[NinaNina]

My boyfriend gets me so frusterated. Whenever he goes anywhere, he's ALWAYS longer than he said he would be. If he says he'll be gone fifteen minutes, it's an hour or an hour and a half. If he says he'll be an hour, its three hours. It's not that I don't know where he is or what he's doing, its just so frusterating that he is never gone the amount of time he says he will be, and it turns into a trust thing.

Sometimes I need to make plans around when he comes back, and it just feels like I always end up waiting around because he can never be gone just the amount of time he has verbally committed to.

I've tried talking to him and just explaining that its frusterating when I'm trying to make plans, and if something comes up can he just let me know he's going to be longer, but of course he never does.

UUUUUGGGH. Sorry just needed to rant.

[Leed]

If it's a matter your trying to plan something like dinner, then he's being totally disrespectful of you. Or if you two have plans on going somewhere together and he's out somewhere else, commiserating with his buddies, then that TOO is very disrespectful. What's the matter with him? Does he always treat you like this? Doesn't he respect you at all? He COULD have the common decency to tell you he's going to be late -- but I don't see any excuse for being late if he's just "chatting" with his buddies. He can do that ANY time. So what ELSE is he doing? And I'm NOT suggesting that he's cheating. I'm just saying that his buddies can wait! YOU are more important than THEY are.

I'd be furious too. If his "buddies" are that important, why doesn't hie move in with them? (if that's where he is).

I'm on your side. You can't plan anything if he's not there. Why not just GO without him? THEN see what he says!!! Hugs, Lee

[NinaNina]

Thanks Lee! Those are my thoughts exactly! Its very direspectful, yes he's like this often.

The thing that really gets me too, is that he is almost ALWAYS with one of his friends that he works with. So he sees this guy all day every day at work, to and from work because they drive in together...how is it so important to then spend MORE time with him after work, when I've been waiting for him to get home from work in the first place! And it honestly is just him sitting there chatting. Like he didn't get a chance to talk to him ALL DAY.

I have dealt with the consistent late person. I know how aggravating it can be and it is indeed disrespectful especially when you're makign plans and he doesnt' really have a real excuse. The thing is, if he's just chatting with friends and it's not some important event that has caused him to be late, essentially he's blowing you off for some other entertainment such as friends.

The only suggestion I can make is going to be hard for you but just might work. Just a thought. I would guess he's taken for granted the fact that you're a planner. Sounds like you like to make plans ahead of time for things. Well don't. Resist the urge. When you would normally plan to make dinner, don't. Just feed yourself as if he isn't going to be there. When he comes in finally and complains that you didn't plan, do whatever he takes for granted that you'll do, let him know gently that he's too unreliable to make plans for, so you're not going to until he becomes more reliable. you should not have to deal with his tardiness and the stress that goes tih it.

Hope this helps.

[NinaNina]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I have dealt with the consistent late person. I know how aggravating it can be and it is indeed disrespectful especially when you're makign plans and he doesnt' really have a real excuse. The thing is, if he's just chatting with friends and it's not some important event that has caused him to be late, essentially he's blowing you off for some other entertainment such as friends.

The only suggestion I can make is going to be hard for you but just might work. Just a thought. I would guess he's taken for granted the fact that you're a planner. Sounds like you like to make plans ahead of time for things. Well don't. Resist the urge. When you would normally plan to make dinner, don't. Just feed yourself as if he isn't going to be there. When he comes in finally and complains that you didn't plan, do whatever he takes for granted that you'll do, let him know gently that he's too unreliable to make plans for, so you're not going to until he becomes more reliable. you should not have to deal with his tardiness and the stress that goes tih it.

Hope this helps.

Thank you for your reply! That is actually an excellent idea, which I'm definitely going to try. Thanks!

I agree. Esp if it is a pattern. You have expressed your feelings and wishes and he cant seem to get onboard, plan your stuff and keep to your schedule. If he misses a great dinner or a fun activity because he is mia, s**** to be him. And when/if he complains just remind him with love that you two had plans but he wasnt there so you went ahead without him. Hopefully he will come around
best wishes to you

[lido78]

You need to decide how important this is to you because it will likely not change. An ex-boyfriend of mine was like this, and it was the thing that eventually broke us up. He was consistently late and/or called to cancel plans AFTER the time he was scheduled to show up for things. One evening I had plans to go to a movie with a friend, and he called to borrow my car. I told him, "I have plans for a movie, you need to be here no later than 7:45 at the latest. I don't want to be late on someone else's time because of you." At 7:45 with no call from him, I left my house to meet my friend. He called me 10 minutes later to say he was running late (that would be 10 minutes after he was supposed to show up). For the first time in a year, I didn't budge. So, he broke up with me the next day because I'd put him in a bind by leaving him without a car. You know what...we're actually still friends today but and I'm happy the relationship didn't work out. 12 years later, and he's still doing the same kinds of things (and other really annoying stuff) to his current girlfriend. Just glad it's not me.

