I Didn't Want Him To Touch Me... Told Me That Was My Bipolar

Was trying to make a friend in my complex. Told "friend candidate" I was willing to try being friends, but I wasn't willing to date or get physical.

Couple of times we met were okay. Went to eat a casual dinner at his house. Told him I was bipolar from the get go but was being successfully treated for it.

Have known this guy for like 1 week...

After dinner he tried to get me to give him a massage, joked about having sex with me (he said it was a joke after I called him on it).

After dinner he tried to snuggle with me and rub my private area. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that. He got up and opened his door and didn't say anything. Told him, like I said from the beginning, that I didn't want to get physical. His response was, "oh, that's just your bipolar".

This is just a long line of men who have no listened when I told them I was a lesbian who did not listen and tried to make a move.

What is going on in the world that there is no such thing between men and women anymore.

I am tempted to send him an email and tell him that just because I don't want to get physical with him, doesn't mean that is a sign of my bipolar, it means I don't want to be touched.

What is the problem with these people anyway? I have found this in a lot of the veterans around this complex that I live in. The complex is nice, great, but takes VA housing grants. Is it because these people are uneducated, poor, rude, stupid... what?!

I am feeling so angry that someone said I was being bipolar just because I didn't want him to touch me.

If 4 other guys at different times did something similar, would you think it was me, or just that these 4 people each had some kind of anti-social ways of relating to the opposite sex?

Feedback anyone?

I had the same problem. After my husband died, about 3-4 years later I tried dating a little. This guy who I've known for YEARS asked me out, so the MINUTE I got in the car I told him that I wanted to take things VERY VERY slowly, and that I did NOT jump into bed or play around unless I DEEPLY LOVED someone. I made it perfectly clear with him. He understood. Uh-huh. We went to dinner, and then he wanted to watch a movie at his place. uh-huh. That should have been a clue, but I trusted him since I've known him so long.

Shouldn't have cause he was all over me. So -- I got him off me and went home. I DID sent him an e-mail and told him I was very disappointed in him since I'd made it clear from the get-go, and now he'd screwed up our friendship. He wrote back something like "yeah, I'm an A#$-hole." And that was it. I haven't talked or seen him since. LOL

So -- I don't know what to tell you, but seems like alot of them are all the same. They just want one thing. I don't date anymore, but I'm too old anyway and besides -- when I did go out with that guy I felt like I was cheating on my dead husband so I'm not gonna do that anymore anyway. LOL

BEst of luck --- and God bless sweetie. Hugs, Lee

((((((NF)))))) It's definitely not you. I'm sorry to hear this happened! As if sexual preferences and boundaries have anything to do with BP. That is a different world he is in.

I too have noticed a trend where people hear what they want to hear and either completely disregard what is being said or change it to go with what fits their own agenda. It is a form of manipulation and I really do not appreciate it, not in the least. Communication is hard enough let alone when someone does not pay attention to what you are telling them. You were honestly letting him know the boundaries in this new relationship. He can either accept this and respect what you are telling him, or this could be a relationship that needs to be reconsidered, whether to have at all on any level. A friend listens and he is not. You are too worthwhile to let him try to manipulate into anything other than your own wishes and safety comes first. Hope things will work out better in the future. I like what Leed said about letting him know that things are messed up because of what he did; see what happens from there and decide what to do. Wishing you the best, take good care!!

It's not you at all, that guy stepped waaay over the line and disrespected you and your boundaries. I also believe men and women can be friends without having to go further so to speak

Like others have said, you did nothing wrong and this has nothing to do with bipolar. He is the one with issues. He overstepped boundaries and now you rightfully feel violated. In my opinion, he is not a gentleman or a real friend. Way too many guys (ans girls) these days don't know/care physical boundaries. People need to learn what respect is.

I confronted the guy since I ran into him. Told him not wanting to be touched by someone I don't know is not a sign of bipolar, it's a boundry and right of mine and I will stick by it.

I was also tired, warn down and mad that I told him that the only way he could get into anyone's pants is to wear down someone just to get them into bed because he doesn't have the social skills to date properly and that I thought it was a sign of a pathetic looser and that he will never have a meaningful relationship. I also told him that he probably doesn't know what a meaninful relationship is if that is the way he tries to get women into bed.

I'm usually not this headstrong but needed to put this out there to him. I felt like I had gotten closure with this. Feel much better. Thank you for all the feedback and hugs.

I'm the same way. Can't folks just keep there hands to them selves. I went out w/ a guy one time who I'd known for years and I thought I'd be safe. He found a secluded spot and started getting way to frisky. Finially he stopped and asked me "Come on when are we gonna do it." WHAT? I had him take me home, think goodness he did. I was prepared to walk home at that point. So it's not bipolar. I'm not bipolar. I'm not to antisocial I'm anti touch. Good luck.

Uhm, gross! That's just despicable. I'd be horrified if a guy tried to touch me like that without my permission. These guys obviously just wanted to hookup for some tail.

I can't believe that anyone would think that if you didn't spread your legs after some repulsive attempt at fondling then it's obviously a mental issue. The guy deserves to be chewed out and to feel bad about it.

Unfortunately, it seems like it's far too easy to accidentally flirt with someone. It's just difficult to express interest and kindness to people of the opposite sex for it to read as flirtation.

* gentle hugs * NF. I've been trumping to make a friend or two lately, and am just over it. I'm not "giving come-ons". I just want someone in my life with brains, interests, common sense, someone to do other than "kill time with."

I've been sexually assaulted three times in six months, while opemly seeklimg friends, and they all have excused including it being my fault ... Once by a 45-ish professional man who said I was too sexy. I'm 66, 1O-lbs overweight & not-ugly.

I work very well with the public of all ages at work but am a loaner by nature and am content with that. The attempt to find a friend at this point isn't worth a single more traumatic episode, much less even contemplating whether it's my bi polar affliction or my fault in any other sense.

It's definitely not you. I can't tell you how many times I've had similar things happen to me. For instance, last year, a good friend of mine began inviting me to hang out with a group of her friends, most of whom were guys. I hit it off fairly well with one of the guys, and we begun hanging out occassionally. I told him, the first day I met him, that I was a lesbian and he SEEMED to understand what "lesbian" meant. In fact, for my birthay, he bought me one of those "hot girl" birthday cards. I THOUGHT the message had been received. Apparently not! Later that night, at my birthday party, he made sure he was the last to leave (which was awkward in itself) and, as soon as we were alone in my house, he tried to put the moves on me! It was absolutely terrifying! Over the years, I've countless male "friends" try to convince me that I'm not "really" a lesbian and should "try" having sex with them because they could "convert" me. Yuck! It's made it virtually impossible for me to have any straight male friends. Guys will usually respect a woman who is in a relationship with another guy and not try to put the moves on her-- but it's as though a lesbian is fair game. It's disrespectful, arrogant, homophobic, and disgusting. And my straight girlfriends don't understand how offensive and scary it is to have a big, straight dude coming at you, saying he can "convert" you. They will sometimes say I'm "too hard on guys" or "too cold" because I refuse to flirt back or wink at them or give them a false indication of interest. I frequently get the moves put on me when I DON'T show interest-- I'm afraid what would happen if I gave them a possible opening! (Plus I HATE it and can't get away from them fast enough!)