[contender]

Hi, Thanks for having me.

My GF of 3 wonderful years are at a point, where we've had to separate, and temporarily be long distance for about six months. She's never given me any reason to suspect shes cheating, and has been nothing but affectionate and reassuring about our love and our relationship.

but when she goes out with her friends, anxiety always comes to me that shes going to hook up with some other guy, and i'll lose her. it's only been 1 month of our long distance relationship, and I need to get a handle on this, or its going to be a long 6 months for me.

where do i start? is this trust or something else?

thank youfor your time.

[carrie_ann]

hi and welcome to psych central. without knowing you, it sounds like trust issues to me. have you been cheated on in a previous relationship or is this your first serious relationship? have you spoke to your gf about these feelings? sorry i can't be of any more help but im sure someone better will come along soon.

again welcome to pc

I think that communication is key here. Let her know your fears but not without also reassuring her that it's not something she's done or that she's doing and that you know they may be irrational. Talk it out with her, it sounds like you already have a good relationship and so I'm sure if you're up front about your feelings and don't make it sound pointed at her behavior she'll work with you to come up with something that might help As long as it doesn't sound like you're being controlling of her behavior I'm sure you'll both get through this. I know all about being fearful of things like losing your SO to other men.

If it does stem from being cheated on before you have to separate the past from your current relationship in your mind and remind yourself that you have not had any reason to doubt her up to now, and that it's just the distance, the unknown (not being able to see where she is, etc.. like you usually can)

Hope this helps! I'm sorry for your issues you're dealing with. Hang in there!
*hugs*

[JustLikeHeaven]

I am going to give it to you as honest as I can.

If she hasn't given you any reason to NOT trust her, then the issue lies with you. I don't know you but it sounds like you feel unworthy of her in some way. Otherwise, you wouldn't think she was so easily stolen.

My best advice: Give her the benefit of the doubt. Like the others before me have said, feel free to talk to her BUT once you have thoroughly discussed it....DROP IT!

If you 'suffocate' her with too much jealousy, that is MORE likely to push her away than bring you two closer together.

Just be happy that you have found someone who loves you, talk to her often, tell/show her you love her and these next 5 months will fly by!

Hope this helps!

[Scotty204]

It sounds like trust issues to me. If you were cheated on before I totally get it but unless your GF gives you any signs that shes up to no good then I say just let it go and be happy you found eachother. While she's away can you visit eachother somehow?

I think he knows it's his own trust issues and it doesn't sound like he wants to be that way. I agree that its something he needs to work on but I still contend that it would be good for him to talk to her about it, but about his own issues not that she's done anything wrong. Heck talking to her about his own challenges in this area, might well ease his mind in finding out that she understands.

[contender]

hi thanks everyone for your help.

i know the issues are with me. thats why i dont want to discuss it with her at all. shes been working at this long distance thing, and its been hard on both of us, the last thing i want to do is bring this up, and disregard all her hard work. i'm very leery of discussing this with her, in fact, we have discussed this, and i think have covered all the important parts, so i think i should not bring this up again ?

i need to somehow push these negative thoughts out of the way, because sometimes they get too overwhelming, and they get out of control. maybe some kind of mental exercise techniques to get my mind off it? meditation audio tapes? just something that i can modify my behavior, when the anxiety of all of comes.

thanks again for all of your feedback, and help.

I don't know if you're bpd or not but it doesn't necessarily matter. I think that mindfulness or DBT could help you in this area. It might be good to ask some of the people that do it. I should but I haven't yet.

If you need to and you can, look into getting a Therapist too. I mean you know you have some issues triggering your trust issues so you'd do well in therapy as you're looking for techniques and help with this.

[contender]

thanks again for all the help and feedback. i really appreciate it.

what is BPD ? is that bipolar disorder?
i've never been diagnosed that. What is DBT ?

well, the truth is that a lot of my trust issues comes from what i've done to her in the past. i've cheated on her a few times, and it was at point when our relationship was at a crossroads, something i feel i needed to do, cus now, i know i dont need anyone else in my life, only her.

but, the anxiety is still there, when i know shes out with her friends. the truth is, she can have a cheat.

i need something to help occupy my mind when these feelings of anxiety and mistrust come. what do i need to focus on? how do i focus on these things? what methods or tools can i use to help me focus on whats important?

thnks again for your help.

[Junerain]

Here is psychcentral's overview of DBT..I have heard many good things about DBT, personally!!

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/an-...therapy/all/1/

[Junerain]

BPD is borderline personality disorder, here is psychcentral's overview:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/sym...lity-disorder/