[ballicomet]

Hi all! I'm new to the forum, and I know that someone can't be diagnosed without professional psychological help. I just needed to open up and reach out to someone for advice/feedback because I'm really worried.

There's this guy I've known for a little over a year. He found me through Facebook, we messaged a couple of times (we had mutual friends), and eventually he asked me out. He came on pretty strongly, and I was worried about clingy-ness issues, but he seemed like a nice person. After a few dates (and a pretty intense make-out session), I told him that maybe we should get to know each other more and take things slowly. He ignored me for about a month. Repeated texts from me received no response at all.

Then, out of nowhere, he texts me again, asking for another chance, saying that he doesn't just want to be friends, that he wanted something serious. I asked him about the silent treatment he gave me, and he said that he thought it was weird that I was unexperienced (sexually) when he was so experienced. I gave him a second chance, and after about two months, I was spending time at his place (no sex, however--just making out), but he kept on putting off making the relationship official (when he was so eager to be in one before). Eventually, through texts, it become impossible to get him to talk about anything besides sex, even when I changed the subject. He's just ignore it and go back to asking me things like, "Would you let me ______" or "Would you do _____"--all sexual. In person, he never talked like that. So I wrote him a message about my feelings toward him, and he said we should spend some time apart.

I've lost track of how many times he's given me the silent treatment since I've known him. They would last anywhere from a week to a little more than a month.

Online, he's been friends with a whole bunch of girls (who would comment on his wall/photos) who aren't his friends anymore. He's still constantly unfriending girls and friending new ones. I know that he's met with some of them.

During the last month, we've started hanging out again, coming close to going all the way (i.e. sex) a couple of times, but he said he'd take it slow, we'd have time, he wouldn't stop talking to me, etc.

He doesn't have a high opinion about almost any of his friends (or their significant others) and more than once has told me that some of his female friends stopped talking to him because they found boyfriends who he felt they were too good for.

He also seems to have no trouble just cutting people out of his life, doing it to both friends and immediate family members.

He keeps a stock of weapons (guns, swords, bows) in different spots in his bedroom and sometimes even sleeps with a gun cocked under his pillow at nights.

He doesn't talk about girls--and most people in general--with respect, but he has impeccable manners (holding the door, walking me to my car, making sure I'm comfortable).

He's constantly horny, and sometimes, he's moaning but has no expression on his face at all. It's just emotionless, like he's going through the motions when he's the one who initiated in the first place. It obviously feels good for him, but I can't see anything on his face.

Since last week, he's been ignoring me, texts, and calls. I stopped by his place today, and he would not answer the door or anything, even though he was clearly home. I do have to say we had been making plans to go to the movies, and I asked him when he would be free. He always has his phone on him and will usually return texts within minutes, but after no response for half a day, I texted him again. No response, so I called him, which he ignored. After I texted him two more times, he snapped at me and texted that he was busy. Nothing from him since then.

I do really care about him, and this has gotten to the point where I'm really worried about him, as well. Does this sound like someone who could have a psychological disorder? Does anyone have tips on how I can deal with this? I'm planning on trying to see him again in three days, but I don't have a lot of hope. I have a feeling he'll see me, turn right around, and run.

We are both in our late twenties, if that helps.

[Leed]

He sounds kind of creepy to me, I'm sorry to say. He talks badly about most people. He gives you the "silent" treatment every time you turn around, he talks about sex all the time, he cuts people out of his life includiing his family, he has a stock of weapons at home, his face is emotionless most of the time, --- I mean, this guy sounds creepy!!!

I don't know what to tell you. Yes, I think he has issues, but what they are I couldn't say. I think *I* would be afraid to tell him he needs to see a therapist for fear he'd blow up or come hunting me down with one of those weapons of his! This guy might be ready to blow!

Just my opinion, but I wouldn't plan on a long term relationship with him. He seems too unsteady to me. God bless and take care. Hugs Lee

[Trippin2.0]

He could just be cold and rude... Dont need a diagnosis for terrible character...

[ballicomet]

Originally Posted by Leed

He sounds kind of creepy to me, I'm sorry to say. He talks badly about most people. He gives you the "silent" treatment every time you turn around, he talks about sex all the time, he cuts people out of his life includiing his family, he has a stock of weapons at home, his face is emotionless most of the time, --- I mean, this guy sounds creepy!!!

I don't know what to tell you. Yes, I think he has issues, but what they are I couldn't say. I think *I* would be afraid to tell him he needs to see a therapist for fear he'd blow up or come hunting me down with one of those weapons of his! This guy might be ready to blow!

Just my opinion, but I wouldn't plan on a long term relationship with him. He seems too unsteady to me. God bless and take care. Hugs Lee

Hugs back, Lee(d?)!

Thanks for the insight from both of you guys. I'm starting to think there must be something wrong with me because I just can't seem to get over him, even though it's what I should do.

Our dates were just so perfect, and he told me he really liked me...a week before he started ignoring me the second time around. I can chalk it up to commitment issues, etc., but the real question is why I still care about him, isn't it? And I really don't know why. Maybe it's because when things were good between us, he was better and sweeter than any other guy I've ever dated. DARN!

[Chrome Dome]

He sounds like a playa to me. My advice would be to try and forget about him. I know its hard, but he sounds unstable and possibly dangerous...

[shezbut]

ballicomet,

I wouldn't get into trying to diagnose, in order to understand him.

Your description of events sound very immature and dangerous to me. It sounds as though he really doesn't give a hoot about you. He simply keeps you around for lonely or boring times in his life. You deserve better treatment and some respect! I'd recommend cutting him out of your life completely - don't give him the friends possibility. He doesn't deserve it!!

Gentle hugs to you.

[ballicomet]

Thanks for the replies! It's wonderful to be able to talk to people about it.

I still don't understand why any human being would treat another this way.

We do have some sort of connection with each other that I haven't had with any other guy I've dated, and he's really sweet and caring when we get together. It's hard to think that everything was just an act, and a part of me doesn't believe it even now! When he said he wanted a relationship with me before, I'm starting to think he was just doing everything he could to get me into bed. I even called him out on it, but he denied that that was his motive.

Do men like this ever change? He's almost 30.

[hamster-bamster]

"sometimes even sleeps with a gun cocked under his pillow at nights. "

I would not want to share a bed with him. I'd be scared of an accident. Plus, it is creepy. That thing alone would mean end of story to me instantly upon finding out about this particular "feature". Thanks but no thanks... good table manners notwithstanding.