Originally Posted by NinaNina

Thank you for your reply! That is actually an excellent idea, which I'm definitely going to try. Thanks!

You're very welcome. Hope it helps!

Originally Posted by lido78

You need to decide how important this is to you because it will likely not change. An ex-boyfriend of mine was like this, and it was the thing that eventually broke us up. He was consistently late and/or called to cancel plans AFTER the time he was scheduled to show up for things. One evening I had plans to go to a movie with a friend, and he called to borrow my car. I told him, "I have plans for a movie, you need to be here no later than 7:45 at the latest. I don't want to be late on someone else's time because of you." At 7:45 with no call from him, I left my house to meet my friend. He called me 10 minutes later to say he was running late (that would be 10 minutes after he was supposed to show up). For the first time in a year, I didn't budge. So, he broke up with me the next day because I'd put him in a bind by leaving him without a car. You know what...we're actually still friends today but and I'm happy the relationship didn't work out. 12 years later, and he's still doing the same kinds of things (and other really annoying stuff) to his current girlfriend. Just glad it's not me.

I think in some cases it can change. But I agree if he continues, after some time she should re-assess because it may not be something he thinks he has a problem with and it could go on indefinitely. I just dont' want her to write him off prematurely...

[sesame]

Originally Posted by lido78

You need to decide how important this is to you because it will likely not change. An ex-boyfriend of mine was like this, and it was the thing that eventually broke us up. He was consistently late and/or called to cancel plans AFTER the time he was scheduled to show up for things. One evening I had plans to go to a movie with a friend, and he called to borrow my car. I told him, "I have plans for a movie, you need to be here no later than 7:45 at the latest. I don't want to be late on someone else's time because of you." At 7:45 with no call from him, I left my house to meet my friend. He called me 10 minutes later to say he was running late (that would be 10 minutes after he was supposed to show up). For the first time in a year, I didn't budge. So, he broke up with me the next day because I'd put him in a bind by leaving him without a car. You know what...we're actually still friends today but and I'm happy the relationship didn't work out. 12 years later, and he's still doing the same kinds of things (and other really annoying stuff) to his current girlfriend. Just glad it's not me.

I'm one of these people. It drives other people crazy.

It doesn't change. It doesn't matter if it's something I'm really looking forward to going to, I usually end up habitually late anyway. I'm never even doing anything serious beforehand that makes me so late. Sounds lame, but it just kinda happens. Taking too much time on the little things.

[Trippin2.0]

He does it simply bcoz he can... Yes its disrespectful, I agree, you talk about it, maybe even argue right? but you wait around for him anyway... so he knows you'll be there when he gets back, whenever that may be... Stop waiting and go do whatever it was you were planning on, dont schedule your life around a man who doesnt care for your schedule. Oh, btw, my 1 ex was much like your bf... Once he noticed that I had stopped waiting around to accommodate him, he was MUCH more bothered about the time...

[Miswimmy1]

I'm only 15 but I know many men who are like this... Lol. Could it be he has an issue of his own? Add maybe?

[NinaNina]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I am going to start sticking to my own schedule, whether he is there or not, and see if that helps any.

No I do not think it is an issue of his own. He just makes me feel like I am his last priority when he is like this. He is not someone who is always late. He is on time for work, family functions, to friend's houses etc etc. It just seems when it comes to me, he doesn't seem to care about making me wait.

[lido78]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I think in some cases it can change. But I agree if he continues, after some time she should re-assess because it may not be something he thinks he has a problem with and it could go on indefinitely. I just dont' want her to write him off prematurely...

I totally agree...it may not be something to end an otherwise good relationship over. But, for me, it was worth it because there were some other issues. Even though he was the one habitually late, he was the one to break up with me because I really did leave him stranded. He was in the military and needed to show up for duty. But, he'd just worn out his welcome on the issue for me, and I'd given him a multitude of warnings.

I guess that "late" people can change, but they probably need to develop a whole structure around trying to not be late...in my case, I was over the relationship anyway and was just the final straw...

So, it may be worth it to try to work on this issue or to just let it go...if he's a sweet guy and respectful in all other ways, maybe you just have to be the one to bend or to do your own thing and just not worry about him.