEN WE ARE AWAY FROM HOME. YOU KEEP ME PRISONER. I CAN'T USE THE PHONE WHEN YOUR HERE, I CAN'T USE THE COMPUTER WHEN YOUR HERE, I CAN'T WATCH T.V. EITHER THE SHOWS I LIKE ARE AS DUMB AS I AM, OR I'M LAZY FOR SETTING DOWN FOR A MIN. EVEN WORSE, I'M BAD BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER WATCH T.V. THEN BE WITH YOU FROM TIME TO TIME. YOU HAVE MADE ME OUT TO BE A HORRIBLE PERSON WHEN REALLY I'M NOT. I'M JUST STRUGGLING TO FORCE MYSELF TO STAY HERE W/ YOU.

Thank you so much for letting me invade your space. I feel like crap but I feel a little better now, I think.

Clairbare I feel for you and your situation. I hope you find piece soon how ever that may be.

[clairebear2k6]

people like to say - don't have expectations and then you won't be let down
but come on, you have to have expectations, right?
if you have no expectations, then anything anyone says or does to you is acceptable
clearly, that is not the case. there are many unacceptable things.
in my view it is essential to have realistic expectations - not too high, not too low. lilke baby bear's frikkin porridge and bed and chair - it has to be 'just right'.
but when you first start out with someone you don't know who they are completely. you never know that till you have really lived life's experiences with them and things are so unpredictable that you could plan for things to happen only for none of them to happen and instead, a whole bunch of other things to happen that you never planned for.
so there you are on your road with someone who you don't know completely and you have to guess what kind of expectations are 'just right' to have of this person.
and what do you know? guesses are pretty inaccurate, so sooner or later, the other person doesn't meet your approximated expectations and then what do you do? you say oh well, it was only a guess. i guess i guessed wrong.
all relationships are subject to the same.
the only thing you can hope for is that you both have enough flexibility to try and change things your partner can't accept, and that you basically want to keep trying to make it work.
unfortunately this does not cater for life's true b******s who don't care and aren't flexible or self aware enough to even dream about change let alone make it.
it's all a bit of a clusterf**k if you ask me. life is one big clusterf**k and we are all strapped in for the ride.

sorry you guys are having crap times too. thanks for replying i feel less alone. good luck on the ride to all of you x

[Big Mama]

Good morning,

LIFE'S ONE BIG CLUSTER***K AND WE ARE ALL STRAPPED IN FOR THE RIDE.

How true. I feel the very same way you do. It still sucks but it is nice to know your not alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We all have each other here at PC. Think God for that.

(Thank you Lord for my PC friends)